Hideo Kojima is many things: ingenious game developer, enigmatic personality, avid film buff. .

Given all the dirty secrets strewn throughout the series, it's a wonder how Kojima and his team weren't being marched into the HR department on a regular basis. To show you what we mean, we've gathered some of the most incredibly not-safe-for-work moments from throughout Snake's many missions. Whether you're viewing these lewd bits in this article or in-game, just pray that nobody suddenly walks in on you, or there will definitely be a loud chime and a red exclamation mark over somebody's head.

There's a part near the end of MGS3 where you have to lead Eva through a dense jungle toward freedom, but if you hit her with a tranquilizer dart, she'll fall asleep and have some rather vivid dreams, starring her and one Naked Snake. Bonus NSFW: During this gameplay sequence, you can pop into the Cure menu and take a glance at Eva's medical history. One of the items on the list is a breast augmentation, which you'll probably notice if you rotate her X-ray model around.

Each of the members in the Beauty and the Beast unit is both glamorous and terrifying. After destroying their mechanical form, they shed their armor to reveal a gorgeous runway model clad in a skin-tight latex suit who hunts you down like a demon from a Japanese horror flick. But if you don't neutralize the boss within a few minutes, you're both transported to an all-white room for three minutes, and it's here that the Beauty will actually pose for photos if you equip your camera. It's bizarrely exploitative, even for Metal Gear - especially when Drebin recounts their sordid backstory for you after you take them out.

Quiet's manner of dress certainly leaves little to the imagination, and The Phantom Pain at least wearing a handkerchief and ripped fishnet stockings in the Afghan desert is a proper outfit for a sniper. When you recruit Quiet and visit her in her cell, you'll find her lounging around, most likely with her top undone as she sunbathes on her cot. Sometimes, she'll shower, just kind of… standing there and rubbing herself as the water falls from the spigot, then kneeling down and slowly splashing around in the puddles. Again, there's a reason for it, but, uh, yeah.

The soldiers of the Metal Gear Solid universe are easily distracted - whether it's a noise they hear in the distance, or a box lying on the ground, they'll probably break from their patrol and take a look. That goes double for the, erm, "gentleman's" magazines you can leave lying around on the ground. Plop one on the ground with its centerfold visible, and once the enemy's got it in its sights, you've got a good few minutes of uninterrupted sneaking.

Whether you're a high-school student or a hardened terrorist occupying Big Shell, it can be nice to cover up the cold, dreary metal of a locker's interior with an image of someone you find attractive. Snake will sometimes stumble on posters of bikini girls when hiding out in MGS2's lockers, and switching to the first-person perspective ensures that it's all up in your face. If you continuously zoom in and out, you'll hear the gooshy squelch of a 'kiss', the controller will start to gently vibrate, and Otacon will scold you on the codec with a good bit of shaming. The embarrassed, mouth-agape look on Snake's face says it all.

In keeping with series tradition, the sword-combat-centric spin-off Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance has images of voluptuous women plastered in the most random places. Now, one of the main hooks in Revengeance is Blade Mode, which lets you rapidly slash Raiden's sword at any angle you choose. And these pin-up posters just happen to be covered in yellow "KEEP OUT" tape, arranged just so to make it look like the women are naked underneath; slicing it away reveals that these models are in fact wearing bikinis. And in one instance, trying to cut the clothes off a cardboard cutout instantly replaces it with another cutout of the same woman, now dressed in leather. The hell?

In Metal Gear Solid 4, Rosemary is assigned by Campbell to be Snake's go-to psychological counselor and can be called for advice at any time by codec. What Rose doesn't know is that someone seems to have upgraded her bra with player-controlled.

Seriously, what is up with her shirt? Are there buttons missing?

The individual levels in VR Missions are mostly benign - sneak through here, defeat these Godzilla-sized soldiers, what have you - but eventually you can unlock a Photography mode, which lets you voyeuristically take pictures of 3D models of Snake's assistant, Mei Ling. Complete more missions and you can inch ever closer in the virtual space, so you can take better photos. Yay?

Oh, MGS2: when you go off the rails, you sail right off a cliff in a blaze of glory. Near the end of the game, Raiden ends up captured and strapped to a torture device, with all of his possessions removed - including his sneaking suit. Raiden is freed from his confines, but without clothes, Raiden must cover his shame with his hands. His typically sweet cartwheel jump is now the stuff of nightmares, his legs splayed out wide as he flings himself through the air.

You can't be too careful in the world of Metal Gear Solid 3. Spies, double-agents, and double-double-agents lurk around every corner. In this world of constant deceit and deception, how are you supposed to know who to trust? Colonel Volgin knows the answer: crotch check. If you think someone might be a spy - or is perhaps impersonating your silver-haired boy toy - give their . Any impersonator isn't going to know what the hell to do in such a situation, as poor Naked Snake discovered leading up to MGS3's famous torture scene.

Snake's Octo-camo in MGS4 is incredibly versatile, allowing him to blend into his surroundings and hide in plain sight. This includes a set of ruined statues early on in chapter one. Simply climb up on the pedestal, hold the triangle button, and Snake will blend into his surroundings by pretending to be one of the statues - tastefully covering the exposed genitalia of the carving next to him. Do this a couple times, though, and that penis will break right off. Art doesn't last forever, especially art found inside a warzone.

POOP JOKES! Oh boy, who here doesn't like a good poop joke? Certainly not Kojima, which is why we have Johnny Sasaki, aka "Akiba" which is Japanese for "Dude what poops in barrels." Seeing this poor man make a mess in his pants time and time again invokes the old adage: first time is funny, second time is silly, third time is how the hell do I skip this cutscene? And just like Quiet's convenient excuse for her wardrobe, Johnny also has a totally-legitimate-reason-guys for his spontaneous fecal discharge that clearly couldn't have been handled any other way.

In the caves of the original Metal Gear Solid, equipping the box at the right time can lead to a wolf… relieving itself on Snake. Now, thanks to Snake’s new scent, the wolves treat him as one of their own. MGS2 ups the urination ante by forcing Raiden to sneak past a soldier who's micturating over the railing directly above you. As Campbell puts it, "sneaking missions are called wetworks for a reason, after all."

One of the primary players in Peace Walker's complex plot is Paz Ortega Andrade, a 16-year-old high school student who gets mixed up in the international espionage that seems to follow Snake wherever he goes. During the cutscene when you first meet Paz, you're given control of the camera and unexplained x-ray vision, letting you zoom in to glimpse this underage girl's undergarments for absolutely no reason. Later on, during the Extra Ops 67 mission (codenamed "Date with Paz"), you can hide under the cardboard 'Love Box'; Paz will eventually ask to join you under there and do God knows what while the box rocks back and forth. Alternatively, you can use CQC to cop a feel while Paz is admiring the ocean, at which point she'll rightfully slap you to the ground. Jesus Christ, Kojima. You literally just made your main character a pedophile.