The Oscars, awarded to the video game movies that REALLY deserve them
Added: 20.02.2015 13:04 | 23 views | 0 comments
The Academy Awards season is a great time, when proles can watch - bleary eyed in your underwear, if you’re a lucky European - as dull but ‘worthy’ films get slap-headed gold lads chucked at them, in lieu of films that people actually find entertaining. Just try and tell me The English Patient wouldn’t have been improved by a Predator.
Anyway, I digress. Main point is, I thought this a good time to shine the spotlight on a cinematic genre that’s always (ALWAYS) ignored by the gong-giver: video game movies. Why are they so consistently overlooked at awards ceremonies? Because they’re largely, well, piss. However, one man’s piss is another man’s Um Bongo, and given that this site is called GamesRadar+, goddamnit, it’s about time we saluted the best this genre has to offer in the Video Game Movie Oscars. You know, before we watch the real show and throw an indignant wobbler on Twitter about the fact that John Wick didn’t get nominated for anything. Idiots.
*cue emotive music, applause, and Jennifer Lawrence wackily falling down some stairs*
Other nominees: Christopher Lambert (Mortal Kombat), Karl Urban (Doom), Sean Bean (Silent Hill), Udo Kier (Lars Von Trier's Katamari)
It was a toss up between the late Raul Julia and Christopher Lambert as Raiden in Mortal Kombat, but as Lambert himself always said in the stellar Highlander 2: The Quickening, 'There Can Be Only One.' Raul is that one. The one who made M. Bison the most charismatic bad guy since Charles Manson ran rings around Geraldo Rivera in that prison interview ages ago. Julia gave Street Fighter's despotic beefcake a narcissistic edge, with a penchant for Boris Vallejo-esque artwork featuring himself riding tigers and fighting. For him, it was only Tuesday, but the day I first saw his performance was most important day of my life. I'd buy that for a Bison dollar.
Other nominees: Rosamund Pike (Doom), Kylie Minogue (Street Fighter), Kristana Loken (Bloodrayne), Kate Winslet (Lars Von Trier’s Quake)
Milla Jovovich in interviews is a vivacious, endlessly charismatic and entertaining person who’d be bloody wonderful to have at a party. It’s to her credit as an actress that we have no idea about this side of her in Resident Evil movies, as her character Alice could turn milk sour just by pouting at it. Not one smile threatens to put a dent in her expertly held frown throughout the series, unless you watch the cock ups on the DVD extras menu. We’ve spent five films now with the frumpy zombie killer, and we still know absolutely nothing about her. She’s good at kicking people though, so that’s worthy of a Voscar.
Other nominees: Eeeeer… No, seriously, eeeeeh... Also, Lars Von Trier’s Bubsy
Of all the video game movies, Hitman is genuinely the one that has some actual appeal to those who aren’t blighted by our disgusting hobby. In fact there is irrefutable evidence for this, as my mum and dad watched it one night on TV and said it was, and I quote, ‘quite good.’ That’s a box quote right there. They’re not wrong either. The Hitman film (despite idiots moaning about the brilliant Timothy Olyphant playing 47) turned out to be a really fun, pleasantly violent and stylish action caper with some really well done set pieces. Bore little resemblance to the games, like, but it was alright. If Luc Besson had directed, and Jason Statham starred in it, people would be falling over themselves to call it a misunderstood classic. Probably.
Other nominees: Doom, Super Mario Bros., Lars Von Trier’s Fez
Uwe Boll has been the greatest patron of the video game movie for over a decade, and he constantly pushes boundaries. The movie that pushes the furthest is Postal. Boll has always revelled in winding people up, so his doing an adaptation of the notorious, bad-taste shooter series actually made a great deal of sense. Anyway, because I grew up watching Bottom (for the violence and poo jokes, the existential nihilism subtext came later) and Attitude Era WWF, Postal legitimately killed me in places. If you’re thick skinned and/or have absolutely no empathy or sensitivity, it’s the closest video game movies have to a comedy classic.
Other nominees: Doom, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Alone In The Dark, Silent Hill, Lars Von Trier’s Bishi Bashi Special
‘Why not Silent Hill??!!’ I hear you plebs cry. Well, while Silent Hill (which basically pilfered music from the games) was indeed pleasant on the old lugs, The Mortal Kombat soundtrack is frankly, peerless. The theme tune is just as iconic as John Williams’ opening fanfare for Star Wars. Actually it’s better. You don’t get some lad screaming ‘STAAAAR WAAAARS’ over the Star Wars music like the fella bellowing ‘MORTAAAAAL KOMBAAAAAT’ in Mortal Kombat. Mortal Kombat also has Fear Factory playing during the Johnny Cage/Scorpion Fight. It’s the greatest use of music in a movie since Kenny Loggins in Top Gun.
Other nominees: Doom, Super Mario Bros., Hitman, Lars Von Trier’s God Hand
Think of all the iconic movies you've seen. Think of all the iconic lines uttered by the stars. 'What you got?' 'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.' 'Rosebud.' To this illustrious company, we can now add 'I've seen that tattoo before, on a robot and a woman.' Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, like most of the greats (such as Blade Runner and Freddy Got Fingered) was wildly misunderstood at the time, and it's only now that its dadaist attack on cinematic convention can be truly understood. It's actually a sharp satire of video games writing, where all dialogue is hokey exposition, trite cliche, and borderline offensive stereotype (witness Jax's happy-go-lucky 'Cole from Gears of War' demeanour). At one point Sindel tells her long lost daughter Kitana 'Too bad you will die.' Thankfully, this film's power never will.
Other nominees: Paul W S Anderson, Christophe Gans, Simon West, Lars Von Trier’s Lars Von Trier
There could be no other. Like all the greatest artists, Boll is misunderstood in his own time. A subversive, counter-culture pariah. Reviled, even. In a world of backslapping luvvies, he’s a man not afraid of nuking bridges, let alone burning them. He’s thrown shade at everyone, wound up overly serious gamers something rotten, and frankly, I love him utterly for it. Boll makes the video game movies that the genre deserves, because let’s face it, if The Order: 1886 is new-gen’s most prominent claim of narrative art, then maybe we’re pretty shagged. Boll knows this, he’s not stupid (he’s got a doctorate), and I genuinely hope he gets to direct Metal Gear Solid and Assassin’s Creed one day. He’s our Ed Wood, only he’s better than Ed Wood, as Ed Wood never offered to twat Michael Bay.
So there's my run-down of the games movies and game movie folk who mandatorily deserve tiny shimmering muscle men. But how about you horrible lot? And more you reckon need a bit of recognition? Should we go the whole hog and give Boll a life time achievement award, now that he's not done any game movies for a few years? Let me know in the comments.
And while you're here, check out .
Tags: Sees, Torn, Paul, Evil, Resident Evil, Resident, Mario, Onto, Mask, Star, Gain, Street, Thief, Wake, Gear, When, Video, Michael, With, Creed, Black, Jump, Metal, Metal Gear, Solid, Live, Bolt, Pick, Raider, Last, There, Kids, Alice, Runner, Been, Video Game, Awards, John, Code, High, Rage, Hitman, Gears, European, Star Wars, Super Mario, English, Wolf, Gear Solid, Academy, Karl, Because, Other, Twitter, Mortal, Kombat, Mortal Kombat, Along
From:
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| Free Birthday Theme for PlayStation Vita Now Available
Added: 18.02.2015 13:10 | 11 views | 0 comments
Sony have released a new theme on the European PlayStation Store in acknowledgement of the Vitas upcoming third Birthday.
From:
n4g.com
| Dizzel to Shut Down on April 13th
Added: 17.02.2015 9:10 | 8 views | 0 comments
We never like to hear about games getting shutdown. Its especially unfortunate when they were only in service for a couple months, such was the case with Dizzel. The American and European Publisher were forced to cease support for the title due to the original developer going out of business. Dizzel will officially end its service on April 13th of this year.
From:
n4g.com
| Nintendo Scraps TVii Service for Europe
Added: 16.02.2015 18:30 | 8 views | 0 comments
Nintendo has confirmed that its TVii service for Wii U will not be coming to Europe.
The company released the following statement explaining why gamers in the region won't be getting support for the multimedia app that has already been available in North America and Japan for a couple of years now:
At Nintendo of Europe, we continue to challenge ourselves to develop a range of entertaining experiences for all to enjoy. Due to the extremely complex nature of localising multiple television services across a diverse range of countries with varied licensing systems, regrettably we have taken the decision not to launch the Nintendo TVii service within the European region.
From:
www.gamerevolution.com
| Kirby's Adventure Wii Coming to Wii U This Week via European eShop
Added: 16.02.2015 14:10 | 9 views | 0 comments
Fans of Kirby will be happy to know that one of his best adventures to date - Kirby's Adventure Wii - will be be available on the Wii U eShop.
From:
n4g.com
| This Week in GameTech - Nintendo Releases its New 3DS; Samsung TVs Record Our Conversations
Added: 15.02.2015 16:00 | 7 views | 0 comments
Join us every Sunday as we revisit the best hardware and technology stories from the past seven days. This week, we reviewed the New Nintendo 3DS XL, Nvidia, and Samsung made headlines, and it was revealed that the PC version of Assassin's Creed: Rogue will ship with support for eye tracking.
New Nintendo 3DS XL ReviewNintendo's finally released its latest handhelds in Europe and North America, and while European customers get to pick from both the standard New 3DS and the XL version, North America only gets the larger model for the time being. Check out our review to see why extra inputs and improved 3D support makes these the best versions of the 3DS to date.
Tags: Nintendo, North, America, North America, Europe, Test, Samsung, John, Released, European, Nintendo 3DS, Chevy
From:
www.gamespot.com
| This Week in GameTech - Nintendo Releases its New 3DS; Samsung TVs Record Our Conversations
Added: 15.02.2015 16:00 | 3 views | 0 comments
Join us every Sunday as we revisit the best hardware and technology stories from the past seven days. This week, we reviewed the New Nintendo 3DS XL, Nvidia, and Samsung made headlines, and it was revealed that the PC version of Assassin's Creed: Rogue will ship with support for eye tracking.
New Nintendo 3DS XL ReviewNintendo's finally released its latest handhelds in Europe and North America, and while European customers get to pick from both the standard New 3DS and the XL version, North America only gets the larger model for the time being. Check out our review to see why extra inputs and improved 3D support makes these the best versions of the 3DS to date.
Tags: Nintendo, North, America, North America, Europe, Test, Samsung, John, Released, European, Nintendo 3DS, Chevy
From:
www.gamespot.com
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