Amateur chiropractors of Earthrealm rejoice! in MKX, but with Friendship and Babality finishers currently nowhere to be seen, we could do with a bit more variety.

What these fight-ending 'konclusions' really need is a good old kick up the bum. Metaphorically speaking, of course. No-one needs to see Sub-Zero's anus collapsing via slow-mo x-ray. Give us some madcap variety, NetherRealm! Crack open a dictionary, thumb your way through, find something that the MK announcer would love to utter - preferably ending in 'ity' - and have at it! That's what this big list is all about. More exciting climaxes than an evening spent at Hustler HQ… Enjoy.

Player One hands Player Two a bowling ball entirely composed of soap slivers and signed photos of MC Hammer, served in a man's hat.

Player One dons the costume of a Southern Bavarian pig farmer, proceeds to perform a lengthy and poorly choreographed interpretive dance number.

Player One treats his enemy to a nice day out at the wildlife park, telling him it's a petting zoo…

Player One straps his foe with a lifelike Thomas Edison mask, before summoning up the vengeful spirit of Nikola Tesla. Let the genital-shocking shenanigans begin!

Player One invites their opponent to a swanky new club, but 'forgets' to add them to the guest list.

Player One wheels out an old CRT TV and a Nintendo 64. They opt to settle their differences with a single game of GoldenEye. No Oddjobs.

Player One can't quite seem to advance up the 'living tower'. *winking intensifies*

Player One forces Player Two to perform several humiliating rituals. It later turns out that 'Tau Psi Alpha Tau' isn't a real frat at all.

Player One offers Player Two a place to stay, at least until he can get back on his feet. Also, Player One just sheared him in half.

Player One dons nondescript waiter's garb, before offering his opponent a tasty crab puff. Said puff is stuffed with nitroglycerin.

Player One breaks supersonic wind on their opponent, putrefying them instantly.

In a shocking twist, Player One announces Player two's real parentage live on TV, Jerry Springer-style. They embrace, sobbing.

With no unique weapons to hand, Player One manages to MacGyver together a chainsaw out of toothpicks and old shoes.

Player Two is forced to decide distinguish butter from I Can't Believe it's Not Butter, a decision that ultimately renders him quite mad.

Player One's lawyer takes a good, long look at the MK tourney's laundry list of health and safety violations. The 'kontest' is promptly closed down. Shao Khan is arrested, and later shanked to death in the prison block showers.

Player One morphs into Chris Pratt. All is made well.

Player One summons up a gigantic blender, before dicing their opponent into a nutritious gore chunk smoothie.

Player One rounds up the old babality gang and convinces them to eviscerate Player Two. Authorities later find the victim with a baby rattle implanted in his windpipe.

Player One destroys Player Two in the most modern way possible, by releasing several naked pics of them onto Instagram.

Player One forces Player Two to oil him up in preparation for the big bodybuilding meet. Many awkward glances are exchanged.

Player One meticulously recreates the Christmas manger scene, before stuffing Player Two into the crib, weighing him down with gifts of frankincense and myrrh, and finally filling him up with hot liquid gold. It's a Game of Thrones golden shower!

Player One streaks across the stage in nothing but their birthday suit. Player Two giggles and/or ogles, as appropriate.

Player One force-feeds the opponent a la The Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror. Player Two promptly explodes.

Player One runs around the arena honking like a crack-addled goose.

Player One clambers up one of those evil-eyed trees overlooking the ladies' changing rooms. "Got wood?", the tree asks the 'kombatant', before eating said pervert alive.

Player Two becomes Player One's all new manservant, fetching grapes, bathing his sores and acting as a human footstool.

Player One tears into Player Two with the vitriolic vocab of a lifelong bus station loony. Most of it, naturally, does not make sense.

Player One rides his defeated enemy into a Scrooge Mcduck-like ocean of 'koins', using him like a surfboard until the hard, metallic waves eventually scrape his front off.

Player Two narrowly avoids having his thorax ripped out thanks to train delays. Player One, having arrived for the fight on time, tries to call him seven or eight times, before giving up and buggering off back home.

Player One accepts the blame for the whole silly argument, and the two 'kompetitors' skip off into the sunset.

Player One forgets why he came here, and what exactly he was doing. Player Two begins humming the tune to 'A long way to Tipperary'.

Player One tears open Player two's abdomen, revealing a badly swollen appendix. Player Two has it promptly removed, and everyone goes for ice cream.

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Player One pays Player Two a heartfelt complement. They hug it out.

Player One reveals to Player Two why he cannot perform a babality.

Player One recalls that time Player Two asked how many quarters there were in a basketball game, much to the amusement of the assembled 'kast' of 'kharacters'. Player Two slowly ambles off home for a good cry.

Player One arranges a marriage for Player Two, despite the fact that Player Two definitely, properly loves someone else. Probably someone lowborn yet dashing. It's the plotline to every period drama ever made. But with more spines.

Player One smugly lectures Player Two on the benefits of going green. Player Two opts to compost himself.

Referees rush the stage to announce that Player Two is wearing the wrong sort of shoe grips, or friendship bracelets, or maybe underpants, and is therefore disqualified.

Player One hams it up like a young Laurence Olivier, performing one of those twirly, ever-so-slightly camp, and completely bloodless death scenes from the 1950s.

Player One requests one of the lesser-known System of a Down tracks, but the bone-idle DJ just plays this instead. Player Two is really more of an indie guy and so decides to implode his own skull rather than listen to it.

Player One treats Player Two to an all-expenses spa day, before drowning him in the Jacuzzi.

Player One invites Player Two to "Get over here". Player Two declines, saying he has homework, but Zack Chadly totally sees him at the mall later that day!

Player One's dungeon spike dealer said he'd have the stuff sorted by Tuesday, and today's Thursday! Uppercutting your enemies to their deaths just isn't the same without a little shish kebab action at the bottom.

Player One attempts to disembowel Player Two with a wheel of cheese and squeaky toy hammer.

Player One confronts Player Two about his unpaid gas and electricity bills. Player Two assures Player One that he'll have the money for him by next Friday, but Player One knows that game. It's the same old bullshit he tried to pull last week. Player One asks Player Two if he enjoyed utilising all that free power, then proceeds to pump him full of premium-rate gas and electricity.

"Then have all the power you can handle!", he screams, laughing maniacally…

Taking a page out of the Covenant's book, Player One 'glasses' their opponent with superhot plasma, then uses their newly-reflective remains to check themselves out. Blue Steel, baby!

Player One just shuffles around awkwardly, failing to meet the gaze of his much cooler opponent. Then he goes home.

Player One dazzles the opponent with all manner of amazing tricks - simultaneously solving a Rubik's cube, preparing the perfect cappuccino, and writing an Oscar-worthy screenplay - all whilst playing the piano, trumpet and xylophone at the same time. Player Two exits the stage to consider how utterly shit he is in comparison.

Player One performs a series of increasingly lewd gestures, forcing their prudish opponent - with hand to forehead, and monocle dropping from eye socket - to collapse to the ground with a gasp. The indignity!

Oh, the endless, excruciating possibilities! To rip any of these suggestions to shreds and/or add some of your own, head on down to the comments section below.

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