If you're a guest in someone else's home, don't go through all their drawers looking for money. If you see a turtle, don't stomp on it. If you need to escape from a bunch of armed dudes, don't leave a nudie mag on the ground and expect them to hunker down and leer at it while you make your escape. Video games teach us all kinds of lessons that would be unwise to carry over to real life - but ‘You'll feel better if you just use X healing item’ might be the most deadly of all.

Seriously, it's a wonder that video game characters are still standing after all the unrefrigerated poultry they consume, , and anomalous drugs they inject into their veins. Can you imagine what would happen if you, a mortal creature of flesh and bone, tried to nourish yourself with these pick-ups? Well, you don't have to - I already did. Click on for some cautionary tales of healing items that would totally, totally kill you in real life.

How it works in the game: Max limps into a bathroom, barely able to stay on his feet after taking a gut full of bullets from a two-bit mobster with an Uzi. He opens a medicine cabinet, grabs a few bottles full of pills, pops one open, and downs its contents in a single gulp. Aside from that scratchy throat feeling you get from taking pills dry, Max's pain is killed.

How it would work for you: You're bleeding from a gunshot wound. Rather than calling 911/999 and awaiting assistance from trained paramedics, you decide to guzzle a bottle of oxycodone you found on top of the refrigerator. The pain fades after a half-hour or so, even though you're still bleeding like a stuck pig - you feel a little cold, but otherwise okay. Maybe you'll take a little nap on the floor until the healing effect kicks in… this was… a great… idea...

How it works in the game: The horde of ghouls is still pounding at the door, but Leon is safe for the moment. He reaches into his pocket and produces a little spray can with a green plus sign on its label. He pulls his hand away from the grievously bleeding wound on his neck, grits his teeth, and presses down on the can's nozzle until the last of its refreshing mist sputters out. He's no doctor, but he would assess his condition as Fine after that.

How it would work for you: Jesus Christ, what was wrong with that hiker? He almost looked like he was sleepwalking, but he was so pale… Anyway, you'd better do something about that bite. Good thing you keep a can of Umbrella-brand first-aid spray in your car. Just give that a good spritz and you'll feel better in no time. There you are… the pain's gone, but God, is it getting hot in here? Now you've got the chills. Better head home.

How it works in the game: Donatello's not looking so tubular. He could wreck a platoon of purple Foot Clan ninjas in his sleep, but the orange ones are just the absolute worst. Not to mention those gnarly raptors that keep trampling around and ruining his day. Luckily, Leonardo saved him a slice of 'za from this box he found by the cliffside in 250,000,000 B.C. A few quick chomps and the turtles are back in fighting shape. Cowabunga!

How it would work for you: You're lost and confused, and your pants are still damp from soiling yourself at the sight of a pterodactyl carrying a robot ninja. Suddenly, a familiar scent wafts into your nostrils - pizza! There it is, an unguarded box of the sacred pie! You're so hungry you don't even care that it's topped with anchovies - you just devour the whole thing. Then you wink out of existence, because that pizza would have fed the rodent-like creature that was the ancestor of all mammals. Whoops.

How it works in the game: Vulcan Raven stalks through the warehouse, scanning left and right for his quarry. There isn't much further for Solid Snake to crawl. Ah! There he is, panting and bleeding! This last volley will end his unnatural existence! But as the high-caliber bullets slam into Snake's body, the surprisingly calm soldier bites down on something and his wounds begin to close. Damn him! He had a ration in his mouth!

How it would work for you: You've accepted that these strange military rations are laced with some kind of healing agent, and that eating them instantly mends your wounds. But after months of miraculous recoveries, your supply is running low and you figure you'd better conserve them. Rather than wasting a morsel of their healing power, you'll wait until you're at the moment of death and then take a replenishing bite… but it turns out you may have overestimated your ability to carefully unwrap and consume foodstuffs while being shot in the face.

How it works in the game: Sabin nearly fell to that accursed toothy squid! Come to think of it, he may have actually died, depending on the philosophical ramifications of using a Phoenix Down on a fallen combatant… For now, there's a damn potion to drink. The taste is almost unbearable - but if he can just chug down the contents of the little blue bottle he'll be back to pumping iron and thrashing villains faster than you can say 'Biggs and Wedge'.

How it would work for you: That traveling salesman promised his 'Vitality Potion' would get rid of your cough if you drank it every night just before bed. And it did! By causing multiple organ failure. When your corpse is exhumed a hundred years later, researchers will find your bones are still infused with enough mercury and lead to kill twenty men. No cough, though.

How it works in the game: Blaze Fielding is a woman of action, and she doesn't have time to get take-out with all these goons around. They need a good face pounding. Fortunately for Blaze and her fellow street-fighting vigilantes, helpful citizens have taken to hiding their spare foodstuffs in garbage cans and newspaper racks all across the city. She smashes a few open, discarding an apple here or there (must have been from some smartass dentist) until she finds a roast chicken and chows down. Good to go!

How it would work for you: You vaguely recall some old wives' tale about discarding cooked poultry if it's left out for more than two hours. Something about salmonella? Bah. That must've been why some joker dropped this beautifully roasted bird in the garbage, plate and all. It's cold and you'll need to wipe off a few cigarette butts, but it's cheaper than Chik-Fil-A! Urp… maybe there's some Pepto Bismol in that trash can, too...

How it works in the game: Sometimes Mario isn't so good-a at the depth-a perception. In this case, he overestimated how much speed he needed for that last jump and ended up soaring clear over the platform, crashing into the floor a hundred meters below. But he's not a-worried, even as he pants-a with exhaustion, because he landed right next to a nice big lake. He dives, holds his breath for a few seconds, and springs back out like-a new man. Mamma mia, that's a good-a baptism metaphor!

How it would work for you: You were on the team back in high school, so swimming with two broken legs and a collapsed lung shouldn't be a problem, right? Just a quick dip and you'll feel right as rain. Can't stand, so you'll have to roll your way over… and in you go! OK! Your legs still really hurt! But swimming without using your legs is hard! So is breathing underwater! This was maybe not such a great idea!

How it works in the game: Well, that fight could've gone better. As per usual, Jack was way too conservative with his plasmids (even though he was full of EVE) and he took a few stray bullets. Luckily for him, that dumb Splicer led him straight to a well-stocked liquor cabinet right before she got torn to bits by a turret. Four bottles of Rapture's finest fortified wine later, and Jack's feeling much better. A little wobbly, with a little less EVE, but much better.

How it would work for you: Ahh, that really hurts. How could you cut yourself this badly just chopping carrots? It's like cooking 101 and carrots are so not worth dying for! No bandages in the house, of course, but you do have a couple boxes of wine you were planning to bring to the dinner party. Maybe if you polish one off you'll feel better. No, just drunk, still hurts. Try another. Ok, stop puking, that's not going to help. Try another. Don't pass out, you lazy…

How it works in the game: This might be it for the Lone Wanderer. Trapped in a vault deep underground with a busted leg and surrounded by super mutants, she's running out of options. Almost as much for old time's sake as out of any real hope for salvation, she pats down a corpse… and feels a familiar syringe in its pocket! In one fluid motion she pulls the stimpak forth and jabs it into her leg, instantly knitting the wound and mending the fracture. Alright - time to see about getting back to the surface.

How it would work for you: You were kinda worried for a few weeks after you injected yourself with that filthy syringe you found lying in a pile of rubbish, but it really did wonders for your aching back. Your fears are just beginning to subside when you get a call from your doctor's office. Her tone is grave as she asks you if you're sitting down. You say yes, and she tells you that you are infected with every bloodborne pathogen known to man and have at most a month to live. Your back still feels great.

That's it for my accounting of gaming's deadliest health items, but video games are jam packed with inadvisable diets and wellness plans. So sit down with a nice cut of garbage chicken and think of your favorites, then come back and share them in the comments below!

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No sooner is the retrospective Halo: The Master Chief Collection out than the future of the series is upon us. The multiplayer beta for Halo 5: Guardians has arrived: swifter, bolder, Kevlar-ier. We're lucky enough to have early access - the public version launches on the 29th - but if you don't want to wait we have all the details for you in our beta diary: new modes, new maps, new, radically different Spartan abilities and gameplay mechanics. Think of it like a belated Advent calendar, but behind every door is searing hot death by plasma grenade.

Beyond those (extensive) details, you'll find everything we know about Halo 5 overall, so carry on through, and keep checking back at this article in the months to come. We'll be updating it each and every time new Halo 5 info lands, so consider it your one-stop shop for all of your Chiefly needs.

We could talk about how the lofty intro screen recalls that operatic opening score of Halo: Combat Evolved, but that would be using-the-Covenant Carbine crazy. Let’s get straight to the gunnery. The first map we’re thrown into is Empire: an industrial tumble of platforms, vantage points and corridors. Aside from the pre-match scan of the area, there’s no time to stop and admire your surroundings.

It’s a wonderful kind of chaos, but still utterly familiar to anyone who’s played the series; bristling with fresh ideas, all promising Halo’s familiar game of rocket, paper, scissors. We’ll explore the new abilities in a bit, but right now you need to know that it immediately feels natural. As soon we discovered how the buttons have shifted - a rite of passage necessary in every new Halo - we were boosting away from grenades and scoping the map for ledges to pull off the brand-new power slam: the single most satisfying addition to the series since the whumping rocket launcher melee attack.

As different as this feels, the first match goes surprisingly well. Our attempts to ground-pound are laughably inept, but this is as it should be: it's a one-hit instakill, so it needs to be difficult. We're starting off with the Assault Rifle - which feels tighter and more lethal than ever before - and the Magnum. Blasto, God of Guns, bless the Magnum. All the shooters now have ADS (no, we're not calling it Smart Scope) but zooming with ol' Maggsy still feels sharp, poppy and delicious.

It's harder to nail those headshots, though. Enemies are faster and more mobile, so your best bet is to pick people off as they slow down to clamber over scenery. That said, there are already people doing sickeningly talented things with the Sniper Rifle - the standard power weapon on Empire. The pace of Halo 5 means that bedding down and waiting for Spartan heads to peek out is less of an option, but in the right hands it's monstrous.

The next stage we try is Truth - a remake of Midship from Halo 2. It's the same familiar doughnut of doom, but infinite sprinting alters everything. Instead of bloody bottlenecks peppered with plasma grenades, it's a frantic chase. It's harder than ever to hold an area, because you're effortlessly outflanked, thanks to Truth's warren of tunnels and back doors. Thankfully, anyone foolishly using the grav-lifts is still meat for the beast: a pleasingly recognisable throwback.

The power weapon here is the Prophets' Bane: apparently the Arbiter’s personal energy sword. All we know is that it’s too bloody bright. Seriously, it’s like carrying around the severed head of a celestial being. And, as anyone who's ever carried an incandescent glowing pate will know, this massively impairs your vision. We got around this by sprinting around in an endless loop of sword-swinging murder, taking full advantage of our now-endless stamina. It works both ways: the boost ability can keep you out of lunging range so you can chip away from afar. Ah, that magnificent Halo balance. Lovely.

No sooner is the retrospective Halo: The Master Chief Collection out than the future of the series is upon us. The multiplayer beta for Halo 5: Guardians is set to land in December, and if you own the MCC, you can get access to it. That's exciting. But you know what's even more exciting? We've already played it, and can tell you exactly what you can be expecting when you enter the new world of Xbox One Spartan shooting. New modes, new maps, new, radically different Spartan abilities and gameplay mechanics... It's all here, so click on and get prepped.

Beyond those (extensive) details, you'll find everything we know about Halo 5 overall, so carry on through, and keep checking back at this article in the months to come. We'll be updating it each and every time new Halo 5 info lands, so consider it your one-stop shop for all of your Chiefly needs.

The newest Halo on Xbox One finally has a name. Halo 5: Guardians will be the next chapter in the hallowed saga of Master Chief, as announced this morning by 343 Industries. And though nothing has been shown of the actual gameplay just yet, we've got a slew of new information about the next leap forward for the Halo franchise, which is coming in 2015--though you'll get a taste of it in beta form by the end of the year .

Of course, this windfall of new details raises a ton of questions we have that, for now, remain unanswered. Looking to brush up on everything Halo 5-related? Here's everything we know, and some crucial things we don't.

Not only does that mean that you have three full weeks of Halo 5 early access multiplayer ahead, it means that you have it coming pretty damn soon, and over the Christmas holidays. It’s almost like they planned it that way.

Between today’s release of The Master Chief Collection, and the Halo 5 beta starting in December, not only does that make for a very Halo Christmas indeed, but it means that for a short period, you’ll actually (sort of) have access to the complete, numbered series, including the one that isn’t out yet, all at the same time.

343 is picking up Bungie’s community-focused lead with the Halo 5 beta, and making it an interactive experience for the majority of its running time. While the first week, from December the 29th to January the 5th, will introduce you to the new game modes and gameplay systems, weeks two and three will be thrown out to a player vote.

The shape of the beta, the modes, maps and Lord knows what else, will all be at the behest of the players. And speaking of those new gameplay systems and modes…

Literally the first thing you’ll notice about Halo 5 multiplayer is the match intros. In Slayer and Team Slayer at least, each map is now introduced with a multi-angled camera fly-by showcasing the key areas of the arena. Holding points and key skirmish areas are all shown off, but perhaps even more crucial is the tweak to the way power-weapon drops are highlighted.

So far, Halo 5 seems to be going back to the earlier games’ method of depositing map-specific power-weapons after a designated period of time, unlike Halo 4’s approach of using more randomised Ordinance Drops. Not only are power-weapon locations shown off before the match, but in-game they have a drop-timer visibly attached, which turns into an on-screen navigation blip once they land. The race for the big guns just got a bit more accessible, and probably a whole lot more frantic.

Here’s where the big changes start. Halo 5’s multiplayer picks up where Halo 4’s left off, by way of an increased focus on speed and aggression. But where the previous game’s augmented Spartan abilities were a case of choosing from an unlockable bank, Halo 5 gives everyone a full roster of brand new tools to use straight out of the box.

Everyone now has unlimited sprint, but it comes with a price. Your shield won’t recharge until you stop running, meaning that there are serious tactical decisions to be made when under fire. Tied to sprinting, all Spartans can now slide, by hitting duck while moving apace. That’s great for evading fire, but also a really powerful tool when it comes to getting into cover quickly. It’s vital in the new Breakout mode we’ve played, but more on that in a little bit. You can now mantle up onto otherwise unreachable platforms, opening up the scope for much taller maps, as well as hidden routes and alternative paths.

And there’s more. Four additional default Spartan abilities make full use of your Mjolnir armour’s jets. Tapping B with any directional input now activates a rapid side-dodge, Titanfall-style, to weave around incoming fire and set up fast, close-range flanking. Jump into the air and scope your gun - every weapon now has ADS - and you’ll hover briefly in mid-air, before floating down slowly. Great for getting the jump on unwary targets, but be wary of how exposed you’ll be left in heavy fire areas.

Even more extravagantly, you now have two separate, powered-up melee attacks, capable of scoring an instant kill in the right circumstances. Get up to full speed and hit the melee button, and you’ll use a rocket-powered dash-punch to clobber the merry hell out of anyone in front of you. Get high into the air and hold crouch, and you’ll activate a ground-based reticule with which to aim a devastating ground-pound. Charge ii for a second or two, and boom. Two-dimensional Spartan all over your boots. But while both attacks are undeniably meaty, in practice, so far at least, they don’t feel overpowered. The dash requires a bit of built-up speed to activate reliably, and the pound, just like the airborne ADS, leaves the attacker horribly exposed while winding up.

The trusty old BR has been an iconic Halo staple since the second game. It has though, gone through a few subtle tweaks and iterations over the years. How does Halo 5’s version stack up to its illustrious ancestors? Based on our experience so far, it feels like a monster.

Put it this way: For the first few blasts, we thought that 343 had reduced its burst fire to a single shot. Not so. It turns out that the traditional three-shot spray is now so fast that we’d mistaken it for only one round during the early, bamboozling festival of carnage. It’s too early to analyse the minutiae of fire delay, accuracy and stopping power, but both for the latter categories, we’d be tempted to venture ‘a lot’. Once we found its spawn spots on Halo 5’s maps (which seem to be locked in and consistent), it rapidly became our default weapon of choice. A total death-finger.

One of the fanbase’s biggest problem s with Halo 4’s changes to multiplayer was the lack of descoping. That is to say, the process of knocking out an enemy player’s zoomed view by shooting them while being targeted. There’s a strong argument for the mechanic’s importance. Without it, longer-range weapons such as the BR and sniper rifle become overpowered, and on certain maps the joy of Halo’s close-range, cat-and-mouse game dissolves.

Well descoping is back in Halo 5. It’s back, and it works. That’s about all there is to say at the moment. But, er, hey, good news, right?

The Halo 5 beta introduces a campaign-style chatter function for multiplayer, which gives you real-time updates on the battle directly from the Spartans involved, independent of the words of your living, breathing teammates. While that sounds annoying at first blush, the simulated team-talk is actually sparse enough that there's never an issue. It's also extremely helpful, giving you meaningful feedback so you can quickly figure out how to tackle tense situations. It's great at letting you know that the enemy is flanking you or that a grenade is sailing towards your head, and does so well before most human companions would even notice.

This feature helps to organize what can become a very chaotic combat scenario, but the new squad chatter should also be a great boon to the solo multiplayer challenger. Playing MP without friends always puts you at a disadvantage due to the lack of helpful team communication, but with the game now simulating that stuff, the experience should be a whole lot smoother.

There’s at least one new game mode in Halo 5’s multiplayer. We know because we’ve played it. It’s called Breakout, and it’s very much a more demanding evolution of the old SWAT mode. It’s also bloody brilliant. Two 4v4 squads fight on small, tight maps, built around focused sight-lines and sharp requirement on the use of cover. Overall wins are based on a best-of-multiple-rounds system, but there are no lives. Once you go down, you’re out until the next go-around.

That little tweak leads to some of the most intense, satisfying, and air-punchingly heroic Halo we’ve ever played, not to mention some of the most authentically strategic. Within seconds we were playing proper, old-school, tactical Halo, giving map locations nicknames, speaking in garbled, pseudo-military shorthand, communicating every move, and using the post-death spectator-cam to both guide our surviving players with strategic info and whoop like drunken sports crowds when our last man snatched a killer, underdog victory. A round can last seconds, or a final stand-off can run for agonising, nerve-shredding, blissfully tense minutes. But however it goes, Breakout is consistently a big damn hoot.

Halo 5’s XP system will be active in the beta. It’s not yet clear if progress will follow through into Halo 5 proper (our guess would be ‘no’), but some of the bonuses accrued through it will.

We know at least that there will be beta-exclusive armour sets to be had. Other stuff? At a guess, we’d say beta emblems will probably turn up too, at the very least. But either way, this is going to be the place to get all the Halo hipster equipment you need in order to be authentically elite and ‘in it before it was big’ come the game’s 2015 launch.

We’ve played three of the seven beta maps so far. All are good for different modes, and all are very different. Truth is a remake of Halo 2’s Midship, a small, two-levelled circular arena with a central raised platform and snaking, twisting paths around the outside. It’s great for free-for-all Slayer, though we’d prefer to give it a go with a shorter-range, custom weapon-set than that available at our preview day, to reduce the random factor and keep things a bit tighter.

Empire is a new map, set in a large warehouse/industrial complex, with a wide, open-air balcony at one end. Largely flat and open in the middle, with a plethora of small cover opportunities, its raised peripheral areas and small, overlooking rooms make it a great choice for medium-range Team Slayer, providing ample opportunities for open firefights and close-defensive play. And finally, there’s Crossfire, used for playing Breakout. Very different in terms of its bold, primary-coloured, geometric stylings, it’s nevertheless a classic slice of strategically-minded, asymmetric design. The archetypal Halo ‘little room’ on one side provides a fantastic choke point and opportunity for base-defence. The box-littered middle section is a minefield of ultra-tight skirmish opportunities, while the raised platforms and opposite-side bridge mix up the verticality for risk-and-reward vantage points and ground-pounds aplenty.

And now, moving onto Halo 5 in general...

You might already have figured this out, but 343 Industries, the Microsoft-owned studio behind Halo: CE Anniversary and Halo 4, is continuing to develop for the franchise with Halo 5: Guardians. With two blockbuster entries in the series under its belt, it's safe to assume that the developers at 343 know what they're doing.

It also helps to have shaped the previous entry in the franchise, which put much more emphasis on building Master Chief as a relatable character. This came to a head in the ending of Halo 4--and Halo 5: Guardians will be about Master Chief getting through his identity crisis. "He's questioning everything: His past, his purpose, what's he fighting for, why he's fighting," says 343 studio head Bonnie Ross. "This is about [Master Chief's] journey. It's about his past, and about his future".

In Halo 5's single piece of key art (or "visual IP," as 343 called it), an unfamiliar soldier was standing proudly behind the Halo 5: Guardians logo. At first, we thought that the silhouette and proportions of this Spartan looked distinctly female. Some thought it was Cortana or Sarah Palmer, but according to a by Josh Holmes, Executive Producer on Halo, that's not the case. "For everyone speculating about the mysterious Spartan in Halo 5: Guardians, he’s not Palmer (or Cortana!). He’s a NEW character. :)"

We now know that the new character is Naval Intelligence agent Jameson Locke, star of the upcoming Halo: Nightfall live-action series. He gets an in-game introduction in The Master Chief Collection's Halo 2: Anniversary, via a new opening cutscene which depicts him talking to The Arbiter years after the events of the second game. For some reason, he's hunting down the Chief. Whether as a target or as a potential ally remains to be seen.

As one of Microsoft's biggest exclusives, a new Halo game presents a huge opportunity to showcase everything that the Xbox One hardware is really capable of. To facilitate that, 343 has built an entirely new engine for Halo 5: Guardians. Graphics, audio, rendering, you name it--it's all being redone to make the most of the Xbox One architecture.

"It's not necessarily about layering on content--it's about actually changing the ecosystem that the Xbox is part of," said 343's Frank O'Connor. With its new engine, Halo 5: Guardians has been built to utilize Microsoft's latest tech in methods that could pave the way for other developers. In O'Connor's words, "Even if you never buy a Halo game on Xbox One, you're going to benefit from some of the things that we're putting on that technology."

It's one thing to say you're going to be building a next-gen engine, but it's another thing entirely to show it, and 343 hasn't done that yet. And, honestly, we haven't the slightest idea of how good it'll look, at least in terns of fidelity. We can make a decent stab at what it'll look like in terms of art design--Halo 4 was a slightly more stylized take on the shooter, and we'd expect Halo 5: Guardians to continue in that direction--but style is only part of the formula.

It's easy to assume it'll just be a fancier-looking version of Halo 4 with more particles. But there hasn't yet been an FPS built specifically to take advantage of the Xbox One's power on a new, next-gen engine, so it might end up surprising us. Just picture Ryse: Son of Rome's graphical fidelity, except with Chief blasting Prometheans with plasma rifles.

Bungie and 343 have gotten pretty creative with their wave-based modes in recent years. Halo 3: ODST and Halo: Reach both included the inventive Firefight, which did a great job of providing randomized, repeatable encounters you could play with friends. Halo 4's Spartan Ops continued that trend by adding a story and regular updates. But there hasn't been a peep as to whether or not these modes will continue in Halo 5.

If we had to guess (and, let's face it, we do), we'd say that some version of Spartan Ops will be included. The mode was a huge success before, and it'd be easy to tie it into whatever other media plans Microsoft has for the Halo franchise. Imagine if the weekly Halo video series comes with weekly missions that weave into the story--how cool would that be?

E3 brought news of , a set of games that includes Halo 1, 2, 3, 4, all playable on the Xbox One. But Microsoft also made it clear that the game will be a stepping stone into the future of Halo. Not only will the classic games tie-in to Nightfall, the original TV series hosted on Xbox One, but the November game will be followed up with the Halo 5: Guardians beta.

This continues the tradition of Microsoft attaching Halo betas to its major releases, though this time it's directly tied to another Halo game. So, if over 100 classic Halo multiplayer maps isn't enough for you, by the end of the year you'll be testing out the first maps for the first truly next-gen Halo adventure.

Note that we said "Master Chief's story." No mention of the Covenant. Because we reckon that's done. In many respects--art style, characterization and narrative in particular--Halo 4 was a transitional game; a safe, intermediary work intended to move the series on from the original trilogy and towards the real start of 343' Halo. By the end of the game the Covenant stragglers are dealt with, the immediate threat is subdued, and Master Chief is back home on Earth, ready for his next deployment. Everything is rebooted to a relative status quo, and thus, Halo 5 is free to do its own thing.

So don't expect Halo 5 to be just another continuation of the 6-games-long story so far. Expect the core Halo shooting to be wrapped up in a new narrative direction, with a new setting and a new tone. The focus on desert environments in the released promotional assets so far--rather than the usual verdant countryside and high-tech facilities--certainly implies a major geographical shift. Don't be at all surprised to see that affect the over-arching game design as well.

Remember the one from last year? A hooded figure walks through the desert and is attacked by a giant robot. A gust of wind catches the hood and reveals that the mysterious character is Master Chief, with a broken visor and a ratty robe. What led up to that event? Is he wearing anything under the robe? How did his visor break? Like, seriously, how did it break--the guy has fallen from space without taking much damage; it'd take a pretty mean hit to crack that glass.

There's a chance that, like some other Halo teasers in the past, the video was more of an acknowledgement that more Halo is coming, rather than a specific reference to an actual part of the next Halo game. Microsoft Game Studios VP Phil Spencer once called the video "a thought piece by the studio," so we'll likely have to wait a while before we know if any of that concept ends up becoming a reality.

When the new Halo was teased at E3 2013, the announced release date for Master Chief's next epic undertaking was 2014. Plans change--and with them, release dates. Halo 5: Guardians is slated for a Fall 2015 release on Xbox One.

Don't get too upset: History has shown that each of the main entries in the Halo franchise took three years to develop, so it only makes sense that Halo 5 would get the same time in the oven after 2012's Halo 4. Plus, you'd rather have a polished final product than something that got rushed out the door to hit an arbitrary release date, wouldn't you?

Halo 5's 2015 release date aligns with the debut of the Halo TV show, which famously involves one . But at the moment, it's unclear if the show and the new game will share any connection beyond occupying the same sci-fi universe.

Getting gamers to care about the interaction between a big-budget release and a TV show has historically been a tough sell (see: Defiance), so perhaps 343 will opt to keep the two mediums separate. The show is still in pre-production stages, so we're bound to find out more as it starts to take shape and fuel the Halo hype machine.

We expect that it won't be too long until more campaign information is revealed. Odds are that within a month or two we'll know some of the details surrounding the story, the characters, and more. Either way, keep your eyes peeled, and check back on this page to get the most up-to-date info on Halo 5 available.

Interested in reading more top-quality internet? Want to keep things on a Halo thread? Check our our .

When Eartha Kitt rudely requested Santa come and trim her ‘Christmas tree’ in , she clearly wasn’t picturing the strange assortment of stand-ins below to dive down her ‘chimney’. These weirdos range from a fat megalomaniac to a time-controlling cat to a mournful spider lady. But they share a common trait: they’d all be awesome Father Christmases.

How? Why? Read on and we’ll explain all in our follow up to the feature that looks at ! I say we. It’s actually just me slouched in an office chair writing this without a shred of warmth or humanity visible on my stoney face. Merry, er, something!!

“Oak Oak Oak, Mareep Christmas!” That’s what the legendary Pokémon prof and well-known master of puns would definitely say all the time if he decided to don a beard and become Father Christmas. It wouldn’t even get old. Imagine it, a new Pokémon for every girl and boy on Christmas morning. Transporting them wouldn’t be too hard for Oak - he’d need only grab a few hundred pokéballs and toss them out to bug catchers, campers, youngsters and lasses of Kanto. He could even ride a sleigh pulled by Deerlings and Stantlers. And for the naughty kids? Give ‘em a lump of Torkoal.

Oak would have competition though. See, Santa actually exists in the Pokémon universe, first appearing in the anime episode Holiday Hi-Jynx where he employs an army of Jynx to prepare presents for Christmas.

A big part of the whole Santa Claus experience revolves around knees. More specifically, kids sitting on knees, explaining what they want for Crimbo. And annoyingly, old Kris Kringle only has two of them. Weak. Whatever your thoughts on the man are - and let’s be honest, he’s a divisive character - that’s pretty disappointing. This is why Chaos Witch Quelaag from Dark Souls would be an excellent stand-in because, with a whopping eight legs hosting 16 hairy knees, she would boost knee-sitting frequency in Lordran tenfold. That’s simple science.

Yes, she’s not very child-friendly what with her vicious nature and toplessness, but give your kid an estus flask to chug on and take them away before she starts spewing fire and they’ll be alright. Probably. Her home of Blighttown contains many suitable gifts, including a plank shield, pyromancer robes, and the extra special Tin Banishment Catalyst, as well as bunch of friendly faces to help her deliver them, from giant mosquitoes to bloated leeches to that old festive favourite: the parasitic wall hugger.

Tingle bells indeed. This notorious middle-aged fairy man comes festively dressed as standard, what with his tasteful all-green bodysuit, bulbous belly, and smart red thong. Simply dye his wispish facial hair white and he’ll be the spitting image of Old Saint Nick. Old Tingle's a cartographer, so he already knows where all Hyrulian children live (in a non-creepy way), and he travels by way of ultra-safe and convenient hot air balloon, which allows him to drop rupees into the wallets of fairy boys and girls everywhere. Kooloo-Limpah! That’s what he says.

See, Tingle loves collectibles of all kinds - in Four Swords Adventures it’s Force Gems, and in The Minish Cap it’s Kinstones - so his sack would be positively bursting. His generosity takes on darker implications when you consider that in the DS game Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland it is explained Tingle needs Rupees to live. Does… does Tingle have a death wish?

Einstein famously disproved the existence of Father Christmas when he selfishly declared that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. NOT EVEN SANTA. But hold on a merry minute: did Einstein ever mention a time-controlling cat called Blinx who’s able to alter the so-called immutable laws of the universe. No he most certainly did not!

Star of the 2002 Xbox platformer, and another in 2004 that was even worse, this tuna-crazed temporal tabby is billed as the world’s first 4D action hero (CATction hero? No) thanks to his crazy (CATrazy? No) vacuum cleaner that can slow, stop, reverse and fast-forward the very fabric of time. Hey Einstein, imagine how useful that would be at delivering presents, you know-it-all. Let’s just hope Blinx doesn’t use his powers for evil, like freezing time and stripping everyone naked! Haha, oh Blinx. Never change.

Ok, so Wario is less of a Santa and more of a grinch, shaking down fools for treasure, shrewdly managing a microgame-making company, and in Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coin even tricking poor Mario out of his castle and taking hard drugs in the throne room. But what if the greasy idiot used his powers of greed for good? Why, he’d be able to give children of the world a positively golden shower of unimaginable riches, possibly contributing to the formation of a new 1% and removing the secret elite lizardmen from their seats of power.

Plus he’s got an awesome assortment of fast-ass vehicles, including two cars, a tractor, a plane, and a bike, on which to deliver presents. Obviously he couldn’t ride them all at once, but we’re sure he could recruit his WarioWare mates like Kat, Spitz and Mona and to help out. Also his good buddy Dr. Crygor (half robot) once fixed Wario’s GBA, so it’s extremely likely he’d know how to programme an advanced AI into these vehicles so they could drive themselves. Yeah...

I'm pretty sure celebrating Christmas is banned in the dystopian, whitewashed city of Mirror’s Edge, but then ‘The Man’ tells you not to run fast or scare pigeons or kill people in cold blood with a series of deadly firearms and Faith does it anyway. Because she’s rebelling against the system, yeah? Barring a poor bit of signposting or amateur-grade level design or something, nothing would stop our nimble Nike ninja from delivering you presents speedily, provided they’re not a tiny bit heavy. You’d need to ask for an iTunes gift card or some stamps - something she could fit in a bumbag.

Nope, not low-hanging pipe, steam vent, nor small, jumpable gap would stand in Faith’s way. And let’s not forget her loyal band of runners, just as fast but a touch more forgettable, who’ll no doubt help her with her haul. Careful though, because one or more of them are bound to betray her at some point. That just makes for a better narrative.

Santa’s whole mythology is based on him making snap judgements about people. “Oooh, you’ve been naughty, you’ve been nice.” Dude, you don’t even know me. Who made you the world's moral adjudicator? People don’t get tattoos with ‘only God can judge me (and also Santa)’. It just seems a bit of a dick move to be dealing in absolutes, especially around Christmas. Luckily, that’s Mike Hagger’s whole spiel. And he does it with a lot more class.

From the Final Fight series, this former professional wrestler turned mayor rules over Metro City with an iron fist and a waxed chest and a class moustache. If you’re naughty, like the Mad Gear gang who kidnap Haggar’s daughter and send house prices in the area plummeting, Haggar won’t just shove a lump of coal in your face, but a signature reverse elbow too. And if you’ve been nice? Expect a platter of delicious pavement turkey and possibly a confiscated blade or two. Merry Christmas!

Well, there are my picks for the video game characters who would actually make great Santas. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to decorate my home with festive, parasitic wall-huggers, such is the tradition in my family. If you have comments, and your fingers aren't too full of gifts, leave comments below. On anything, really, I don't mind.

Want more Crimbo features? Here's one about . Enjoy!

When Eartha Kitt rudely requested Santa come and trim her ‘Christmas tree’ in , she clearly wasn’t picturing the strange assortment of stand-ins below to dive down her ‘chimney’. These weirdos range from a fat megalomaniac to a time-controlling cat to a mournful spider lady. But they share a common trait: they’d all be awesome Father Christmases.

How? Why? Read on and we’ll explain all in our follow up to the feature that looks at ! I say we. It’s actually just me slouched in an office chair writing this without a shred of warmth or humanity visible on my stoney face. Merry, er, something!!

“Oak Oak Oak, Mareep Christmas!” That’s what the legendary Pokémon prof and well-known master of puns would definitely say all the time if he decided to don a beard and become Father Christmas. It wouldn’t even get old. Imagine it, a new Pokémon for every girl and boy on Christmas morning. Transporting them wouldn’t be too hard for Oak - he’d need only grab a few hundred pokéballs and toss them out to bug catchers, campers, youngsters and lasses of Kanto. He could even ride a sleigh pulled by Deerlings and Stantlers. And for the naughty kids? Give ‘em a lump of Torkoal.

Oak would have competition though. See, Santa actually exists in the Pokémon universe, first appearing in the anime episode Holiday Hi-Jynx where he employs an army of Jynx to prepare presents for Christmas.

A big part of the whole Santa Claus experience revolves around knees. More specifically, kids sitting on knees, explaining what they want for Crimbo. And annoyingly, old Kris Kringle only has two of them. Weak. Whatever your thoughts on the man are - and let’s be honest, he’s a divisive character - that’s pretty disappointing. This is why Chaos Witch Quelaag from Dark Souls would be an excellent stand-in because, with a whopping eight legs hosting 16 hairy knees, she would boost knee-sitting frequency in Lordran tenfold. That’s simple science.

Yes, she’s not very child-friendly what with her vicious nature and toplessness, but give your kid an estus flask to chug on and take them away before she starts spewing fire and they’ll be alright. Probably. Her home of Blighttown contains many suitable gifts, including a plank shield, pyromancer robes, and the extra special Tin Banishment Catalyst, as well as bunch of friendly faces to help her deliver them, from giant mosquitoes to bloated leeches to that old festive favourite: the parasitic wall hugger.

Tingle bells indeed. This notorious middle-aged fairy man comes festively dressed as standard, what with his tasteful all-green bodysuit, bulbous belly, and smart red thong. Simply dye his wispish facial hair white and he’ll be the spitting image of Old Saint Nick. Old Tingle's a cartographer, so he already knows where all Hyrulian children live (in a non-creepy way), and he travels by way of ultra-safe and convenient hot air balloon, which allows him to drop rupees into the wallets of fairy boys and girls everywhere. Kooloo-Limpah! That’s what he says.

See, Tingle loves collectibles of all kinds - in Four Swords Adventures it’s Force Gems, and in The Minish Cap it’s Kinstones - so his sack would be positively bursting. His generosity takes on darker implications when you consider that in the DS game Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland it is explained Tingle needs Rupees to live. Does… does Tingle have a death wish?

Einstein famously disproved the existence of Father Christmas when he selfishly declared that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. NOT EVEN SANTA. But hold on a merry minute: did Einstein ever mention a time-controlling cat called Blinx who’s able to alter the so-called immutable laws of the universe. No he most certainly did not!

Star of the 2002 Xbox platformer, and another in 2004 that was even worse, this tuna-crazed temporal tabby is billed as the world’s first 4D action hero (CATction hero? No) thanks to his crazy (CATrazy? No) vacuum cleaner that can slow, stop, reverse and fast-forward the very fabric of time. Hey Einstein, imagine how useful that would be at delivering presents, you know-it-all. Let’s just hope Blinx doesn’t use his powers for evil, like freezing time and stripping everyone naked! Haha, oh Blinx. Never change.

Ok, so Wario is less of a Santa and more of a grinch, shaking down fools for treasure, shrewdly managing a microgame-making company, and in Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coin even tricking poor Mario out of his castle and taking hard drugs in the throne room. But what if the greasy idiot used his powers of greed for good? Why, he’d be able to give children of the world a positively golden shower of unimaginable riches, possibly contributing to the formation of a new 1% and removing the secret elite lizardmen from their seats of power.

Plus he’s got an awesome assortment of fast-ass vehicles, including two cars, a tractor, a plane, and a bike, on which to deliver presents. Obviously he couldn’t ride them all at once, but we’re sure he could recruit his WarioWare mates like Kat, Spitz and Mona and to help out. Also his good buddy Dr. Crygor (half robot) once fixed Wario’s GBA, so it’s extremely likely he’d know how to programme an advanced AI into these vehicles so they could drive themselves. Yeah...

I'm pretty sure celebrating Christmas is banned in the dystopian, whitewashed city of Mirror’s Edge, but then ‘The Man’ tells you not to run fast or scare pigeons or kill people in cold blood with a series of deadly firearms and Faith does it anyway. Because she’s rebelling against the system, yeah? Barring a poor bit of signposting or amateur-grade level design or something, nothing would stop our nimble Nike ninja from delivering you presents speedily, provided they’re not a tiny bit heavy. You’d need to ask for an iTunes gift card or some stamps - something she could fit in a bumbag.

Nope, not low-hanging pipe, steam vent, nor small, jumpable gap would stand in Faith’s way. And let’s not forget her loyal band of runners, just as fast but a touch more forgettable, who’ll no doubt help her with her haul. Careful though, because one or more of them are bound to betray her at some point. That just makes for a better narrative.

Santa’s whole mythology is based on him making snap judgements about people. “Oooh, you’ve been naughty, you’ve been nice.” Dude, you don’t even know me. Who made you the world's moral adjudicator? People don’t get tattoos with ‘only God can judge me (and also Santa)’. It just seems a bit of a dick move to be dealing in absolutes, especially around Christmas. Luckily, that’s Mike Hagger’s whole spiel. And he does it with a lot more class.

From the Final Fight series, this former professional wrestler turned mayor rules over Metro City with an iron fist and a waxed chest and a class moustache. If you’re naughty, like the Mad Gear gang who kidnap Haggar’s daughter and send house prices in the area plummeting, Haggar won’t just shove a lump of coal in your face, but a signature reverse elbow too. And if you’ve been nice? Expect a platter of delicious pavement turkey and possibly a confiscated blade or two. Merry Christmas!

Well, there are my picks for the video game characters who would actually make great Santas. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to decorate my home with festive, parasitic wall-huggers, such is the tradition in my family. If you have comments, and your fingers aren't too full of gifts, leave comments below. On anything, really, I don't mind.

Want more Crimbo features? Here's one about . Enjoy!