Microtransactions aren't so bad, you guys. Sure, they tend to be most effective when parents don't realize their kids can make as many of them as they want for a whole half hour after signing in, but they introduce so many interesting new mechanics for developers to explore on top of new ways to make money. And I know just how to prove their worth to you: by defiling - er - improving your favorite games with their presence.

Come with me on a grand tour of what it would have looked like if a dozen classic games had microtransactions built-in from the get go. Trust me, you'll find the idea of a paid coin doubler much more palatable when couched in the familiar trappings of the Mushroom Kingdom. Heck, by the end of this gallery you could well be tearing at your clothes and shouting praise for new monetization methodologies.

It took me forever to get to Staunton Island in Grand Theft Auto 3. Y'know why? Four words (and a number): Bomb Da Base Act 2. It's so irritating that my ability to escape Portland and head to Staunton Island, the center of the GTA 3 world, hinged entirely on my ability - or inability in this case - to snipe dozens of thugs using clunky first-person shooting controls.

But there's an easy solution for everybody. GTA 3 simply needs a paid 'Cut to the Chase' feature, where players can pay a reasonable price for a set number of 'clapperboards'. Whenever you get stuck on one of GTA 3's checkpoint-free missions, you can just use a 'clapperboard' to skip it. That way players who prefer to bash their heads against poorly designed levels are free to do so, but everyone else can just pay up and get back to exploring the city.

You got a purple rupee! That's worth 50 rupees! Too bad your wallet was already full, sucker! Don't lie, how many times did you open a chest and groan when Link pulled out another shiny gem? It should be a happy occasion, but you know full well that you'll need every one of those wasted rupees to buy yourself another Goron or Zora tunic after some asshole Like Like eats you.

You could go through the hassle of a Gold Skulltula killing spree and unlock them one by one - all the while wasting rupees from every pot you smash and monster you kill - or you could just spend a buck to upgrade your wallet right now. Hey, the Giant's wallet is only $5 and holds two and a half times as much - we'll just need your Nintendo Network ID and password to confirm the transaction...

Aside from a musical cue here or a burst of gunfire there, everything in Half-Life 2 is so… quiet. I mean, is this a near-future dystopian city or a near-future dystopian library? It's fine if you like 'ambience' and 'atmosphere' and other fancy stuff like that, but what I could really go for is a disembodied voice that shouts whenever I manage to kill a couple Combine soldiers in quick succession.

That's where the Announcer packs come in. Fill out all that dead air with enthused hollering from a host of Valve characters! Thrill as the Scout shouts "bonk!" with every crowbar strike! Cheer as Louis observes how Gordon going for a health pack is not unlike grabbing pills! Also, you can craft them all into a badge. No, I'm not sure what that means either.

I wouldn't do a thing to change the challenging, rewarding experience of playing the original Super Mario Bros. Actually, I could find one little issue with that 'rewarding' part - the coins. You need to get a hundred of the damn things for them to actually be worth anything. When you consider how many of them you'll actually find in an average playthrough, it's just a poor experience for most users.

Enter the Coin Doubler. A proven staple of the microtransaction arsenal, it doesn't replace the Mario coin economy or let you buy your way to victory, it just gives you a little boost. Now that you get to those 1-Ups twice as fast, you'll really go out of your way to snag extra coins. It's a winning solution for everybody! And it's cheaper than a venti frappuccino.

Aside from its own campaign, Sonic Knuckles' lock-on technology lets players try out parts of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and 3 with the eponymous echidna, or access the new game's stages with familiar characters. On top of that, cramming the cartridges you already owned into the new one you just bought is still an oddly satisfying notion. The whole idea is so totally radical that it's a massive shame Sega didn't keep going from there.

Why stop building the lock-on tower at the second floor? Imagine a world with Sonic Knuckles Christmas, a low-priced cartridge that puts all the characters in Santa outfits and adds a North Pole level? Or Sonic Knuckles Hardcore, which removes the HUD and introduces permadeath? Mix-n-match however you want, as long as you can still fit it under the TV!

Did you know Suikoden has 108 characters to recruit? That's only 32 less characters than you can fit in a tweet. Sure, it's a role-playing classic and all, but how much time do you really have to devote to recruiting fictional cronies - many of whom you'll never even bother to add to your party?

Let's get real here. If you have a job or kids to take care of, you're not gonna find time to get all the 'stars' and unlock the secret ending. But don't give up hope! Just buy some Stars of Destiny Packs! Each one contains a random assortment of six characters with at least one holographic hero guaranteed per pack. If you get doubles, you can grind extras down to Stardust and craft them into the heroes you need.

Ok, you're pretty sure you need to talk to Otis in the prison next, but Guybrush keeps saying he won't because his breath stinks. That means talking's out, so let's try some other verbs. Use Otis. Nothing. Look at Otis. Ok, yes, you know what he looks like. Fine, let's get rough. Push Otis. Pull Otis. Turn off Otis? Arrrghhh!

But wait! You don't need to fret, and you don't need to overcome your crippling social anxiety to call the Lucasfilm Games help line! Just use a Hint Coin! What, you're telling me you don't have any hint coins? Well, you're in luck - all you need to do is click the icon in the corner of the screen, put in your credit card information, and buy some! Better get a few extra just in case - this game's tricky. Remember, 500 coins is the best value!

Halo introduced the genre-shifting concept of a recharging shield to first-person shooter games, (mostly) ending the long and glorious reign of the health meter and inexplicably effective medkit. But damn if it doesn't take a long time for your shields to start coming back. And once it does, the tiniest little pop from a Needler sets you back to square one! Sheesh, more like Combat Devolved.

Sure, you could take cover for a while. That's fine if you want to be all tactical. But players who prefer to run and gun can just make sure they're stocked up on Instant Shield Boosts. Hit up the Waypoint Store and get back in the fight in no time flat! It's not an advantage over non-premium customers, it's just another way to play the game!

Narrowly avoiding ghosts is fun and all, but it can get a bit stressful. Hardcore Pac-Man players know how to ration out their limited supply of Power Pellets so they always have one to turn to when they're about to be surrounded, but the rest of us get all too familiar with that "byoo byoo byoo BWAP BWAP" sound effect.

Don't deprive yourself of the thrill of munching on frightened ghosts. Activate a Power Pellet Booster to turn 24 random Pac-Dots into Power Pellets, and turn the tables on Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde!

This is it. One win and one loss. It's the final battle to take down M. Bison and strike down his nefarious Shadaloo criminal network. You and Ryu have made it all this way and nothing's gonna stop you now. Just get back, set up a good hadouken and… Ok! You've gotten him down a third of the way, play it conservative… No! He pulled off a scissor kick! But you can still recover if you just... andddd he knocked you out.

But wait, you can start right where you left off! All you need to do is drop a quarter in the - oh, wait, you already know how continues work? Ok then.

Here's the thing about Super Metroid: it's almost too big. Zebes has so many huge rooms and tiny nooks to explore, and every time you equip a new piece of equipment you get to go back and look it all over with a new eye for detail - like revisiting a book as you learn the complexities of its language. It's incredible. It's daunting.

Thankfully, Samus' limited supply of Exploration Energy ensures that players appreciate each and every room they visit. Passing through a door will deplete her reserves, so make sure you've found everything you need before you head out! Exploration Energy will recharge after enough time passes in the real world, but why not speed it up by watching a commercial or by using some of those Chozo Crystals you bought?

Ah, the joy of a well-constructed base. Look at it hum with activity, SCVs scurrying back and forth from mineral deposits and fresh marines pouring out of its barracks. The only bad part is that it took you so long to get everything set up just right that you don't really want to move on to the next level.

That's where SCV Boosts come in! Accelerate your building speed so new facilities form instantaneously, and never worry about spending hours establishing bases again! Don't worry Zerg and Protoss players, Larvae and Probe Boosts are available at the same reasonable price points!

Those are just a few of the many classics that could be made even better with the help of the humble microtransaction. I know you can think of a dozen more old favorites just begging for dialogue boxes that exhort players to spend more cash, so let me know what you think in the comments below!

As long as we're dwelling on the past, check out these .

Ah, love in video games. Remember when it was so cool and giggle-provoking that Final Fantasy 7 let you take whichever lady party member (or Barrett) you favored most on a date to the Golden Saucer? Back then, the idea of building a romance in a video game was mostly limited to creepy adult adventures/untranslated dating sims. Not so any more.

Thanks in large part to BioWare's brave experiments in high-stakes fantasy smooching, the modern game consumer expects a host of dating options in anything that can muster up a dialogue tree. This critical eye for digital matchmaking reveals a disturbing trend: there are so many good player companions that, for whatever reason, you just can't date. In the following slides you'll find some of the most egregious examples of sadly un-romanceable characters, from the fan favorites to the obscure. Fortunately for you, taking this relationship to the next level only requires the push of a button (instead of, like, three buttons spread out over the course of a campaign).

Just imagine how things would have been different if these two former crime partners dealt in affection instead of cocaine. Sure, they have their problems - Tommy Vercetti's a control freak who is more comfortable building a criminal empire than talking about his feelings, and Lance Vance is a self-hating coke addict who guards himself from the outside world (most of whom, admittedly, just laugh about his name) with a paper-thin veneer of narcissism.

But who doesn't have issues? Instead of doing endless quests to expand the influence of Tommy's various businesses, why not make enough money so you can check Lance into rehab? After he's cleaned up, why not take him out to Club Malibu to show him you can have a good time without getting into the stuff? Once Tommy and Lance have found happiness in one another, rather than in money and high-powered firearms, then they can take over the city. They're still heinous criminals, after all, but at least they have each other.

Ok, a disclaimer up front: my Shepard's relationship with Dr. Chakwas was one of my favorite unifying elements of the Mass Effect trilogy, and I don't think I'd change a single thing about it. That said, in another playthrough with another Shepard, would I share more than just a bottle of Serrice ice brandy with her? Definitely. But no dice - the closest the Commander can get to a fling with the wise and witty medicine woman is a cherished friendship. Psssh.

This is a BioWare game. If I can't make out with a character just before the climactic final mission, can I even be certain it exists? They'll let you do it with an extraterrestrial that could die from taking off her helmet, yet Dr. Chakwas is left all alone in her little sick bay night after night? I'm beginning to detect some latent ageism at work here and I am not at all happy about it.

You get Seth Green to do a voice role in your game and then you don't let players date him? That's… ok, that's actually pretty understandable. At first blush, going out with a hollow-boned Scott Evil doesn't sound very appealing - particularly when you could instead be dating a sexy space Australian, or a blue empath with a button nose, or a humanoid reptile dying of a romantic disease. Despite the relatively scant screentime that Joker manages to snag across the Mass Effect trilogy (usually while peering back from the helm of the Normandy), his endless jokes and dauntless loyalty still managed to steal hearts.

I'm just saying, BioWare would have been much better served making Joker romanceable than Kaidan (yuck). Yet the only time it saw fit to acknowledge the potential pairing was a throwaway line of dialogue in the third game, at which point he already has his sights set on EDI's new metallic form. Damn you, Joker! Her robotic arms may hold you tighter, but ours are far less likely to crush your ribcage!

Can the 'master of unlocking' pick her way into Chris Redfield's heart? Can the pointman for S.T.A.R.S. Alpha Team show he's more than a beefcake cop with a burning need to prove himself? I'd like to know, but for whatever reason Capcom left a romance subplot out of the original Resident Evil and the director's cut. Talk about an oversight! What an ideal change of pace it would have been to leave a little love note in a typewriter, or a touching little herb arrangement in a safe room, or to rearrange a bunch of puzzle panels into a heart shape.

That's all I'm really asking for, here - they don't need to convert Resident Evil into a full-scale dating sim. Whatever it is, it can't be worse than spending a decade-and-change denying the pair's chemistry as they go from police partners to the co-founders of the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance. Maybe the relationship doesn't work out after the adrenaline-pumping thrill of escaping the Spencer Estate wears off? That's completely fine - at least they gave it a shot.

Mario and Peach have been doing this whole ‘I rescue you, you bake me a cake, I rescue you, you give me a kiss on the cheek’ thing for almost 30 years. Clearly the kidnapper-rescuer dynamic did something for them at some point, but it's just become rote by now, and he still hasn't put a ring on it. It would be much healthier if they just broke off whatever informal courtship they maintain and see other people.

Peach will have her choice of royal suitors, but who should Mario try to connect with? Someone who doesn't carry around all that royal baggage. Someone who cares about his well-being enough to guide him through tutorial after tutorial. Someone who was happy for him when he and Peach were doing well, even though she cried at the thought of not seeing him. Someone whose bouncy pink braids could be made out of hair or fungus, depending on what Toad Caps actually are. Someone named Toadette.

This must have been one of the many concepts that got left on Irrational Games' cutting room floor, right? I mean, Elizabeth and Booker would just be so perfect together! He's the grizzled veteran who lost his wife in childbirth, she's the smart but naive young woman who is ready to find her place in the big, bright world. Remember when she asked him if there was a woman in his life? And all those coins and ammunition packs she keeps finding? Yeah, she wants the 'D'... as in 'DeWitt'. You're gross.

They complete each other so well, it's hard to believe that BioShock Infinite didn't set the two of them up. If only Irrational devoted fewer resources to endless gunfights and more to romance! Admittedly, I didn't finish the game, so maybe this entry is in error. They have to get together in the end, right? What reason could Booker and Elizabeth possibly have to not hook up?

Ah, Varric, he whose winning smile and flowing chest hair launched a thousand Tumblr posts. The guy has a lot going for him aside from the amber forest that sprouts from his ultra-low-cut shirt, of course. You'd be hard-pressed to find a more charming scoundrel outside of the Millenium Falcon. And despite his thin facade as a conniving spymaster, he can't help but use his underworld connections to protect his fellow adventurers.

In more grounded terms, he's clearly the best-adjusted character in the series, and once he gets too old for the adventuring game he can always retire to run the family business… or write trashy novels full time. If only he hadn't pledged his heart to Bianca - the girl, not the crossbow. Or maybe the crossbow, too? Oh well. Statistically speaking, if Varric keeps showing up in Dragon Age games he'll have to date a protagonist at some point.

You've made it to the finale! Now let me see if you've performed enough favorable actions to get the makeout ending… Hmm, looks like you're still on 'warm handshake' level. Ah well. But before we part ways, make sure to note in a few of your own ideas for companions that should have been romance-able in the comments below.

It's just not fair, considering how these in gaming.

Ah, love in video games. Remember when it was so cool and giggle-provoking that Final Fantasy 7 let you take whichever lady party member (or Barrett) you favored most on a date to the Golden Saucer? Back then, the idea of building a romance in a video game was mostly limited to creepy adult adventures/untranslated dating sims. Not so any more.

Thanks in large part to BioWare's brave experiments in high-stakes fantasy smooching, the modern game consumer expects a host of dating options in anything that can muster up a dialogue tree. This critical eye for digital matchmaking reveals a disturbing trend: there are so many good player companions that, for whatever reason, you just can't date. In the following slides you'll find some of the most egregious examples of sadly un-romanceable characters, from the fan favorites to the obscure. Fortunately for you, taking this relationship to the next level only requires the push of a button (instead of, like, three buttons spread out over the course of a campaign).

Just imagine how things would have been different if these two former crime partners dealt in affection instead of cocaine. Sure, they have their problems - Tommy Vercetti's a control freak who is more comfortable building a criminal empire than talking about his feelings, and Lance Vance is a self-hating coke addict who guards himself from the outside world (most of whom, admittedly, just laugh about his name) with a paper-thin veneer of narcissism.

But who doesn't have issues? Instead of doing endless quests to expand the influence of Tommy's various businesses, why not make enough money so you can check Lance into rehab? After he's cleaned up, why not take him out to Club Malibu to show him you can have a good time without getting into the stuff? Once Tommy and Lance have found happiness in one another, rather than in money and high-powered firearms, then they can take over the city. They're still heinous criminals, after all, but at least they have each other.

Ok, a disclaimer up front: my Shepard's relationship with Dr. Chakwas was one of my favorite unifying elements of the Mass Effect trilogy, and I don't think I'd change a single thing about it. That said, in another playthrough with another Shepard, would I share more than just a bottle of Serrice ice brandy with her? Definitely. But no dice - the closest the Commander can get to a fling with the wise and witty medicine woman is a cherished friendship. Psssh.

This is a BioWare game. If I can't make out with a character just before the climactic final mission, can I even be certain it exists? They'll let you do it with an extraterrestrial that could die from taking off her helmet, yet Dr. Chakwas is left all alone in her little sick bay night after night? I'm beginning to detect some latent ageism at work here and I am not at all happy about it.

You get Seth Green to do a voice role in your game and then you don't let players date him? That's… ok, that's actually pretty understandable. At first blush, going out with a hollow-boned Scott Evil doesn't sound very appealing - particularly when you could instead be dating a sexy space Australian, or a blue empath with a button nose, or a humanoid reptile dying of a romantic disease. Despite the relatively scant screentime that Joker manages to snag across the Mass Effect trilogy (usually while peering back from the helm of the Normandy), his endless jokes and dauntless loyalty still managed to steal hearts.

I'm just saying, BioWare would have been much better served making Joker romanceable than Kaidan (yuck). Yet the only time it saw fit to acknowledge the potential pairing was a throwaway line of dialogue in the third game, at which point he already has his sights set on EDI's new metallic form. Damn you, Joker! Her robotic arms may hold you tighter, but ours are far less likely to crush your ribcage!

Can the 'master of unlocking' pick her way into Chris Redfield's heart? Can the pointman for S.T.A.R.S. Alpha Team show he's more than a beefcake cop with a burning need to prove himself? I'd like to know, but for whatever reason Capcom left a romance subplot out of the original Resident Evil and the director's cut. Talk about an oversight! What an ideal change of pace it would have been to leave a little love note in a typewriter, or a touching little herb arrangement in a safe room, or to rearrange a bunch of puzzle panels into a heart shape.

That's all I'm really asking for, here - they don't need to convert Resident Evil into a full-scale dating sim. Whatever it is, it can't be worse than spending a decade-and-change denying the pair's chemistry as they go from police partners to the co-founders of the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance. Maybe the relationship doesn't work out after the adrenaline-pumping thrill of escaping the Spencer Estate wears off? That's completely fine - at least they gave it a shot.

Mario and Peach have been doing this whole ‘I rescue you, you bake me a cake, I rescue you, you give me a kiss on the cheek’ thing for almost 30 years. Clearly the kidnapper-rescuer dynamic did something for them at some point, but it's just become rote by now, and he still hasn't put a ring on it. It would be much healthier if they just broke off whatever informal courtship they maintain and see other people.

Peach will have her choice of royal suitors, but who should Mario try to connect with? Someone who doesn't carry around all that royal baggage. Someone who cares about his well-being enough to guide him through tutorial after tutorial. Someone who was happy for him when he and Peach were doing well, even though she cried at the thought of not seeing him. Someone whose bouncy pink braids could be made out of hair or fungus, depending on what Toad Caps actually are. Someone named Toadette.

This must have been one of the many concepts that got left on Irrational Games' cutting room floor, right? I mean, Elizabeth and Booker would just be so perfect together! He's the grizzled veteran who lost his wife in childbirth, she's the smart but naive young woman who is ready to find her place in the big, bright world. Remember when she asked him if there was a woman in his life? And all those coins and ammunition packs she keeps finding? Yeah, she wants the 'D'... as in 'DeWitt'. You're gross.

They complete each other so well, it's hard to believe that BioShock Infinite didn't set the two of them up. If only Irrational devoted fewer resources to endless gunfights and more to romance! Admittedly, I didn't finish the game, so maybe this entry is in error. They have to get together in the end, right? What reason could Booker and Elizabeth possibly have to not hook up?

Ah, Varric, he whose winning smile and flowing chest hair launched a thousand Tumblr posts. The guy has a lot going for him aside from the amber forest that sprouts from his ultra-low-cut shirt, of course. You'd be hard-pressed to find a more charming scoundrel outside of the Millenium Falcon. And despite his thin facade as a conniving spymaster, he can't help but use his underworld connections to protect his fellow adventurers.

In more grounded terms, he's clearly the best-adjusted character in the series, and once he gets too old for the adventuring game he can always retire to run the family business… or write trashy novels full time. If only he hadn't pledged his heart to Bianca - the girl, not the crossbow. Or maybe the crossbow, too? Oh well. Statistically speaking, if Varric keeps showing up in Dragon Age games he'll have to date a protagonist at some point.

You've made it to the finale! Now let me see if you've performed enough favorable actions to get the makeout ending… Hmm, looks like you're still on 'warm handshake' level. Ah well. But before we part ways, make sure to note in a few of your own ideas for companions that should have been romance-able in the comments below.

It's just not fair, considering how these in gaming.