King's Quest - "Voicing a Modern Classic" Behind The Scenes Trailer | PS4, PS3
Added: 11.05.2015 17:17 | 20 views | 0 comments
Playstation writes:
Kings Quest: Voicing a Modern Classic is the second installment in a four-part series revealing the headlining talent at the heart of bringing Kings Quest to life. Talent includes veterans Christopher Lloyd and Wallace Shawn as well as Josh Keaton, Maggie Elizabeth Jones and Zelda Williams. In Voicing a Modern Classic find out what they have to say about voicing one of gaming's most memorable franchises.
From:
n4g.com
| Billie Holiday Gives Thurgood Marshall A Beatdown in Hastings Paradise
Added: 09.04.2015 9:17 | 42 views | 0 comments
Marcus Estrada writes: "Hastings Paradise has a distinct NeoGeo Pocket-style chunky pixel art look to it. This design makes its cast of real life characters seem strangely cute, but there's certainly nothing wrong with that. The most appealing part of the project, to me anyway, is definitely the characters you'll be able to fight as or against. Duke Ellington, Billie Holiday, and Thurgood Marshall have (to the best of my knowledge) never been represented directly in a video game before, which is pretty cool. And honestly, why aren't folks like Elizabeth "Bessie" Coleman or Amelia Earhart the inspiration for existing games already?"
From:
n4g.com
| Top 7... Incredible scenes that got cut from your favorite games
Added: 16.03.2015 18:00 | 43 views | 0 comments
You've finally done it. You've written your 1200-page game bible, describing all 150 painstakingly detailed levels, 20 different boss fights, and an overarching plot that spans generations. Now comes the part where you actually, y'know, make it. You've got two years to do so, and your publisher's last 'sure-fire' project just got sent through the critical meat grinder, so your budget's been chopped in half. Aaaaaand half of your top-level staff has quit in frustration. Hope you're not married to that hours-long multi-path ending you were planning on implementing.
There are lots of reasons certain scenes get cut, whether it's due to a lack of time, hardware constraints, or the developers simply biting off more than they can chew. Sometimes, the cuts go unnoticed, and the rest of the game goes on without a hitch. Some other games don’t cut enough, continuing to clumsily refer to these now non-existent events, leaving you wondering just what the hell everyone is talking about. And a surprising amount of these cuts are very much last-minute changes, as evidenced by their content’s persisting but locked-off presence on the final retail disc. It’s a weird old mix of stuff, alright. Ever wondered what could have been? Check out these seven amazing scenes that were cut from your favorite video games.
The Ghostbusters game is famous for two things: letting players act out their favorite moments from the classic films and also for not sucking like nearly every other licensed video game. It's pure fanservice, letting you run amok in a hotel, library, sewers, and more, generally destroying everything in sight on your quest to bust as many ghosts as possible. One particular scene was supposed to take you through the streets of Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, but was inexplicably cut.
As you can see from , the level design and crowd AI were both in place, and if you go digging around on the disc, you'll even find some cutscenes that were supposed to take place during this parade. Had the level been included, you would have captured ghosts while riding on a float as huge balloons filled the sky. In the final game, the mayor even makes specific reference to how the Ghostbusters have wrecked "his library, museum, and parade," despite the parade never actually making it in. It's a shame, because this level sounds awesome.
Saints Row: The Third's story, while full of hilarious sequences and lots and lots of crotch punching, feels a bit lacking, and some details from the actually shed some light on as to why. According to the guide, there were several different drafts and details that changed over the course of development. At one point, Johnny Gat was supposed to be captured instead of killed, characters like Viola and Kiki would have joined the Saints, and Shaundi was actually supposed to be off gallivanting on a reality show in Mexico.
But the best scene that was left on the editing room floor? After the bridge to Stilwater is destroyed, there was supposed to be a cutscene featuring a -style song routine as the Saints attempt to raise money to rebuild the city. I'm actually a bit saddened now, knowing that this was supposed to exist. It would have been hilarious.
A playthrough of Shadow of the Colossus will take an average player anywhere from 8-10 hours. Not too shabby for a game based solely around traversing a barren landscape filled with 16 boss fights. Now imagine that total time nearly tripled, as developer Fumito Uedo originally envisioned as many as 48 colossi available to conquer.
Realizing that 48 hulking beasts was probably a bit too much for the PlayStation 2 to handle, Ueda cut the roster down to a more manageable 24. due to budget constraints and other limitations, with their only existence confirmed by their presence in the game's artbook. Among the cut colossi are a massive daddy longlegs, a phoenix, a griffon, and even a monkey. While those seem interesting enough, I'm actually even more curious about the other 24 colossi that were planned. The sheer number of them would have lead to some absolutely bonkers concepts, most of them completely unlike the 16 we actually got.
Between fighting space pirates, battling those annoying metroids, and otherwise coping with the deadly flora and fauna of Tallon IV, Samus certainly has her hands full during her first 3D outing. Hell, she even comes across a cyborg version of perpetual thorn-in-her-side Ridley, who attacks her during the penultimate boss fight. But Ridley wasn't supposed to be the only major villain making their GameCube debut. If things had gone to plan, Samus would have come across a giant, three-dimensional version of Super Metroid's Kraid.
Referred to as by fans, this overweight lizard was modelled, textured, and intended to be used as a boss fight in the Phazon Mines on Tallon IV. A large portion of his level was prototyped and implemented, but would have delayed Metroid Prime's release date. Unfortunately, he was deemed 'unimportant' to the overall experience, and thus got the axe. Maybe he'll finally get his due in a high-definition sequel? Fingers crossed.
is a long time to wait for any game, let alone for the highly anticipated followup to instant classic BioShock. And a lot can change over five years, as different modes and areas are created because they sound cool and dropped when they don't work. If you compare the BioShock Infinite we got in 2013 to the preview trailers shown in the years leading up to release, you can see some pretty spectacular moments that never actually made it into the final release.
In this from 2010, Booker's companion Elizabeth seems to have way more power at her disposal than she does in the actual 2013 release. She's not only opening tears to hidden weapon caches, but she's also summoning rain clouds for him to use as a conductor for his electricity hands. There's even an exciting and protracted bridge battle, complete with dramatic appearance by the intimidating Songbird - all of which was cut from the final game. While this trailer is likely more proof-of-concept than actual gameplay, it's still intriguing that many of the ideas and locations shown off prior to release were either changed or removed completely.
If you've played Metal Gear Solid 2, you've probably noticed that the lead-up to the final boss feels a bit… truncated. Raiden goes from standing on top of Arsenal Gear in the middle of the ocean to battling Solidus on top of a ruined building in New York City within a few awkward edits. So what happened?
Well, there was supposed to be a lengthy sequence showing Arsenal Gear smashing its way through the New York skyline, knocking into the Statue of Liberty (which would wind up on Ellis Island after the dust settled). All told, the out-of-control Gear should have crushed half of Manhattan, but all of it was cut in the wake of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. While it's a shame that the removal caused such a jarring disconnect between the aforementioned scenes, it would have been in incredibly poor taste if Metal Gear Solid 2 had shipped with this scene intact, mere months after the attacks.
It's no secret that Knights of the Old Republic 2 shipped unfinished. Pushed up against a looming deadline, developer Obsidian had to make a hard decision and cut swaths of content just to get the game out the door. It hacked off reams of character interactions and dialog, removed locations like a droid production plant and an entire extra planet, and even cut large sections of the ending. The final product left players confused and incomplete. Something was obviously missing.
Thankfully, many of the related files were still included on the game's discs, despite not being accessible during the course of normal play. have since taken these files, prettied them up, and fitted them back into the main game, including that awesome sequence in the aforementioned droid factory. Bring that misanthropic HK-47 droid with you, and either save and recruit the robots found within, or blow them all up. And the ending? Well, there actually is one now. Finally; closure.
No one likes to cut their favorite feature or tear-jerking scene, but sometimes difficult decisions need to be made in the name of actually shipping a product. Luckily, many of these scenes get to live on thanks to rereleases and player-created mods. What are some of your favorite deleted scenes? Let me know in the comments!
Looking for more? Check out the .
Tags: Among, City, Evil, PlayStation, World, Saints, States, Gear, When, Infinite, Island, BioShock, BioShock Infinite, Shoot, Metal, Metal Gear, Solid, Shadow, Raider, There, After, While, Kids, Trade, Hold, Gear Solid, Elizabeth, According, Something, Chevy, Cute, York, Soul, September
From:
www.gamesradar.com
| Why Not a Hunger Games Console Game
Added: 04.03.2015 7:09 | 40 views | 0 comments
The Hunger Games franchise has had recent success in theaters after having great success as a popular book series, so why not a video game? The Hunger Games movies have been a great success due to the superb acting of Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth, Elizabeth Banks, Josh Hutcherson, and Woody Harrelson and the emotion story set in a dystopian world. Although fans of the series would love to see a realistic 3D model of the game be produced, the game itself would come up short for the same reason as the other video games based off of movies. The best possible version of a Hunger Games game that the public could receive is a Lego produced Hunger Games.
From:
n4g.com
| 15 ridiculously NSFW gaming ads (for totally unsexy stuff)
Added: 05.02.2015 23:00 | 61 views | 0 comments
It's a commonly held belief that sex sells, but that's not really true. Sure, sexually charged imagery has a good chance of grabbing people's attention, but just because someone does a double-take on your product, doesn't mean they're going to snatch it up and sprint over to the nearest cash register. Advertisements full of TA might be marginally appropriate when the game in question is all about naked bodies - Leisure Suit Larry, Muscle March, Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball, what have you. But typically, in-your-face objectification in game ads is reserved for titles that are desperate to distract you from their blatant flaws and failures.
You've no doubt seen those Game of War commercials starring Kate Upton, which devote roughly 0.05% of the ad's runtime to the game itself. But this is just the latest in a not-so-proud tradition of games trying to ensnare those who make purchasing decisions with what's in their pants. Strap in for a ride on this libido roller coaster, as we journey back through time to see the most ridiculously sexual game ads that in no way represent what's actually being sold.
I'm fairly certain that, at no point in the entire course of human history, has an actual person earnestly commented that "You deserve an orgy today!" But maybe Wartune is on to something. Instead of complimenting your co-worker in the hall with "Hey Alex, great job on the quarterly earnings presentation today!", why not try shouting "Hey Alex, you deserve an orgy for the way you presented that PowerPoint!" across the office? You'll destroy your reputation and career in one fell swoop, but you'll have that much common with this stolen art asset of a smiling maiden lifted from a Chinese MMO.
If Wartune really did invite people over for a rollicking evening of group sex, it would only allow its participants to remove one item of clothing (socks included, and counted individually) every seventeen hours. Its actual gameplay is about as arousing as looking at a map while someone begs you for money.
Ah, Evony - a modern classic of laughably bad and ineffective advertising. What started as a concerted effort to grab the attention of horny web surfers devolved into something bordering on self-parody, with banner ads that assume breasts, in any form, have the same effect as a hypnotist's swaying watch. If you're the kind of person who excitedly clicks on each and every Evony ad you encounter online, then prepare for a lifetime of disappointment. Things are only going to get worse from here.
Think Farmville is for Facebook casuals, but find yourself itching to click a bunch of static images while you wait for something to happen? Hankering for a SimVillage where it takes a real-world week to erect a new building? Evony is the game for you, person who doesn't exist!
If you find this imagery to be sexy, then you're well on your way to becoming a festishistic serial killer who can only make love to modified mannequins. If you find this imagery funny, you're just an idiot.
Congratulations: you're now the owner of a system with next to zero first-party support! I hope you like playing imported visual novels, JRPGs, cool indies, or remote play, because that's all you'll ever use this handheld for!
This anatomically incorrect comic book woman took a break from her role in a Rob Liefeld comic to stand next to these controllers, so I guess they must be tangentially related! Note the pasted-on Nyko logo on her shirt, carefully manipulated to accentuate the curvature of her breasts and half-raised nipples. Just to clarify, what does all this have to do with third-party controllers, again?
I guess the intent was that, when you see this drawing of a woman, your palms will become so sweaty that you'll be begging for some kind of fan-powered plastic controller to dry them off. Or maybe her dead-eyed stare will somehow remind you that your hands become rainforests whenever you're playing a game (kinda like mine)? Either way, Air Flo controllers are what you game with if you don't want anyone to ever take you seriously.
It's not often that an advertisement will use beastiality as an incentive to purchase a product. Actually, I'm not sure if it's still called beastiality when the animal you're sexually assaulting can breath underwater. And I'll be damned before I look that up on the Internet.
The visual imagery of inseminating a sea bass is only slightly more revolting than the gameplay in this Dreamcast oddity. You'll question if the sex crime you committed against all of creation was worth it when your offspring looks like Ariel's inbred half-cousin, thrice removed.
Hello, ladies! I don't speak Japanese, but your kind eyes and winning smiles are a universal form of communication. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that you're neither featured nor interested in Gallop Racer 2, and judging by your attire, jockeying is not your formal profession. So I'm a little confused as to why you're taking up more space on the page than the gameplay screenshots. Oh well!
If you often purchase horse racing games from Japan at retail, then I'm sorry to have offended you with such mockery. But then again, you're not actually reading this right now, are you? You're probably off somewhere betting fake money on fake horses because that's what your life has become. Unless the game in question is , in which case I take it all back.
"There's only one thing more torturous than playing Deathtrap Dungeon. Not playing it." So... were people writhing in agony before Eidos pressed this game to disc? Waterboarding, bamboo shoots under the fingernails, drills drawing ever closer to your eardrum - all of it pales in comparison to this third-person Dark Ages brawler. Which I guess is a good reason to buy it? Maybe?
Ian Livingstone is the author of the Fighting Fantasy series of choose-your-own-adventure books. You know how those tend to devolve into a series of dead-ends, confusing riddles, and fatal pitfalls that you can't see coming? Now picture that with some chunky polygons, and you've got Ian Livingstone's Deathtrap Dungeon in a nutshell. Yep - Livingstone was slapping his name on games before American McGee made it cool for a whole five minutes. But to be fair, at least there's actually a playable dominatrix in this game.
Pop quiz: what's the best way to promote the latest game from a third-rate mascot? If you answered "Show a parody of Janet Jackson's infamous Rolling Stone cover instead of gameplay," then you're a late '90s publicist who got flung into our time to discover that everyone thinks you're dumb as hell. Welcome! This is what's become of that little fad called "the internet". We currently have no way of sending you back to your former reality. Sorry about that.
Now admittedly, Playboy model Marliece Andrada is in Gex 3, relegated to FMV cutscenes that serve as the springboard for Gex's horndog comments. But all of those... ugh... "Miss Adventures" boil down to running and jumping through very loosely themed 3D stages, all while you daydream about playing Super Mario 64 instead. Ah, and before I forget: obligatory Geico joke.
You'd be amazed (or maybe not) at how rarely men take the sexualization spotlight in video game advertising, so Blood is a refreshing outlier. "You're soaking in it," reads the text carefully placed near this fellow's abs/crotch. I was under the impression that I was looking at a fold-out ad in a magazine, rather than soaking in blood, but I guess I stand corrected. I'm also of the belief that this man's nipples could cut through glass.
The Blood ad also has the decency to show actual gameplay to the audience - imagine that! But since this shooter uses a first-person perspective, there's no way to tell that the protagonist, Caleb, is a gritty Wild West gunslinger raised from the dead, not the hunky genderswap of Elizabeth Bathory. False advertising strikes yet again! In any case, you should go play Blood. It's pretty great.
I have no idea what this advertisement is actually for, because all I see when I look at it is a woman's butt. That description text? Those in-game screenshots? They may as well not exist, because they are vying for your attention against impossible odds (much like the paragraph you're currently reading). But besides reducing a real woman with thoughts and feelings to an anonymous rear end, there are some definite problems with this ad. I get that "Take advantage" is a tennis joke, but given the context, it sounds like the inner monologue of a sexual predator. And why is this tennis player holding a boxed game at this exact moment in time? What, is she about to spike it across the net for a highly illegal serve?
It's a tennis game. Tengen made it. I'm not sure what else you want me to say. I guess they do have individually pixelated butts.
Here's a 'pro tip': Don't stick your penis into a Game Gear. This man mistook his Sega-brand handheld for a sex toy, and his flattened, cartridge-shaped wang now serves as a permanent reminder that he was dead wrong. Maybe if this oaf was actually looking down, he would've realized that he was vigorously humping a piece of plastic.
You know, the Game Gear did full-color handheld visuals when the Game Boy didn't. You know what else the Game Boy didn't have? A voracious appetite for six AA batteries every two hours, housed in a system so bulky it could barely be called portable.
I pray to God that this woman safely escaped from the disheveled murder-house belonging to this homicidal, Tetris-obsessed maniac. Looking at this image makes me instinctually want to call the police, not rush to a store and snag a slimmer Game Boy. Advertisements like this one are why we can't have nice things, humanity.
Here's a fun experiment! Tell a joke about that time a riveting game of Tetris took priority over SM roleplaying with your significant other. Now, look around you. Is anyone laughing? No - because you're alone, and with that sense of humor, you always will be.
I think The Lonely Island wrote a song about this exact scenario. Are those mustached twins our heroes? The villains? I honestly have no idea. The woman in the green bikini looks like she's longingly gazing at the place she'd rather be - somewhere, anywhere but here.
Complete with levels that liberally rip off Space Harrier and Contra! Konami made Turtles in Time and Sunset Riders, so it's eternally forgiven for any arcade stinkers. But you won't score any points with the bikini babes by completing this coin-muncher, I'm afraid to say. Looks like you bought that neon-pink-and-yellow wetsuit and white fedora for nothing.
The photographer probably told this model to look like she was having fun. Yet the picture makes it look like she's running away screaming from this lecherous-looking man. And "Gotcha!" is typically what psychos say before a devilish grin flashes across their face, a loud violin chord rings out, and the screen cuts to black. Also, this arcade cabinet is purposely designed to make the controls look like giant pink nipples. Way to go, Atari. Also also, why is the woman transparent? Are they ghosts? This adds a whole new dimension to the terror!
No, this isn't a '70s training simulation for aspiring cryptographers - it's all the hot, steamy in-game action awaiting you in GOTCHA. You play as a ball chasing a plus sign through a shifting maze of random shapes. Because that presentation could be interpreted as literally anything, Atari's advertisers thought it would be best to offer sexual harassment as the prompt for your mind's eye. For this, they shall burn in Hell.
Why do you have to put me on the spot like that, Interlude ad? Yes, I often like to strip down to my unmentionables and lug an 80-pound home computer into my bed. Is that so wrong? I'm no different from any other sane human being: I just want to be loved. Can your product finally offer an escape from my lonely nights and tear-stained pillowcases?
As hilarious demonstrates, Interlude is just a questionnaire of your sexual fantasies, with the end goal being specified instructions for having sex. There's just one problem: by the time you've finished asking your computer about how to best please your lover, they will have already started a meaningful relationship with someone who talks to them instead of filling out 'sexy' surveys.
So there you have it - sex has been used in the attempt to sell games since the '70s, and it doesn't look like things are going to change anytime soon. Big ups to the tumblr, which has loads of retro gaming ads both classic and horrifying. Tell me in the comments which ad you think is the most egregious - and please, refrain from sharing which one got you the most aroused.
And if you're hungry for more light-hearted mockery, check out .
Tags: Dead, Mario, Gain, Thief, Gear, Daly, When, False, Island, With, Jump, Japan, American, Sure, Space, Test, Time, While, Shop, Alice, Mini, McGee, Complete, Super Mario, Bloom, Dungeon, Elizabeth, Facebook, Karl, Because, Bears, Tale, Konami
From:
www.gamesradar.com
| 15 ridiculously NSFW gaming ads (for totally un-sexy stuff)
Added: 05.02.2015 23:00 | 60 views | 0 comments
It's a commonly held belief that sex sells, but that's not really true. Sure, sexually charged imagery has a good chance of grabbing people's attention, but just because someone does a double-take on your product, doesn't mean they're going to snatch it up and sprint over to the nearest cash register. Advertisements full of TA might be marginally appropriate when the game in question is all about naked bodies - Leisure Suit Larry, Muscle March, Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball, what have you. But typically, in-your-face objectification in game ads is reserved for titles that desperate to distract you from their blatant flaws and failures.
You've no doubt seen those Game of War commercials starring Kate Upton, which devote roughly 0.05% of the ad's runtime to the game itself. But this is just the latest in a not-so-proud tradition of games trying to ensnare those who make purchasing decisions with what's in their pants. Strap in for a ride on this libido roller coaster as we journey back through time to see the most ridiculously sexual game ads that in no way represent what's actually being sold.
I'm fairly certain that, at no point in the entire course of human history, has an actual person earnestly commented that "You deserve an orgy today!" But maybe Wartune is on to something. Instead of complimenting your co-worker in the hall with "Hey Alex, great job on the quarterly earnings presentation today!", why not try shouting "Hey Alex, you deserve an orgy for the way you presented that PowerPoint!" across the office? You'll destroy your reputation and career in one fell swoop, but you'll have that much common with this stolen art asset of a smiling maiden lifted from a Chinese MMO.
If Wartune really did invite people over for a rollicking evening of group sex, it would only allow its participants to remove one item of clothing (socks included, and counted individually) every seventeen hours. Its actual gameplay is about as arousing as looking at a map while someone begs you for money.
Ah, Evony - a modern classic of laughably bad and ineffective advertising. What started as a concerted effort to grab the attention of horny web surfers devolved into something bordering on self-parody, with banner ads that assume breasts, in any form, have the same effect as a hypnotist's swaying watch. If you're the kind of person who excitedly clicks on each and every Evony ad you encounter online, then prepare for a lifetime of disappointment. Things are only going to get worse from here.
Think Farmville is for Facebook casuals, but find yourself itching to click a bunch of static images while you wait for something to happen? Hankering for a SimVillage where it takes a real-world week to erect a new building? Evony is the game for you, person who doesn't exist!
If you find this imagery to be sexy, then you're well on your way to becoming a festishistic serial killer who can only make love to modified mannequins. If you find this imagery funny, you're just an idiot.
Congratulations: you're now the owner of a system with next to zero first-party support! I hope you like playing imported visual novels, JRPGs, cool indies, or remote play, because that's all you'll ever use this handheld for!
This anatomically incorrect comic book woman took a break from her role in a Rob Liefeld comic to stand next to these controllers, so I guess they must be tangentially related! Note the pasted-on Nyko logo on her shirt, carefully manipulated to accentuate the curvature of her breasts and half-raised nipples. Just to clarify, what does all this have to do with third-party controllers, again?
I guess the intent was that, when you see this drawing of a woman, your palms will become so sweaty that you'll be begging for some kind of fan-powered plastic controller to dry them off. Or maybe her dead-eyed stare will somehow remind you that your hands become rainforests whenever you're playing a game (kinda like mine)? Either way, Air Flo controllers are what you game with if you don't want anyone to ever take you seriously.
It's not often that an advertisement will use beastiality as an incentive to purchase a product. Actually, I'm not sure if it's still called beastiality when the animal you're sexually assaulting can breath underwater. And I'll be damned before I look that up on the Internet.
The visual imagery of inseminating a sea bass is only slightly more revolting than the gameplay in this Dreamcast oddity. You'll question if the sex crime you committed against all of creation was worth it when your offspring looks like Ariel's inbred half-cousin, thrice removed.
Hello, ladies! I don't speak Japanese, but your kind eyes and winning smiles are a universal form of communication. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that you're neither featured nor interested in Gallop Racer 2, and judging by your attire, jockeying is not your formal profession. So I'm a little confused as to why you're taking up more space on the page than the gameplay screenshots. Oh well!
If you often buy horse racing games from Japan at retail, then I'm sorry to have offended you with such mockery. But then again, you're not actually reading this right now, are you? You're probably off somewhere betting fake money on fake horses because that's what your life has become. Unless the game in question is , in which case I take it all back.
"There's only one thing more torturous than playing Deathtrap Dungeon. Not playing it." So... were people writhing in agony before Eidos pressed this game to disc? Waterboarding, bamboo shoots under the fingernails, drills drawing ever closer to your eardrum - all of it pales in comparison to this third-person Dark Ages brawler. Which I guess is a good reason to buy it? Maybe?
Ian Livingstone is the author of the Fighting Fantasy series of choose-your-own-adventure books. You know how those tend to devolve into a series of dead-ends, confusing riddles, and fatal pitfalls that you can't see coming? Now picture that with some chunky polygons, and you've got Ian Livingstone's Deathtrap Dungeon in a nutshell. Yep - Livingstone was slapping his name on games before American McGee made it cool for a whole five minutes. But to be fair, at least there's actually a playable dominatrix in this game.
Pop quiz: what's the best way to promote the latest game from a third-rate mascot? If you answered "Show a parody of Janet Jackson's infamous Rolling Stone cover instead of gameplay," then you're a late '90s publicist who got flung into our time to discover that everyone thinks you're dumb as hell. Welcome! This is what's become of that little fad called "the internet". We currently have no way of sending you back to your former reality. Sorry about that.
Now admittedly, Playboy model Marliece Andrada is in Gex 3, relegated to FMV cutscenes that serve as the springboard for Gex's horndog comments. But all of those... ugh... "Miss Adventures" boil down to running and jumping through very loosely themed 3D stages, all while you daydream about playing Super Mario 64 instead. Ah, and before I forget: obligatory Geico joke.
You'd be amazed (or maybe not) at how rarely men take the sexualization spotlight in video game advertising, so Blood is a refreshing outlier. "You're soaking in it," reads the text carefully placed near this fellow's abs/crotch. I was under the impression that I was looking at a fold-out ad in a magazine, rather than soaking in blood, but I guess I stand corrected. I'm also of the belief that this man's nipples could cut through glass.
This ad also has the decency to show actual gameplay to the audience - imagine that! But since this shooter uses a first-person perspective, there's no way to tell that the protagonist, Caleb, is a gritty Wild West gunslinger raised from the dead, not the hunky genderswap of Elizabeth Bathory. False advertising strikes yet again! In any case, you should go play Blood. It's pretty great.
I have no idea what this advertisement is actually for, because all I see when I look at it is a woman's butt. That description text? Those in-game screenshots? They may as well not exist, because they are vying for your attention against impossible odds, much like the paragraph you're currently attempting to read. But besides reducing a real woman with thoughts and feelings to an anonymous rear end, there are some definite problems with this ad. I get that "Take advantage" is a tennis joke, but given the context, it sounds like the inner monologue of a sexual predator. And why is this tennis player holding a boxed game at this exact moment in time? What, is she about to spike it across the net for a highly illegal serve?
It's a tennis game. Tengen made it. I'm not sure what else you want me to say. I guess they do have individually pixelated butts.
Here's a 'pro tip': Don't stick your penis into a Game Gear. This man mistook his Sega-brand handheld for a sex toy, and his flattened, cartridge-shaped wang now serves as a permanent reminder that he was dead wrong. Maybe if this oaf was actually looking down, he would've realized that he was vigorously humping a piece of plastic.
You know, the Game Gear did full-color handheld visuals when the Game Boy didn't. You know what else the Game Boy didn't have? A voracious appetite for six AA batteries every two hours, housed in a system so bulky it could barely be called portable.
I pray to God that this woman safely escaped from the disheveled murder-house belonging to this homicidal, Tetris-obsessed maniac. Looking at this image makes me instinctually want to call the police, not rush to a store and snag a slimmer Game Boy. Advertisements like this one are why we can't have nice things, humanity.
Here's a fun experiment! Tell a joke about that time a riveting game of Tetris took priority over SM roleplaying with your significant other. Now, look around you. Is anyone laughing? No - because you're alone, and with that sense of humor, you always will be.
I think The Lonely Island wrote a song about this exact scenario. Are those mustached twins our heroes? The villains? I honestly have no idea. The woman in the green bikini looks like she's longingly gazing at the place she'd rather be - somewhere, anywhere but here.
Complete with levels that liberally rip off Space Harrier and Contra! Konami made Turtles in Time and Sunset Riders, so it's eternally forgiven for any arcade stinkers. But you won't score any points with the bikini babes by completing this coin-muncher, I'm afraid to say. Looks like you bought that neon-pink-and-yellow wetsuit and white fedora for nothing.
The photographer probably told this model to look like she was having fun. Yet the picture makes it look like she's running away screaming from this lecherous-looking man. And "Gotcha!" is typically what psychos say before a devilish grin flashes across their face, a loud violin chord rings out, and the screen cuts to black. Also, this arcade cabinet is purposely designed to make the controls look like giant pink nipples. Way to go, Atari. Also also, why is the woman transparent? Are they ghosts? This adds a whole new dimension to the terror!
No, this isn't a '70s training simulation for aspiring cryptographers - it's all the hot, steamy in-game action awaiting you in GOTCHA. You play as a ball chasing a plus sign through a shifting maze of random shapes. Because that presentation could be interpreted as literally anything, Atari's advertisers thought it would be best to offer sexual harassment as the prompt for your mind's eye. For this, they shall burn in Hell.
Why do you have to put me on the spot like that, Interlude ad? Yes, I often like to strip down to my unmentionables and lug an 80-pound home computer into my bed. Is that so wrong? I'm no different from any other sane human being: I just want to be loved. Can your product finally offer an escape from my lonely nights and tear-stained pillowcases?
As hilarious demonstrates, Interlude is just a questionnaire of your sexual fantasies, with the end goal being specified instructions for having sex. There's just one problem: by the time you've finished asking your computer about how to best please your lover, they will have already started a meaningful relationship with someone who talks to them instead of filling out sexy surveys.
So there you have it - sex has been used in the attempt to sell games since the '70s, and it doesn't look like things are going to change anytime soon. Big ups to the tumblr, which has loads of retro gaming ads both classic and horrifying. Tell me in the comments which ad you think is the most egregious - and please, refrain from sharing which one got you the most aroused.
And if you're hungry for more light-hearted mockery, check out .
Tags: Dead, Mario, Gain, Thief, Gear, Daly, When, False, Island, With, Jump, Japan, American, Sure, Space, Test, Time, While, Shop, Alice, Mini, McGee, Complete, Super Mario, Bloom, Dungeon, Elizabeth, Facebook, Karl, Because, Bears, Tale, Konami
From:
www.gamesradar.com
| 15 ridiculously NSFW gaming ads (for totally unsexy stuff)
Added: 05.02.2015 23:00 | 53 views | 0 comments
It's a commonly held belief that sex sells, but that's not really true. Sure, sexually charged imagery has a good chance of grabbing people's attention, but just because someone does a double-take on your product, doesn't mean they're going to snatch it up and sprint over to the nearest cash register. Advertisements full of TA might be marginally appropriate when the game in question is all about naked bodies - Leisure Suit Larry, Muscle March, Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball, what have you. But typically, in-your-face objectification in game ads is reserved for titles that are desperate to distract you from their blatant flaws and failures.
You've no doubt seen those Game of War commercials starring Kate Upton, which devote roughly 0.05% of the ad's runtime to the game itself. But this is just the latest in a not-so-proud tradition of games trying to ensnare those who make purchasing decisions with what's in their pants. Strap in for a ride on this libido roller coaster, as we journey back through time to see the most ridiculously sexual game ads that in no way represent what's actually being sold.
I'm fairly certain that, at no point in the entire course of human history, has an actual person earnestly commented that "You deserve an orgy today!" But maybe Wartune is on to something. Instead of complimenting your co-worker in the hall with "Hey Alex, great job on the quarterly earnings presentation today!", why not try shouting "Hey Alex, you deserve an orgy for the way you presented that PowerPoint!" across the office? You'll destroy your reputation and career in one fell swoop, but you'll have that much common with this stolen art asset of a smiling maiden lifted from a Chinese MMO.
If Wartune really did invite people over for a rollicking evening of group sex, it would only allow its participants to remove one item of clothing (socks included, and counted individually) every seventeen hours. Its actual gameplay is about as arousing as looking at a map while someone begs you for money.
Ah, Evony - a modern classic of laughably bad and ineffective advertising. What started as a concerted effort to grab the attention of horny web surfers devolved into something bordering on self-parody, with banner ads that assume breasts, in any form, have the same effect as a hypnotist's swaying watch. If you're the kind of person who excitedly clicks on each and every Evony ad you encounter online, then prepare for a lifetime of disappointment. Things are only going to get worse from here.
Think Farmville is for Facebook casuals, but find yourself itching to click a bunch of static images while you wait for something to happen? Hankering for a SimVillage where it takes a real-world week to erect a new building? Evony is the game for you, person who doesn't exist!
If you find this imagery to be sexy, then you're well on your way to becoming a festishistic serial killer who can only make love to modified mannequins. If you find this imagery funny, you're just an idiot.
Congratulations: you're now the owner of a system with next to zero first-party support! I hope you like playing imported visual novels, JRPGs, cool indies, or remote play, because that's all you'll ever use this handheld for!
This anatomically incorrect comic book woman took a break from her role in a Rob Liefeld comic to stand next to these controllers, so I guess they must be tangentially related! Note the pasted-on Nyko logo on her shirt, carefully manipulated to accentuate the curvature of her breasts and half-raised nipples. Just to clarify, what does all this have to do with third-party controllers, again?
I guess the intent was that, when you see this drawing of a woman, your palms will become so sweaty that you'll be begging for some kind of fan-powered plastic controller to dry them off. Or maybe her dead-eyed stare will somehow remind you that your hands become rainforests whenever you're playing a game (kinda like mine)? Either way, Air Flo controllers are what you game with if you don't want anyone to ever take you seriously.
It's not often that an advertisement will use beastiality as an incentive to purchase a product. Actually, I'm not sure if it's still called beastiality when the animal you're sexually assaulting can breath underwater. And I'll be damned before I look that up on the Internet.
The visual imagery of inseminating a sea bass is only slightly more revolting than the gameplay in this Dreamcast oddity. You'll question if the sex crime you committed against all of creation was worth it when your offspring looks like Ariel's inbred half-cousin, thrice removed.
Hello, ladies! I don't speak Japanese, but your kind eyes and winning smiles are a universal form of communication. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that you're neither featured nor interested in Gallop Racer 2, and judging by your attire, jockeying is not your formal profession. So I'm a little confused as to why you're taking up more space on the page than the gameplay screenshots. Oh well!
If you often purchase horse racing games from Japan at retail, then I'm sorry to have offended you with such mockery. But then again, you're not actually reading this right now, are you? You're probably off somewhere betting fake money on fake horses because that's what your life has become. Unless the game in question is , in which case I take it all back.
"There's only one thing more torturous than playing Deathtrap Dungeon. Not playing it." So... were people writhing in agony before Eidos pressed this game to disc? Waterboarding, bamboo shoots under the fingernails, drills drawing ever closer to your eardrum - all of it pales in comparison to this third-person Dark Ages brawler. Which I guess is a good reason to buy it? Maybe?
Ian Livingstone is the author of the Fighting Fantasy series of choose-your-own-adventure books. You know how those tend to devolve into a series of dead-ends, confusing riddles, and fatal pitfalls that you can't see coming? Now picture that with some chunky polygons, and you've got Ian Livingstone's Deathtrap Dungeon in a nutshell. Yep - Livingstone was slapping his name on games before American McGee made it cool for a whole five minutes. But to be fair, at least there's actually a playable dominatrix in this game.
Pop quiz: what's the best way to promote the latest game from a third-rate mascot? If you answered "Show a parody of Janet Jackson's infamous Rolling Stone cover instead of gameplay," then you're a late '90s publicist who got flung into our time to discover that everyone thinks you're dumb as hell. Welcome! This is what's become of that little fad called "the internet". We currently have no way of sending you back to your former reality. Sorry about that.
Now admittedly, Playboy model Marliece Andrada is in Gex 3, relegated to FMV cutscenes that serve as the springboard for Gex's horndog comments. But all of those... ugh... "Miss Adventures" boil down to running and jumping through very loosely themed 3D stages, all while you daydream about playing Super Mario 64 instead. Ah, and before I forget: obligatory Geico joke.
You'd be amazed (or maybe not) at how rarely men take the sexualization spotlight in video game advertising, so Blood is a refreshing outlier. "You're soaking in it," reads the text carefully placed near this fellow's abs/crotch. I was under the impression that I was looking at a fold-out ad in a magazine, rather than soaking in blood, but I guess I stand corrected. I'm also of the belief that this man's nipples could cut through glass.
The Blood ad also has the decency to show actual gameplay to the audience - imagine that! But since this shooter uses a first-person perspective, there's no way to tell that the protagonist, Caleb, is a gritty Wild West gunslinger raised from the dead, not the hunky genderswap of Elizabeth Bathory. False advertising strikes yet again! In any case, you should go play Blood. It's pretty great.
I have no idea what this advertisement is actually for, because all I see when I look at it is a woman's butt. That description text? Those in-game screenshots? They may as well not exist, because they are vying for your attention against impossible odds (much like the paragraph you're currently reading). But besides reducing a real woman with thoughts and feelings to an anonymous rear end, there are some definite problems with this ad. I get that "Take advantage" is a tennis joke, but given the context, it sounds like the inner monologue of a sexual predator. And why is this tennis player holding a boxed game at this exact moment in time? What, is she about to spike it across the net for a highly illegal serve?
It's a tennis game. Tengen made it. I'm not sure what else you want me to say. I guess they do have individually pixelated butts.
Here's a 'pro tip': Don't stick your penis into a Game Gear. This man mistook his Sega-brand handheld for a sex toy, and his flattened, cartridge-shaped wang now serves as a permanent reminder that he was dead wrong. Maybe if this oaf was actually looking down, he would've realized that he was vigorously humping a piece of plastic.
You know, the Game Gear did full-color handheld visuals when the Game Boy didn't. You know what else the Game Boy didn't have? A voracious appetite for six AA batteries every two hours, housed in a system so bulky it could barely be called portable.
I pray to God that this woman safely escaped from the disheveled murder-house belonging to this homicidal, Tetris-obsessed maniac. Looking at this image makes me instinctually want to call the police, not rush to a store and snag a slimmer Game Boy. Advertisements like this one are why we can't have nice things, humanity.
Here's a fun experiment! Tell a joke about that time a riveting game of Tetris took priority over SM roleplaying with your significant other. Now, look around you. Is anyone laughing? No - because you're alone, and with that sense of humor, you always will be.
I think The Lonely Island wrote a song about this exact scenario. Are those mustached twins our heroes? The villains? I honestly have no idea. The woman in the green bikini looks like she's longingly gazing at the place she'd rather be - somewhere, anywhere but here.
Complete with levels that liberally rip off Space Harrier and Contra! Konami made Turtles in Time and Sunset Riders, so it's eternally forgiven for any arcade stinkers. But you won't score any points with the bikini babes by completing this coin-muncher, I'm afraid to say. Looks like you bought that neon-pink-and-yellow wetsuit and white fedora for nothing.
The photographer probably told this model to look like she was having fun. Yet the picture makes it look like she's running away screaming from this lecherous-looking man. And "Gotcha!" is typically what psychos say before a devilish grin flashes across their face, a loud violin chord rings out, and the screen cuts to black. Also, this arcade cabinet is purposely designed to make the controls look like giant pink nipples. Way to go, Atari. Also also, why is the woman transparent? Are they ghosts? This adds a whole new dimension to the terror!
No, this isn't a '70s training simulation for aspiring cryptographers - it's all the hot, steamy in-game action awaiting you in GOTCHA. You play as a ball chasing a plus sign through a shifting maze of random shapes. Because that presentation could be interpreted as literally anything, Atari's advertisers thought it would be best to offer sexual harassment as the prompt for your mind's eye. For this, they shall burn in Hell.
Why do you have to put me on the spot like that, Interlude ad? Yes, I often like to strip down to my unmentionables and lug an 80-pound home computer into my bed. Is that so wrong? I'm no different from any other sane human being: I just want to be loved. Can your product finally offer an escape from my lonely nights and tear-stained pillowcases?
As hilarious demonstrates, Interlude is just a questionnaire of your sexual fantasies, with the end goal being specified instructions for having sex. There's just one problem: by the time you've finished asking your computer about how to best please your lover, they will have already started a meaningful relationship with someone who talks to them instead of filling out 'sexy' surveys.
So there you have it - sex has been used in the attempt to sell games since the '70s, and it doesn't look like things are going to change anytime soon. Big ups to the tumblr, which has loads of retro gaming ads both classic and horrifying. Tell me in the comments which ad you think is the most egregious - and please, refrain from sharing which one got you the most aroused.
And if you're hungry for more light-hearted mockery, check out .
Tags: Dead, Mario, Gain, Thief, Gear, Daly, When, False, Island, With, Jump, Japan, American, Sure, Space, Test, Time, While, Shop, Alice, Mini, McGee, Complete, Super Mario, Bloom, Dungeon, Elizabeth, Facebook, Karl, Because, Bears, Tale, Konami
From:
www.gamesradar.com
| 15 ridiculously NSFW gaming ads (for totally unsexy stuff)
Added: 05.02.2015 23:00 | 36 views | 0 comments
It's a commonly held belief that sex sells, but that's not really true. Sure, sexually charged imagery has a good chance of grabbing people's attention, but just because someone does a double-take on your product, doesn't mean they're going to snatch it up and sprint over to the nearest cash register. Advertisements full of TA might be marginally appropriate when the game in question is all about naked bodies - Leisure Suit Larry, Muscle March, Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball, what have you. But typically, in-your-face objectification in game ads is reserved for titles that are desperate to distract you from their blatant flaws and failures.
You've no doubt seen those Game of War commercials starring Kate Upton, which devote roughly 0.05% of the ad's runtime to the game itself. But this is just the latest in a not-so-proud tradition of games trying to ensnare those who make purchasing decisions with what's in their pants. Strap in for a ride on this libido roller coaster, as we journey back through time to see the most ridiculously sexual game ads that in no way represent what's actually being sold.
I'm fairly certain that, at no point in the entire course of human history, has an actual person earnestly commented that "You deserve an orgy today!" But maybe Wartune is on to something. Instead of complimenting your co-worker in the hall with "Hey Alex, great job on the quarterly earnings presentation today!", why not try shouting "Hey Alex, you deserve an orgy for the way you presented that PowerPoint!" across the office? You'll destroy your reputation and career in one fell swoop, but you'll have that much common with this stolen art asset of a smiling maiden lifted from a Chinese MMO.
If Wartune really did invite people over for a rollicking evening of group sex, it would only allow its participants to remove one item of clothing (socks included, and counted individually) every seventeen hours. Its actual gameplay is about as arousing as looking at a map while someone begs you for money.
Ah, Evony - a modern classic of laughably bad and ineffective advertising. What started as a concerted effort to grab the attention of horny web surfers devolved into something bordering on self-parody, with banner ads that assume breasts, in any form, have the same effect as a hypnotist's swaying watch. If you're the kind of person who excitedly clicks on each and every Evony ad you encounter online, then prepare for a lifetime of disappointment. Things are only going to get worse from here.
Think Farmville is for Facebook casuals, but find yourself itching to click a bunch of static images while you wait for something to happen? Hankering for a SimVillage where it takes a real-world week to erect a new building? Evony is the game for you, person who doesn't exist!
If you find this imagery to be sexy, then you're well on your way to becoming a festishistic serial killer who can only make love to modified mannequins. If you find this imagery funny, you're just an idiot.
Congratulations: you're now the owner of a system with next to zero first-party support! I hope you like playing imported visual novels, JRPGs, cool indies, or remote play, because that's all you'll ever use this handheld for!
This anatomically incorrect comic book woman took a break from her role in a Rob Liefeld comic to stand next to these controllers, so I guess they must be tangentially related! Note the pasted-on Nyko logo on her shirt, carefully manipulated to accentuate the curvature of her breasts and half-raised nipples. Just to clarify, what does all this have to do with third-party controllers, again?
I guess the intent was that, when you see this drawing of a woman, your palms will become so sweaty that you'll be begging for some kind of fan-powered plastic controller to dry them off. Or maybe her dead-eyed stare will somehow remind you that your hands become rainforests whenever you're playing a game (kinda like mine)? Either way, Air Flo controllers are what you game with if you don't want anyone to ever take you seriously.
It's not often that an advertisement will use beastiality as an incentive to purchase a product. Actually, I'm not sure if it's still called beastiality when the animal you're sexually assaulting can breath underwater. And I'll be damned before I look that up on the Internet.
The visual imagery of inseminating a sea bass is only slightly more revolting than the gameplay in this Dreamcast oddity. You'll question if the sex crime you committed against all of creation was worth it when your offspring looks like Ariel's inbred half-cousin, thrice removed.
Hello, ladies! I don't speak Japanese, but your kind eyes and winning smiles are a universal form of communication. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that you're neither featured nor interested in Gallop Racer 2, and judging by your attire, jockeying is not your formal profession. So I'm a little confused as to why you're taking up more space on the page than the gameplay screenshots. Oh well!
If you often purchase horse racing games from Japan at retail, then I'm sorry to have offended you with such mockery. But then again, you're not actually reading this right now, are you? You're probably off somewhere betting fake money on fake horses because that's what your life has become. Unless the game in question is , in which case I take it all back.
"There's only one thing more torturous than playing Deathtrap Dungeon. Not playing it." So... were people writhing in agony before Eidos pressed this game to disc? Waterboarding, bamboo shoots under the fingernails, drills drawing ever closer to your eardrum - all of it pales in comparison to this third-person Dark Ages brawler. Which I guess is a good reason to buy it? Maybe?
Ian Livingstone is the author of the Fighting Fantasy series of choose-your-own-adventure books. You know how those tend to devolve into a series of dead-ends, confusing riddles, and fatal pitfalls that you can't see coming? Now picture that with some chunky polygons, and you've got Ian Livingstone's Deathtrap Dungeon in a nutshell. Yep - Livingstone was slapping his name on games before American McGee made it cool for a whole five minutes. But to be fair, at least there's actually a playable dominatrix in this game.
Pop quiz: what's the best way to promote the latest game from a third-rate mascot? If you answered "Show a parody of Janet Jackson's infamous Rolling Stone cover instead of gameplay," then you're a late '90s publicist who got flung into our time to discover that everyone thinks you're dumb as hell. Welcome! This is what's become of that little fad called "the internet". We currently have no way of sending you back to your former reality. Sorry about that.
Now admittedly, Playboy model Marliece Andrada is in Gex 3, relegated to FMV cutscenes that serve as the springboard for Gex's horndog comments. But all of those... ugh... "Miss Adventures" boil down to running and jumping through very loosely themed 3D stages, all while you daydream about playing Super Mario 64 instead. Ah, and before I forget: obligatory Geico joke.
You'd be amazed (or maybe not) at how rarely men take the sexualization spotlight in video game advertising, so Blood is a refreshing outlier. "You're soaking in it," reads the text carefully placed near this fellow's abs/crotch. I was under the impression that I was looking at a fold-out ad in a magazine, rather than soaking in blood, but I guess I stand corrected. I'm also of the belief that this man's nipples could cut through glass.
The Blood ad also has the decency to show actual gameplay to the audience - imagine that! But since this shooter uses a first-person perspective, there's no way to tell that the protagonist, Caleb, is a gritty Wild West gunslinger raised from the dead, not the hunky genderswap of Elizabeth Bathory. False advertising strikes yet again! In any case, you should go play Blood. It's pretty great.
I have no idea what this advertisement is actually for, because all I see when I look at it is a woman's butt. That description text? Those in-game screenshots? They may as well not exist, because they are vying for your attention against impossible odds (much like the paragraph you're currently reading). But besides reducing a real woman with thoughts and feelings to an anonymous rear end, there are some definite problems with this ad. I get that "Take advantage" is a tennis joke, but given the context, it sounds like the inner monologue of a sexual predator. And why is this tennis player holding a boxed game at this exact moment in time? What, is she about to spike it across the net for a highly illegal serve?
It's a tennis game. Tengen made it. I'm not sure what else you want me to say. I guess they do have individually pixelated butts.
Here's a 'pro tip': Don't stick your penis into a Game Gear. This man mistook his Sega-brand handheld for a sex toy, and his flattened, cartridge-shaped wang now serves as a permanent reminder that he was dead wrong. Maybe if this oaf was actually looking down, he would've realized that he was vigorously humping a piece of plastic.
You know, the Game Gear did full-color handheld visuals when the Game Boy didn't. You know what else the Game Boy didn't have? A voracious appetite for six AA batteries every two hours, housed in a system so bulky it could barely be called portable.
I pray to God that this woman safely escaped from the disheveled murder-house belonging to this homicidal, Tetris-obsessed maniac. Looking at this image makes me instinctually want to call the police, not rush to a store and snag a slimmer Game Boy. Advertisements like this one are why we can't have nice things, humanity.
Here's a fun experiment! Tell a joke about that time a riveting game of Tetris took priority over SM roleplaying with your significant other. Now, look around you. Is anyone laughing? No - because you're alone, and with that sense of humor, you always will be.
I think The Lonely Island wrote a song about this exact scenario. Are those mustached twins our heroes? The villains? I honestly have no idea. The woman in the green bikini looks like she's longingly gazing at the place she'd rather be - somewhere, anywhere but here.
Complete with levels that liberally rip off Space Harrier and Contra! Konami made Turtles in Time and Sunset Riders, so it's eternally forgiven for any arcade stinkers. But you won't score any points with the bikini babes by completing this coin-muncher, I'm afraid to say. Looks like you bought that neon-pink-and-yellow wetsuit and white fedora for nothing.
The photographer probably told this model to look like she was having fun. Yet the picture makes it look like she's running away screaming from this lecherous-looking man. And "Gotcha!" is typically what psychos say before a devilish grin flashes across their face, a loud violin chord rings out, and the screen cuts to black. Also, this arcade cabinet is purposely designed to make the controls look like giant pink nipples. Way to go, Atari. Also also, why is the woman transparent? Are they ghosts? This adds a whole new dimension to the terror!
No, this isn't a '70s training simulation for aspiring cryptographers - it's all the hot, steamy in-game action awaiting you in GOTCHA. You play as a ball chasing a plus sign through a shifting maze of random shapes. Because that presentation could be interpreted as literally anything, Atari's advertisers thought it would be best to offer sexual harassment as the prompt for your mind's eye. For this, they shall burn in Hell.
Why do you have to put me on the spot like that, Interlude ad? Yes, I often like to strip down to my unmentionables and lug an 80-pound home computer into my bed. Is that so wrong? I'm no different from any other sane human being: I just want to be loved. Can your product finally offer an escape from my lonely nights and tear-stained pillowcases?
As hilarious demonstrates, Interlude is just a questionnaire of your sexual fantasies, with the end goal being specified instructions for having sex. There's just one problem: by the time you've finished asking your computer about how to best please your lover, they will have already started a meaningful relationship with someone who talks to them instead of filling out 'sexy' surveys.
So there you have it - sex has been used in the attempt to sell games since the '70s, and it doesn't look like things are going to change anytime soon. Big ups to the tumblr, which has loads of retro gaming ads both classic and horrifying. Tell me in the comments which ad you think is the most egregious - and please, refrain from sharing which one got you the most aroused.
And if you're hungry for more light-hearted mockery, check out .
Tags: Dead, Mario, Gain, Thief, Gear, Daly, When, False, Island, With, Jump, Japan, American, Sure, Space, Test, Time, While, Shop, Alice, Mini, McGee, Complete, Super Mario, Bloom, Dungeon, Elizabeth, Facebook, Karl, Because, Bears, Tale, Konami
From:
www.gamesradar.com
| « Newer articles Older articles »
|
|
|
Copyright © 2008-2024 Game news at Chat Place - all rights reserved
Contact us
|