2015 will be an important one for gaming. Newer systems like the PS4 and Xbox One will be entering into their prime years, the multiplatform games should finally have a handle on the fresh hardware, and Nintendo and Steam will likely host experiences you can’t find anywhere else. All told, there’s an impressive list of , and this page will list each, one month at a time.

Looking back on January, it’s was admittedly a pretty dry month of releases, but that’s to be expected after the holidays. Still, there was something worthwhile to play at the start of the year - even if the two best games are both remakes. Read on to see both the winner and runner-up for the best game in January.

Grim Fandango is, without a doubt, one of the most unique video games ever made. The quest of an undead travel agent as he attempts to atone for his sins is a love letter to film noir greats like Casablanca and The Maltese Falcon, but it also transcends its influences to be something truly original. And with the Remastered edition, you'll finally get to play this lost classic on your PlayStation 4, complete with (some) updated graphics and a fantastic re-recording of the original score.

Grim Fandango is also one of the most uniquely frustrating games ever made, and the Remastered edition only serves to highlight its many game-ruining bugs. Whether it's glitching out a puzzle, clipping you through a wall, or just flat out crashing, Grim Fandango Remastered actually seems buggier now than it did 17 years ago. Make no mistake: Manny's journey is still definitely one worth revisiting - just remember to save your game. Often.

sounds kinda ridiculous at first - it's literally a remastered HD version of a rebuilt SD version of the original Resident Evil. Turns out the joke's on us, though, because that's all we really needed to enjoy the survival horror staple all over again: the HD Remake gives all the main characters and the Spencer Mansion an enticing facelift but keeps the little quirks that make Resident Evil awesome/a total headache/undeniably unique.

You'll still need to manage eight (at most) inventory slots, and you'll still need to keep your distance from downed zombies - or preferably burn them on the spot. The most major change is the new default control scheme, which makes it handle more like a modern fixed-camera game, but you're free to select the old 'tank' controls if you want. With modern conveniences where it needs them and good old weirdness where it doesn't, Resident Evil HD Remake is a near masterpiece… of unlocking.

Those are the first games that made a mark in 2015, but they won't be the last. Stay tuned to this page to see what will are the best games for every month this year. I'm sure the answers will surprise you.

For formation on 2015's releases, be sure to check out the

It seemed like such a good idea at the time. You saw a trailer for the latest gotta-have-it game, or saw some bad-ass box art at the local game store, and you said to yourself “I'm going to own this thing, no matter what”. So you sell off all your worldly possessions, take your latest acquisition home, fire it up and - wait a minute. This game is garbage. And thanks to most stores' absurdly inflexible return policies, well, you're now out $60 / £45.

It sucks when you drop hard-earned cash on a game that ultimately ends up being a complete waste. Even worse is when you shell out hundreds of dollars for the latest hotness only for the price to get sliced to ribbons literally a day after you buy the damn thing. Don't worry, because we've been there too. Each editor has detailed the most regrettable gaming purchase they've ever made. They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure as heck can pick up a family-sized portion of disappointment.

I have a sketchy history with Nintendo consoles. They're the single, dark source of my gaming buyer's remorse. Despite buying and loving the Gamecube because it played Resident Evil 4 and Wind Waker, my console largely collected dust for a couple of years, before I traded it in against a (much more widely used) Xbox.

I tried to get back into the Ninty spirit with a DS, but despite sinking a few hours into Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin and Phoenix Wright, I ended up ditching it after a year. And my recent 3DS purchase? Even worse. Bought it seven months ago, haven't played it for six. No, I can't explain it. Yes, I realise that I'm probably the only person alive who doesn't find infinite joy in Mario and his pals. I may have a problem…

Back in 1998, Sega Saturn was dying. I had played all of the good games available in the UK, but didn't have my Saturn chipped so I couldn't play import games. So I started looking at 'lower tier' games. And then I did the most stupid thing ever. I traded my copy of Daytona CCE and another game (I think it was Manx TT Superbike)… for this.

As soon as I loaded it up, I realised I'd made a huge mistake. The game was choppy, glitchy, and full of pop-in. Amid the countless ovals, it had one (just one) decent track, Ranch Tower, which my dad and I played in split-screen and did get a lot of fun out of. But if your car flipped in two-player mode, it had no undertray. It was a hollow shell. Dreadful quality, especially compared to the beautiful games I had traded (that the shop refused to give back). To make matters worse, my mum pointed out in rightful indignation that Daytona had been a Christmas present. I was ashamed.

My most regrettable gaming purchase had to be Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex. Up to that point, I was the biggest Crash fan. It was one of the few games on the PlayStation that I could actually play and not become violently ill. I played all of them. I did speed runs. I collected every damn piece of fruit. And I even cheered as Crash did his little pelvic thrust dance. Hell, I even owned the toys made by Resaurus. One of the main reasons I bought the PS2 was to play the latest game in the series

And then I actually played it. Or I at least tried to. All of the magic that the fine folks at Naughty Dog had made was gone and I was heartbroken. No longer did I delight in hanging out with my favorite Bandicoot. No more riding on tigers, sliding on ice, bad guys with huge foreheads, or weirdly sexualized dances to make me giggle. On top of it, the new game mechanics made me sick. I felt so betrayed and still feel the sadness.

Now, I'm sure we've all rented bad games and suffered through them when we were younger. You only have enough cash to rent one new game over the weekend, so you’d better get your money's worth. Plus, there's something uniquely entertaining about the rage a truly awful game induces. But the one time I rented Glover when I was 13 was so disappointing that it taught me an important lesson about the value of a dollar.

The latest issue of Nintendo Power made it seem so interesting, and being an N64 owner with literally nothing else to play, I went down to Blockbuster and spent my weekly allowance on a rental. And wow, it was such a mediocre experience that I literally have no recollection of it other than the fact that it inspired me to be more responsible with my money. Real exciting stuff, I know. I played it for a couple of hours, looked sullenly at the TV screen, and switched off my N64 with a sigh. It felt like my eyes had finally opened up; like I'd just stepped out of the Matrix and into the real world for the first time, knowing that there's no going back.

I remember this dark day of my childhood well. The game: a complete copy of Chrono Trigger. The trade: Captain America and The Avengers (on SNES, just the cartridge) and $40. Rarely a day goes by that I don't kick myself for this MIND-BREAKING, RAGE-INDUCING MISTAKE of a trade. How did it come to this? Well, I'd finished Chrono Trigger several times and knew the game like the back of my hand. At the same time, there was an arcade cabinet for Captain America at my local video store, and I was getting sick of pouring quarters into it.

So I figured, "What the hell, I'll just trade away one of the greatest Japanese role-playing games of all time complete in box with manual and little bonus map inserts for some mediocre beat-'em-up that I played maybe twice before getting bored." Yep. Yuuuup. That's a thing that happened; good job younger Max. Today, a complete copy of Chrono Trigger fetches a pretty penny on eBay, but what really bums me out is that I don't have access to my old save data. It would be fascinating to go back and see what I named all my characters, how long I played, where I stopped, and so on. Such a waste.

It's painful how recently this one happened, but it seems the conditions were just right. As the release of the new Thief game approached in 2014, I started pondering whether or not I should pre-order it. I hadn't played the previous Thief games, but I had seen them in action, and knew that Dishonored (which is among my personal top ten games ever) was heavily inspired by the Thief franchise.

After checking out gameplay footage and mulling it over for a while, I decided I would take the gamble and pre-ordered it the day before release. I really wanted the pre-order bonus mission and also I am an idiot. I was quickly disillusioned with the weird story and lackluster gameplay (which, funny enough, felt like a poor man's Dishonored) and traded it in as soon as I could. I got $20 of my original pre-order back. Ugh. Garrett really is the world's greatest thief.

After a few weeks of hearing how great Halo 4 is, I was convinced that this would be the installment that got me back into the Halo multiplayer fold (having completely ignored online play since Combat Evolved on PC). So I pick up a copy after work one day and excitedly hurry home to play it with some ex-GR staff. Coop, Ryan, and Brian invite me to their Xbox Live party, and within minutes, we're in the thick of combat.

And by God, am I bored. I had forgotten how much I hate vehicular combat in my FPS; while racking up a few kills is always fun, having your spree ended by a shell from a distant Scorpion tank most certainly is not. I don't remember who said it, but someone sheepishly suggested "Do you guys just want to go back to playing Black Ops 2?" We all agreed in unison. Ten minutes later, we were back to picking off UAVs and calling in Killstreaks. That was the first and last time I ever played my copy of Halo 4, and I seriously doubt I'll go back. How about that: 60 bones for one hour of disinterest.

I feel so, so conflicted saying that I regret my Game Boy Advance. Firstly, my mom was the one who actually spent money on it (hey, I was ten at the time). Secondly, I loved so many of the games: WarioWare, Mega Man Battle Network, Metroid Fusion, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (which is how I finally finished one of my favorite games of all time). But wait a minute… I didn't actually finish A Link to the Past on Game Boy Advance. I finished it on Game Boy Advance SP. Just like almost all of my other GBA games.

Much as it pains me to say it, my life would have been better if I'd just waited for GBA SP's gloriously backlit screen to illuminate it. My vision is still OK a decade or so later, but just imagine how much better it would be if I hadn't strained over the original's inscrutable grey mirror for hours. I could probably see for miles!

I hate to kick someone when they’re down, but paying $500 for an Xbox One bundled with Kinect has to be my most regrettable purchase. In 2013, buying it made so much sense. First off, I felt I needed both an Xbox One and a PS4 on launch day as part of my profession. And even though the last thing I ever needed in my life was a Kinect, it was being touted as integral to the console, so I took it in my stride, figuring it’d work great in the coming months. Less than a year later, and Kinect was stripped out of the box and most of its functionality was pushed aside.

You can imagine my frustration. It was a bit like an architect showing me a completed house that looked great, except it was a little more than my budget, and had one room I wasn’t too fond of. Instead of fixing that room, the architect burned it all to the ground and started over after publicly firing half the construction team. He then sold the new house to someone else for a fifth off the asking price. That’s basically the pain of being an early Xbox One owner.

I made the mistake of buying a game called Earth Defense Force 2025. At the time, all I heard were good things about it and it's cooperative gameplay. I was in desperate need of a good co-op game, so I bought it. Never have I been so disappointed by a game in my life. The frame rate chugged so bad I could hardly play it. Everything was delayed and slow. It was like playing a highly demanding PC game on a low-end computer. I found myself helplessly crying out "Noooooooooooo" as if I were running in slow-motion as a giant ant devoured my avatar each time I failed.

Did I mention that there was a co-op mode? Good grief yes! A co-op mode! As if the game wasn't struggling to process all the events happening in single player. Can you imagine it trying to display both players at the same time? It ran even slower and after about two minutes of torture, I turned the game off. Purchase value: $59.99, Trade in Value: $16.00, The look on my face: Priceless.

Think of these stories as one part cautionary tale, one part therapy session. Have you made any purchases that gave you an almost instant feeling of buyer's remorse? Or have you had the rug pulled out from under you with a sudden price drop? Let us know in the comments!

Looking for more? Perhaps you could swing over here and let us know

We all need a vacation sometimes. Whether you go off on a big adventure, visit family back home, or just refuse to leave your apartment for an extended period of time, it's tough to overstate how much a nice, long break can improve your quality of life. Yeah, it may be tough to get back to real life afterwards, but chances are your time off will be apparent in the quality of your work. Unless you really hate your job… in which case, sorry.

That doesn't just apply for people, either. Some of the biggest video game franchises on shelves today (and the year after that and the year after that and the year after that…) could really use a break. I don't mean to be harsh here - it's tough for anyone to keep the creative spark on the same kind of project year in and year out. That's why these franchises deserve to go dark for a bit and come back better than ever.

Resident Evil has always had a kind of kooky backstory, given its endless stream of double crosses and massive corporate/governmental conspiracies. But Resident Evil 6's three (four if you count Ada's sidestory) interjoining campaigns cranked the whole thing up for a sort of narrative judgment day. Clones, amnesia, dead presidents, secret illegitimate children, seemingly endless new varieties of creepy mutant baddies - it was, um, definitely over the top.

That's not necessarily a bad thing - like I said, Resident Evil's always been a bit bonkers. But recently all the twists, turns, and doubling back have gotten a bit tiresome. Frankly, that's one of the reasons I'm looking forward to Resident Evil Revelations 2 - it takes place before Resident Evil 6 and tells its own discrete story with characters we haven't seen much of since the early days of the series. If the franchise itself took a few years off and came back with a reboot, I'd love to see the main cast discover the horror all over again. Minus the clones and dead presidents.

Do you remember back when you could get excited about a game just because it had 'Mario' in the title? Even if you hated tennis or racing games, you knew that no product could bear the plumber's mustachioed visage unless it lived up to Nintendo's stringent standards of accessibility, fun, and challenge (or unless it was a licensed edutainment title like Mario is Missing).

Nowadays, you can be sure that a game with "Mario" in the title… has Mario in it. Also probably Luigi, Peach, and Bowser. You can even be confident that it will be pretty good. But it just doesn't guarantee greatness like it used to. Between Tennis, Golf, Party, Maker, Kart, Olympic Games, New Super Mario Bros., and all the rest, Mario has, like, a Starbucks-level franchising operation going here. And just like Starbucks, that ubiquity can make for mediocrity, even with modern classics like Super Mario 3D World and Mario Kart 8 surfacing with some regularity. It's not too late by any stretch - if Nintendo just reins it in a bit, it could preserve Mario greatness for generations to come.

Did you realize there's been at least one new mainstream Pokemon game every year since 2009? Platinum, Heart Gold/Soul Silver, Black/White, Black/White Version 2, X/Y, and Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire. That's either six or 11 games, depending on whether you count each version as a separate title. Even for a clinically diagnosed Pokemanic, that's a whole lotta Pokemon.

Pokemon's wide world full of monsters to capture, gym leaders to beat, and towns to explore was mindblowing the first time out. And it still has all that! But… it's not really mindblowing any more. I mean, one of the bullet points for Pokemon Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire is that you can put Pikachu in a frilly pink dress. Yes, Pikachu is really cute in a frilly pink dress. But the creators and fans alike deserve a new Pokemon game that takes advantage of the last decade and a half of advancements in technology and game design, rather than just building on the same old fundamentals. The only way that's gonna happen is if Pokemon takes a few years off. Yes, it would be a painful wait, but it would be so worth it.

Remember when Battlefield was the freewheeling, massive-online-antics-encouraging underdog to Call of Duty? It still is! It just doesn't feel that way, because months of online issues have taken their toll on Battlefield 4's reputation. In a better world, the most questionable thing about Battlefield 4 would be the term 'Levolution' as we look back on fond memories of .

Now we're coming up on the cool-looking but poorly timed Battlefield Hardline, which is a game about cops breaking the rules to see that justice is done in a culture that's become painfully aware of its militarized police force. That's not going to need a problematic launch to get people angry. I don't expect EA and DICE to cancel Hardline or anything, but maybe this is fate's way of telling them to just, y'know, slow it down a bit… after you ship Star Wars Battlefront, anyway. God, I need me some Battlefront.

Yeah, yeah, you knew this was coming. But seriously. We've been doing this every year since 2006, when Call of Duty 2 released on PC and as a launch game for Xbox 360. Think about that - ever since the beginning of the last console generation, we've gone no longer than 12 months without a new mainstream Call of Duty. To be fair, it would be kind of a shock to stop now. Kids who were in elementary school when they were inadvisably allowed to play the first game are graduating high school now. And they've never had a holiday season without a new Call of Duty since.

But it just can't last forever. Sales seem to be slowing down, giving Activision's relative quiet on the series' recent performance. That's a shame, given GR+'s review - clearly the series still has a lot of fight left as it enters its golden years. It just needs to slow down a bit, or else it might break its hip.

I could talk about how Sonic's lost his way for years, and how the wounded trust and enthusiasm will only heal if given enough time. But far better than I could.

On the other hand, I have a bit more emotional distance from the blue hedgehog. Given enough time, I think Sonic still could come back. In fact, that's the main problem - he just never has enough time. We've gotten at least one new Sonic game every two years ever since 2001 - going from Adventure Battles to Secret Rings to Werehogs to Colors to Lost Worlds to Booms. The poor little guy has been literally run ragged, and he needs to sit down for a minute and drink some Gatorade. Give him and Sonic Team a few years to get their heads right and they can come back and wow us again.

I've got to give Ubisoft credit for annualizing the seemingly unannualizable. Shooters or sports games have an established pattern for this sort of thing, but getting a yearly production line going for a semi-historical open-world action game complete with huge, intricate cities, and a complex plot? That's pretty impressive. Unfortunately, after the buggy and one-step-forward, one-step-back showing that was Assassin's Creed Unity, it looks like the wheels may be coming off.

Assassin's Creed has become an unlikely flagship franchise for Ubisoft, and I'm worried that its goodwill is burning off. Not just for the company's sake, but moreso because I really like the idea of Assassin's Creed. Running around historical cities and rubbing elbows with/killing their important figures is still really cool. But no matter how many thousands of developers you throw at a good idea, sometimes it just needs a little bit more time to breathe. Don't let Assassin's Creed suffocate, Ubisoft.

But really, this is all coming from a place of love. Somebody just needs to get those franchises a pair of oversized novelty sunglasses and a Mai Tai before they work themselves to death. Of course, they're not the only ones who could use a little time out of the spotlight. What franchises do you think need to take a break? Let me know in the comments!

Want some more truth distilled into Top 7 form? Check out the and the worst ways games insult your intelligence.

If I see one more game that pits you against a horde of zombies, I'm going to scream. And with the way things are going, it'll be less than a week before I've shredded my vocal cords down to tissue-paper thinness with my constant shrieks of anguish. So often, developers seem content to fall back on such a limited subset of cliched enemies - mainly things like zombies, robots, super-soldiers, aliens, or hellspawn. And with so much oversaturation of these popular baddie archetypes, all those demons, extraterrestrials, and undead now feel about as menacing as an elderly Wal-Mart greeter.

It's time we got some more variety, don't you think? Pitting the player against an unfamiliar kind of opposition can be a risk, but when it pays off, the results are memorable at worst and ingenious at best. So whaddya say, game devs: why not give these underused antagonist themes a try? Maybe one day, they'll have been reused so many times that zombies could - miracle of miracles - actually feel fresh again.

Cthulhu may be H.P. Lovecraft's - but that dude had so much more to give in the 'deeply disturbing imagery' department. Take the human-fish hybrids that populate the fictional town of Innsmouth. This breed of bad guy is essentially a two-for-one deal: they start out as increasingly disfigured cultists, eventually degrading into full-on aquatic mutants. How are they created, you ask? Simple: generations of ungodly breeding between mankind and ancient, underwater creatures called Deep Ones!

Something about that transition from physically repulsive villager to bipedal sushi monster makes them so much more terrifying than your average supernatural aberration. Imagine walking in on a disheveled figure huddled in a corner, who spins around as you draw near to reveal bulging, glassy eyes, webbed hands, and gills forming from the oily creases in their neck fat. I'd take that over yet another reanimated, bloody-mouthed corpse any day!

The current gold standard: Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth

Sure, plenty of video game heroes can recount stories of how they single-handedly foiled an alien invasion, or killed the Devil himself in his own lair. But how many can claim that they were attacked by a sentient sign post? Or got jumped by a Scalding Coffee Cup that burned their flesh with psionic fire powers? I imagine that being suddenly assaulted by an everyday object is at once hilarious and terrifying. Wouldn't it just be so silly if a fire hydrant developed the urge to kill you? And can you imagine the pain of a nozzle cap, propelled by a jetstream of high-pressure water, slamming directly into your skull?

If I walked around a game world only to be accosted by random bits of scenery, I'd probably laugh at the absurdity of it all. But if done correctly, that kind of uncertainty could make every environment feel like it's out to get you. Is that gas station pump looking at me funny? Did those paintings just move? And how did that charred, smoking corpse end up next to an ordinary looking electric guitar?

The current gold standard: Earthbound

You've got to be at least a little crazy to don tights and a snazzy mask, oil yourself up, then jump from the tops of tall posts onto another person's body. So what happens when you take that kind of eccentric individual and give them assault rifles and rocket launchers? Fun. Insane, anarchic, highly explosive fun. Luchadores earn their reputations based on showmanship and impressive stunts, so only the finest gun tricks and snazzy trickshots will suffice. Plus, they're always able to tag in a buddy if the fight's not going their way, forcing you to adapt to uneven odds.

If nothing else, the vibrant, eye-catching attire of the average luchadore can add a splash of color to even the dingiest environment. And while making enemies with these masked wrestlers is incredibly hazardous to your health, luchadores are very honorable opponents (provided they're not heels). If you can impress them with your fighting spirit, you just might make an ally out of your adversary.

The current gold standard: Saints Row: The Third

As any introspective shooter fan will tell you, even the noblest of video game heroes can be classified as a mass murderer (yes, I'm talking about you, Nathan Drake). It sometimes makes you wonder if that gun-wielding guard had a family, or those squealing Grunts you just plasma-sliced developed brotherly bonds during their years of basic training. But what if you could slaughter all those virtual villains completely guilt-free? After all, it's much tougher to feel remorseful when the guy you're strangling to death is a murderous psychopath with a flair for the sadistic. He practically had it coming!

Which feels more righteous to you: gunning down a misguided insurgent in a third-world country, or ending the carnage of a convicted killer by taking his life before even more are lost? I'd go with the latter, personally. And if these particularly nasty criminals like to outfit themselves in freakish outfits, so much the better! People who wear bloodstained masks 24/7 or tattoo the word 'KILL' all over their bodies typically don't have much luck in polite society, anyway.

The current gold standard: Manhunt

Fighting against sickness is a concept that's rarely touched on in games, usually reserved for the occasional poison debuff, plushies that are all the rage with hip, science-conscious collectors these days? Why not take some inspiration from those designs and make an entire action game of the microscopic battles that rages in all of our bodies?

Enemy designs could either go full cutesy, like the impish Viruses of Dr. Mario, terrifying and abstract, like the twisted aberrations of The Evil Within, or just true to life (have you seen ?). It certainly makes more sense that there'd be waves upon waves of infectious, replicating germs attacking you, rather than grunts who are all too willing to throw themselves in front of your crosshairs, or zombie hordes that seem to outnumber the pre-outbreak population.

The current gold standard: Dr. Mario

Here's the opposite side of the sickness coin: afflictions that take place not in our organs, but in our minds. Our innermost fears, insecurities, and emotional anguish can be the basis for some truly inspired enemy designs - yet so few games try to tackle the idea of giving physical form to psychological suffering. When the player is given the freedom to make their own associations for what could possibly explain the atrocity that's standing in front of them, the game world feels that much more rich and alive.

When you know that your own mental projections are the basis for all the horrors you encounter, it's a brilliant invitation to deconstruct the character you're playing as. When done right, this type of enemy can tell you so much more about your protagonist than a canned cutscene or audio log ever could. 'Show, don't tell', they always say - and showing the player is so much more disturbing than just another scary, gory monster.

The current gold standard: Silent Hill 2

Trying to turn precious, huggable critters into primary antagonists typically hasn't done so hot in the past - just look at Naughty Bear or Fur Fighters. But robots and cyborg super-soldiers are so passe. Why not follow in the footsteps of Dr. Robotnik and simply combine the two? It's utterly diabolical - take piglets, baby chicks, squirrels, and all manner of adorable animal, then stuff them into the heart of a metal monstrosity to act as a living power source. These so called 'Badniks' create quite the dilemma: would you risk harming the innocent creatures imprisoned in these mechanized terrors? How do you fight the unwilling enemies that you're actively trying to save?

Of course, Sonic games let you off the hook, clearly showing each animal being freed and happily bouncing off the screen whenever you reduce a Badnik to scrap metal. But what if another game didn't make the choice so easy? I don't know if I could bring myself to dismantle a metal-toothed piranha if it meant crushing the baby duckling inside.

The current gold standard: Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Of all the suggestions on this list, this is the one I'm rooting for the hardest. Twisted theme parks and dark carnivals crop up all throughout the gaming kingdom, and evil clowns have some pretty good representation as their requisite enemies. But mascots-turned-psychopaths are so woefully scarce, given how much they have to offer as menacing villains. That blank, unblinking stare; a smile so wide as to be painful; the exaggerated, grimy features of something not quite human but too disheveled to be a cartoon. Somewhere behind that unfeeling foam mask is a tormented, demented individual - but you'd never know it just by looking at them.

Mascots gone mad are disturbing in much the same way as clowns: their unflinchingly happy image is meant to delight children, but to see their true, flawed selves would shatter the illusion. So they buy into the persona of the costume they've now accepted as their new body, suppressing their own hardships and misery as they struggle to remain true to the character. Eventually, something deep within their psyche is going to snap. If that kind of tortured existence doesn't make for a compelling villain, I don't know what will.

The current gold standard: Dead Rising 2

Oh, and there will always be a place in my heart for more virtual, bloodthirsty sharks (like the frightening ones in Depth, pictured above). I'm curious: which enemy types do you think are criminally underused in gaming? Can you think of something so radically unique that no game has ever attempted it before? Give a holler in the comments section below!

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“You'd better hold onto your promises,” sang the Cranberries in 1999, almost certainly referencing the bold claims CD Projekt RED would make 15 years later in the lead up to hugely anticipated RPG . Every game talks the talk these days: open world this, rich narrative that, movie-like graphics the other. But The Witcher 3's different: its open world appears full of stuff you'd actually be interested in, its story continues from a masterful narrative thread woven by The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings. And it's not the worst-looking game out there either, is it?

CD Projekt knows how to do grown-up fantasy. There isn't a bright green tear in the sky above hero Geralt of Rivia signalling an impending doom. There is magic, sure, but the troubles of the land he inhabits are products of political power struggles, of characters with motivations and fears. Which means its much-touted open world is a pretty immersive place. Finally getting hands-on with the game, I became so immersed that I regularly forgot I was supposed to be checking off quests and instead found myriad ways to arse about. These are they.

Remember that unspeakably awful teenage moment when you were watching a movie with your parents and a sex scene came on? I do, because that exact same feeling washes over me as the camera pulls slowly up on Geralt of Rivia having a lovely bath, sans clothes, in the opening scene. And who's that? Oh, it's love interest Yennefer, also starkers, reclining on a chaise lounge. Behind me, I can feel the eyes of several CD Projekt developers. Watching. Judging. Should I be looking appreciatively at the lingering bum shots so as not to cause offence? Or will that make me look like some kind of deviant? What's the protocol here?

The more pertinent question is probably this: does the scene create a sense of intimacy with its principal characters, or is it wafer-thin titillation? Well, the camera gives more attention to Yennefer than Geralt, but you could argue that's a cinematic convention as much as anything. It's probably a bit of both; an assertion of adult tone with a faint whiff of the tacky. Undeterred, I robe up and leave my tent of debauchery for the wider world.

A crash course in Witcher lore: long ago, the gods let magic into the unnamed continent on which the games (and, prior to that, Andrzej Sapkowski's novels) are set. Normality was never quite restored, and unearthly beasts still roam the wilds. Through some form of arcane ritual, beings like your good self are born with magical powers and not-quite-human properties. Ciri is one such, carrying in her some powerful magic that's much coveted by The Wild Hunt, a collective who owe a bit to LOTR's Ringwraiths.

Phew. That goes some way to explaining why Geralt is training young Ciri up with such gusto. She needs top-notch blade skills to defend herself from the Wild Hunt, and the best way to gain those skills is apparently to spar with training dummies on tiny raised platforms beside a cliff while blindfolded. And doing backflips. She appears pretty good at it to the layman's eye, but Geralt isn't happy. He chastises her like only a white-haired, flame-eyed magical mutant can. Before you go phoning Childline though, remember he's doing it to protect her, really. The softie.

I'd try to explain the exact passage of events that lead me to this point, an enormous grizzly bearing down on me (terrible pun intended) amidst the upturned tables and gore of what was once a jolly feast, but I'd be here until the game's out (May 19th, since you ask). The salient facts are these: I was attending a hearty banquet on the norse/celtic flavoured archipelago of Skellige, having my back slapped by enormous men with northern Irish accents and marvelling at genuinely one of the highest detail interior scenes I've ever witnessed in a game – people danced on tables, food and drink spilling everywhere, diffuse lighting effects giving the windows a wondrous glow. I stepped downstairs to talk politics with someone, and then...

Then the bears showed up. Three or four of them. Slaughtered the whole banquet hall in seconds, leaving nothing of the feast or its patrons except what I choose to believe is strawberry jam splattered everywhere. Their mighty bear paws deal huge damage, so I keep my distance, casting the Igni sign to whittle away their health before cleaning up with a silver sword. Great night.

Tell me the very first thing you do in an open world game isn't galloping off to the furthest point from your starting location just to see what happens on the way. Go on. See? We're so in sync. That's my first move, calling upon my horse and attempting to leave the sleepy autumnal village in which the prologue begins behind for some darker, deadlier climes. Since enemies don't scale in The Witcher 3, I've every chance of running into impossibly powerful foes. But hang on – I reach a certain point on the map, not all that fair from said sleepy village, and am unceremoniously teleported back within some invisible confines. Horrors!

'Witcher 3 not open world after all!' I imagine myself typing, and subsequently breaking the internet, before a developer patiently explains that the prologue area is closed off in this way to maintain narrative focus for a bit before you're let loose into the game proper. Placated, I explore within those confines and see a tremendous amount of environmental variation even in that space. Rolling hills. Crop fields. Hamlets build near the river. A foreboding Nilfgaardian fortress. Alright, Witcher 3. You get away with that one.

There's a fine tradition in RPGs of dicking around in bars when you should be saving the world, and The Witcher may just offer the widest array of procrastination. Not only does it strongly hint at the return of bare-knuckle boxing from TW2, but introduces a new pub pastime in the form of a Hearthstone-aping card game.

It doesn't work exactly like Blizzard's time sink, though. Instead you and your opponent are both trying to fill a number of columns with the most attack points using a limited, non-replenishing deck of cards. I'll level with you – I still don't completely understand it, and I spend longer than a monster hunter should losing precious coins to the bar fly who introduced me to it. I almost won once. I think. As with Pazaak from BioWare's KOTOR games, there's a long-term collectible element, so merchants across the land will stock rare and powerful cards with which to bolster your deck. For a price. What's that, mate? Town being pillaged? In a minute, I think I've nearly got a handle on this...

Witcher lore top-up course: humans don't exactly welcome Geralt and his kind with open arms, despite their proclivity for ridding the lands of dangerous critters. As you walk through the open world you're subject to considerable prejudice, sometimes in the form of a comment uttered under someone's breath as you walk past. Sometimes in the form of three stacked dudes waiting outside the pub you've spent all afternoon playing cards in to pulp your mutant ass.

I could take the high road here and run away from them. I could trap them with my Yrden sign and make a break for it while they're slowed. I could even charm them with my Axii magic. But – no. It's my magical abilities they fear and hate me for in the first place. Resorting to those signs will only reinforce that negative stereotype and proliferate my reputation as untrustworthy. Instead, I punch them all in the head until they die, leaving the scene with my pride intact and my moral compass bearing due right. Be the change you want to see.

One thing The Witcher games do better than anybody else – late '90s era Black Isle excluded – is write meaning, purpose, and plausibility into the most inconsequential side quest. Here's the barebones of one such optional mission I pick up: talk to a man, visit a well, look at some blood, fight a boss, talk to the man again. Standard.

But it's the narrative stuffing which separates CD Projekt's work. I'm talking to the man in the first place because I've heard his village can't find a clean water supply since a battle took place upstream from its supplying river and the casualties keep washing down in the current. I've already been to that battlefield, so it makes sense to me. The well used to service the settlement in desperate times, but it's since become haunted. I visit it to discover the remnants of a murder scene from long ago using my Witcher vision (think focus mode), and that gives me hints as to how to make the imminent boss fight easier. Even with the quest wrapped up, there are later dialogue options which let me learn more about the murder when I chat to certain characters. So. Much. Depth.

Very early on in my playthrough it becomes apparent that the surrounding area has a bit of a Griffin problem. My sleuthing instincts are first awoken when one savages a local farmer and his hay cart, flying off with an entire horse between its talons as if it were a mere vole.

However, I'm at the very beginning of the prologue, which means I'm levelled up to the approximate ferocity of Richard Hammond and – stop me if I've mentioned this – enemies don't scale. That Griffin isn't going to play nice just because I choose to take it on at the very start of the game, before exploring any side quests, making any potions or finding any better equipment. I take the only logical course and decide to investigate literally every other quest line first, scything down Dredgers who are terrorising a local farmhouse, banishing a Noonwraith from the haunted well, collecting disgusting bits of magical enemies for local alchemists, and popping back in the pub to see if I can't get my head around that card game. That's the plus side of enemies existing at a fixed level (which is visible on your HUD, an unlikely similarity with Destiny) – you can potter about doing odd jobs, then return to annihilate them later.

Moral ambiguity – the cornerstone of any good RPG yarn worth unfurling. This chap's the very embodiment of that. He's a Nilfgaardian warlord with whom I must pester for details on a certain character's (who I won't name) disappearance, and when I find him he's shaking down a local peasant for a share of his village's grain. “How much grain can you give?” he asks the peasant.

It transpires that some Temerians already raided the village of grain, but the peasant reckons they can give forty bushels, max. “You will give thirty,” says the warlord. So, he's a good guy for letting him off lightly, or a bad guy for extorting them in the first place, or... I don't know. What's important is that he's interesting. “Look at my hands!” he says. “See the calluses? These are not the hands of an excellency but a farmer. So we speak peasant to peasant.” It's characters like him by which an open world RPG lives and dies, they get you to care about your surroundings more than grass density or tree bark fidelity. Which are both top-drawer, incidentally.

It's surprising how familiar The Witcher 3's core mechanics feel to its predecessor, but they also feel expanded and refined where it counts. Combat is subject to plenty of new animations which give Geralt newfound litheness, but its basic principles of dodging, blocking, parrying and spellcasting remain. It's in the open world where the true novelty lies, both for the series and the genre – we simply haven't seen a space this detailed, technically or narratively, before.

Want more Witcher 3 info? Here's a guide to , then.

It's always nice to see a familiar face - something that Netherrealm Studios is keenly aware of judging by the roster. The newest character to be announced for MK's tenth outing is Ermac, the green-eyed bundle of souls who just loves picking fools up and slamming them down (with his mind).

Ermac was revealed on a recent hosted by developer NetherRealm. Based on the footage shown, it seems many of his iconic moves will be making a come back, including his teleportation- and telekinetic-based attacks. And just like the other MKX warriors, Ermac will have three fighting variants to choose from. These variants can either enhance his projectiles, telekinetic attacks, or give Ermac the ability of flight. To find out who else has made the cut, read on to find out who else is in the Mortal Kombat X roster before its release this April.

These guys and gals will definitely be in Mortal Kombat X.

This red-clad ninja might not be as iconic as Sub-Zero or Scorpion, but it's hard not to love Ermac for his ability to lift up opponents and slam them into the ground with nothing more than the power of his mind. Rather than fighting as an individual like the other Kombatants, Ermac is actually an amalgamation of lost souls channeled into one host body, which explains all his supernatural, Sith-like powers of telekinesis and powerful blasts of green energy.

Reptile has always lived in the shadow of the other Mortal Kombat fighters, but he recently got his very own trailer for Mortal Kombat X. Originally a hybrid of Sub-Zero and Scorpion’s fighting styles, Reptile can vomit acid, camouflage himself, and fire a green energy ball - all of which he demonstrated in the trailer. He also has a pretty nasty throw involving his long, prehensile tongue, something he never used enough in older games. It remains to be seen what Reptile's three variant styles will be, but we'll be sure to add that information here when it becomes available.

Kitana is the Princess of Edenia, and - despite her appearance - is 10,000 years old. She was at first loyal to her stepfather, Shao Kahn, but later made an enemy of him upon leaving Edenia. Kitana also holds something of a romance with Liu Kang, even after his murder. She attacks using her steel fans, slicing foes by throwing them across the stage. She’s just as deadly without them too, opting for sharp punches and flying kicks when her fans are at rest.

Liu Kang's maybe-cousin is best known for his giant razor-rimmed hat, which he can toss around like a boomerang or use to bisect his foes (preferably from the groin up). In Mortal Kombat X, it looks like he'll be grated even more space control thanks to his sharp-rimmed headgear. Kung Lao also fights on the side of good, preferring pacifism to aggression - though you'd never know it from watching him in action. Like Liu Kang, Kung Lao is trained in the ways of Shaolin and hails from the White Lotus Society.

You might remember this stark-white, Kratos-looking sorcerer from such games as Mortal Kombat 4 and Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero, but he actually originated in the Defenders of the Realm animated series. Being a master of the dark arts, Quan Chi's three movesets show off his necromancy powers in full effect. There's Warlock, which opens up portals for extra avenues of attack, Summoner, where Quan Chi calls a freakin' Netherrealm Bat to fight as his side, and Sorcerer, which allows space control through buff/debuff fields.

Hmm, something about this young lady that feels oddly familiar... Yes, Cassie Cage appears to be the daughter of Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade, two of the few survivors of the last Mortal Kombat. And Cassie plays like a combination of those two veterans, with Sonya's agility and propensity for firearms mixed in Johnny Cage's pompous swagger. She also inherited Johnny's love of hitting people in the groin, as she is equipped with multiple hits below the belt. In fact, her X-Ray Move involving ruptured testicles might be the queasiest attack in the game.

Raiden's back, baby! If you didn't know, this almighty God of Thunder is responsible for keeping all of Earthrealm safe from the forces of evil. He acts as a guiding light for the other Kombatants who wish to see Shao Kahn dethroned, sometimes stepping into the ring against lesser mortals to get the job done. As a god, Raiden controls the powers of electricity, able to teleport, fly short distances, and set up lightning traps around the stage. In MKX, he might have the most grisly Fatality yet: charging his dazed enemy with such a surge of energy that their eyes pop out of their heads, electric-chair style.

This character’s surname would suggest a relationship to Shao Kahn, and Kotal certainly fights with an intensity similar to Shao’s. Though Kotal is much more reminiscent of an Aztec god, particularly with his enjoyment of bloodletting and devouring hearts. Several of Kotal’s moves involves drinking blood for power, whether his own or his enemy’s. His love of gore is at its height during his Fatality, as he cuts out his opponent’s heart in a ceremonial style, then pours the blood all over his face. To each their own, huh?

If Scorpion were to write a memoir, it'd probably be titled "To Hell and Back Again." That's because this yellow-clad ninja was murdered by Sub-Zero, banishing Scorpion to the Netherrealm (the MK universe's equivalent to Hades) where he became a vengeful specter. Think of Scorpion as the archetypal anti-hero; he's not outright evil, but he has no qualms with killing anyone who gets in his way.

Who here saw Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and wished that the Master Blaster character was in a fighting game? Because that pretty much sums up Ferra and Torr, two characters that play as one. Torr is the massive bruiser that can steamroll right over you, while Ferra will often dive into the fray with some quick, precise stabs. They’re a really fun combo, but what brought this pair together? Hopefully we’ll find out everything in the story mode. Oh, and don't worry: Ferra isn't a child, just a really, really tiny woman.

Of all the new characters, D’Vorah might be the one most at home in Netherrealm’s previous game, Injustice. This fierce woman is an odd human/insect hybrid that can command hordes of wasps and larva to do her bidding. And under that cloak of hers are sets of wings and devastating pincers used to stab kombatants in their most vulnerable places. But where does she hale from? Could she be the leader of some previously unseen insect kingdom in Outworld?

The yin to Scorpion's yang, Sub-Zero is a skilled assassin who hails from the Lin Kuei clan of ninjas. Sub-Zero is actually the persona of two different warriors: Bi-Han, who is killed by Scorpion in the first Mortal Kombat tournament, and his younger brother Kuai Liang, who took up the Sub-Zero mantle and swore vengeance on Scorpion. Sub-Zero wields the power of ice, able to freeze his opponents solid or create patches of frost at will.

These characters are likely to be included in MKX's roster, but there's no official word from NetherRealm Studios as of yet.

Here's the everyman hero of MK--an incorruptible warrior with the power to shoot fireballs from his hands and kick through the air as if gravity doesn't exist. Sound like any other fighting game frontman you've heard of? Liu Kang is a little like the Shaolin version of Goku, in that he's saved his world countless times and come back from the dead even more frequently. The evil sorcerer Shang Tsung is Liu Kang's primary adversary.

When you die after a life of cold-blooded assassinations, do you rest in peace? No--you come back as a shadowy phantom eager to do even more killing. Noob Saibot is actually the reincarnation of the original Sub-Zero, his soul now fully corrupted after decades of torment in the Netherrealm. His Ghost Ball attack can totally disable the opponent's attacks, and he's just as adept at teleporting strikes as Scorpion. And for you trivia fans out there, yes, his name is backwards reference to MK's co-creators Ed Boon and John Tobias.

Originally a clone of Kitana, Mileena holds a grudge against her blue-clothed counterpart. Created by Shang Tsung, she wants nothing more than to rid the realm of Edenia of its princess. She hides a hideous mouth of fangs under her facial garb, which she uses to tear the flesh from her enemies after leaping onto their necks. Other attacks include teleporting kicks and a tuck-and-roll.

Given that Mortal Kombat X will be coming to new-gen, this is an incredible opportunity to show off the power of PS4 and Xbox One with this obese drunkard. His belly-jiggling physics could be more disturbing than ever, and upgraded particle effects would let you actually see the chunks of last night's dinner in Bo Rai Cho's projectile vomit attack. Not to mention...OK, in all seriousness, we hope to never see this oaf in another Mortal Kombat game again.

Those are the fighters we hope make it into Mortal Kombat X--and in the coming months, we're sure to find out more about the game's roster. Do you have any favorites you want to see in MKX? Tell us about it in the comments below!

And if you're looking for more, check out the full .

Pokken Tournament, which has so far only been announced for Japanese arcades, is a Pokemon-only fighting game from the house of Tekken, Gundam Extreme Vs., and all those Naruto fighters. Similar to those games, Pokken is a 3D fighter, combining close-range melee combat, projectiles, and what appears to be some character customization as well.

So far, only a handful of characters (and videos) have been released, but even from those small snippets there is still a lot to be unpacked. Obviously, the most exciting inclusions are the characters, six of which have been shown thus far. If you want to find out who they are, read on and find out who's in Pokken Tournament. I've also included a few suggestions of my own who I think would make interesting additions to the roster.

It should come as no surprise that fan-favorite Lucario, the aura Pokemon, has been announced as one of the first Pokemon to join the Pokken lineup. Having already been featured in the Super Smash Bros. series, Lucario can be seen using some of the same attacks in the footage released thus far - including its iconic aura sphere projectile. Lucario's mega evolution has also been shown.

Machamp doesn't have the wide-spread of love of Lucario or Pikachu, but as one of the original fighting-type Pokemon, it deserves a slot on the roster. Personally, I believe Machamp's inclusion was largely because the developers wanted an attack that looks like , which it totally has. Machamp also has a spinning lariat similar to Zangief's from the Street Fighter series, however it does not appear to have any projectile attacks.

While images of Blaziken in Pokken have been floating around the internet, there does not appear to by an footage of its fighting style just yet. However, one could speculate that, given the stance Blaziken takes after its mega evolution, this Pokemon could easily be fitted with a Muay Thai fighting style. Plus, developer Namco Bandai has experience in this field with its Tekken series, specifically the fighter Bruce Irvin.

Suicune, the first legendary shown in Pokken, is a long-range, projectile heavy fighter. In one especially devastating match again Machamp, Suicune successfuly keeps the close-range brawler at bay by filling the screen with all manner of energy beams and shockwave attacks. And while it does appear to have some melee attacks involving its two, rippon-esque tails, these attacks appear to be more of a last resort.

Similar to Suicune, Gardevoir is also a long-range fighter who relies primarily on projectile attacks. And of the Pokemon shown thus far, Gardevoir is the only one labeled in-game as a 'technique' fighter (the others being either 'power' or 'standard' fighters). This would imply it's one of the more difficult Pokemon to use. Based on the footage shown so far, Gardevoir's go-to attack is an air projectile that splits into several different homing missiles.

It just wouldn't (and likely couldn't) be a Pokemon game without Pikachu. Fresh off its latest stint in the Super Smash Bros. circuit, Pikachu now finds itself facing down a new roster of challengers in Pokken. Its fighting style combines several long-range, lighting-based projectiles with some high-speed dash attacks to help it zip around the arena. No word yet, however, on whether or not all those cosplay options will be available.

So far, the Pokken roster has been comprised of (mostly) bipedal, humanoid Pokemon. Here are some potential Pokken candidates who would break that mold while offering interesting fighting styles for players.

Ditto would force mirror matches, meaning it would transform itself into whatever Pokemon your opponent is playing. In addition, I think it's safe to assume Pokken will have some sort of character customization, be it custom attacks, custom stats, a leveling system, or all three. Ditto could copy those under-the-hood changes as well, and let players test-drive custom characters from other players. This could provide valuable insight into new strategies and tactics player may not have thought of on their own.

Vespidquen would be an interesting inclusion because of its ability to command lesser swarms of Combees. In the Pokemon games, it can command her minions to either protect it, attack its enemies, or even heal it. This would be a fun mechanic to play with in a fighting game, giving Vespidquen three different 'modes' to switch between (attack, defend, heal). The Combees could provide a simple, passive buff (+10% attack in attack mode) or be controlled independently of the queen as a secondary character.

You want to talk creative challenges? Try making Arbok into a fighting game character. It's got no arms and legs, only a creepy snake body and a creepier Cobra-like face. Even so, I think there's still some fun to be had in designing its slinking, slithering movements. Arbok could coil around its opponents and spit up acidic projectiles from afar. And don't forget about those deadly fangs. And thanks to the TV series, Arbok is one of the more recognizable Pokemon, especially in the under-appreciated Poison-type category.

There aren't a lot of great candidates when it comes to Flying-type Pokemon. Swellow? Braviary? Talonflame? Actually, Talonflame would be pretty sweet, but not as sweet as the mack daddy of them all, Ho-oh. I'd put Ho-oh right up there with Suicune as one of the more majestic-looking legendaries, and the fact that it's a flier gives Ho-oh an interesting way to move around the battlefield. Couple that with the fire typing, and this Pokemon has a very aggressive pool of attacks to choose from in a fight.

In the Pokemon games, Aegislash can switch between can switch between offensive and defensive stances. This mechanic would obviously translate easily into the realm of fighting games. In its attack stance, Aegislash would be a quick and nimble brawler that's in your face all the time. When it switches to its defensive stance, Aegislash then becomes a distance fighter who fires projectiles from its shield. Two stances, two fighting styles, one interesting Pokemon to play.

Starmie basically looks like a giant throwing star, so its transition into the realm of fighting games should be an easy one. It would spin and bounce and basically zip all over the place, all while damaging opponents on contact. This could be complemented with some tricky psionic attacks that could disrupt your opponent and open it up to another spiky barrage.

Alright, that's enough character speculation out of me. What do you all think? Who would you like to see join the Pokken lineup? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below, and keep an eye on this page for all the latest Pokken character announcements.

Video game characters can live through just about anything. Actually, what I mean to say is that video game characters can die through just about anything, but they'll always come back. Doesn't matter if they're shot up, torn to pieces, or even plummet into a bottomless pit, they'll reappear within seconds to take another crack at their objective. There's one important caveat, though: they still die sometimes, usually when it's the end of a trilogy (or it's time for a reboot).

So the only conclusion I can draw here is that video game characters will only die under very specific circumstances. These almost never come up throughout the course of a game, so naturally they almost never die. What exactly are these fatal circumstances for your favorite characters? Well, I'm glad you asked, because I happen to have assembled a slide deck for just this occasion...

This one's obvious. Just because Snake's managed to outlast some half-dozen armed uprisings, a gaggle of super-powerful military robots, and a virus that was genetically engineered to kill his clone doesn't mean he can sneak by the third-leading cause of death in the world. That's right, the legendary soldier will be felled by . Why not lung cancer? I'm thinking all those nanomachines in his blood probably know how to seek and destroy malignant tumors, given his frequent exposure to radioactive weaponry. Nope, thanks to his pack-a-day habit, he'll just cough his way into oblivion.

Compare Cloud Strife's outfit in Final Fantasy 7 to his outfit in Advent Children. Go ahead, I'll wait. Did you spot the difference? Aside from dropping that radical bolted shoulder plate, I mean. Yep - no more weightlifting belt. Shinra was smart enough to make a lifting belt part of the standard SOLDIER uniform. After all, if you're going to have your elite paramilitary force swinging around swords that weigh literally hundreds of pounds, you'd better look after their lower backs. But it looks like Cloud got cocky after he struck out on his own. I give it five years before his vertebrae explode like popcorn kernels and he drops dead.

We don't know much about sexually transmitted diseases from before the Renaissance, since medicine wasn't really a big deal back then. So I can't say with certainty which STDs the Spartan warrior Kratos would be most likely to contract thousands of years ago. I'll go with the safe answer and postulate all of those available at the time. Kratos can't go half an hour without ending up in bed with a handful of comely ladies, and I have no reason to assume that his many lovers are any more selective about their partners than he is. So assuming Kratos survives his perpetually uncertain fate, he'll still drop dead of the ancient Grecian equivalent of syphilis.... after his junk shrivels up and falls off.

Despite saving both Hyrule and Termina, no one else would ever sing of Link's most heroic exploits. That's the problem with grand quests to set timelines back in order - if you do your job right, you're the only one who knows you did it. So Link wanders around feeling unfulfilled. As he gets older, he takes to picking fights in taverns to prove his skill in combat. Forgetful from drinking, he doesn't remember to stock up on fairies. He loses his last fight to a mean-looking goron and comes back a few hundred years later as the Hero's Shade, where he can at least pass his knowledge on to a new hero in green (and warn him to stay off the booze).

There are so many ways Amanda Ripley can die in Alien Isolation! It's a veritable buffet of fatality. She could be shot to death by a crazed scavenger, kicked to death by an android, or even have her noggin punctured by the alien's inner jaws, to name a few options. But don't worry, because I guarantee you she's going to be A-OK for at least the next forty years. How can I be so sure when I myself haven't actually finished Alien Isolation yet? According to the director's cut of Aliens, Amanda is slated to die of cancer at the age of 66. Duh.

Nothing can kill Max Payne. It's a sentiment that many of his enemies have marveled about at one time or another, but it's not true. Despite his miraculous ability to shrug off the massive bleeding and organ failure endemic to being shot hundreds of times, he still has one big weakness: a crippling addiction to painkillers. And yeah, he's built up so much of a resistance to the drugs over time that his body can handle enough to put down an elephant. But when he starts approaching his golden years, and the usual aches and pains of aging are amplified by ten lifetimes worth of grievous injury, he's guaranteed to go a pill too far.

Whenever one of the Kongs gets taken out, they know they can count on their partner to come along and free them from the next conveniently placed DK Barrel. You can tell this particular scheme was conceived by Donkey Kong. The brutish ape turns barrels into splinters just for kicks - so obviously it wouldn't take too long to escape from one if nobody was around to free him. But what about Diddy Kong, just as an example? Diddy has chimp strength, not gorilla strength. Leave him in a product of fine cooperage for a week or so and, well, at least you already have the coffin sorted.

Nathan Drake is near-indestructible, but he does have a certain weakness for one woman: Elena Fisher. So it's a good thing she's a pinnacle of loyalty, tenacity, and patience, always ready to help him whenever he needs it... which is a lot of the time. But even Elena's saintly patience has to break down some time. As you can see from the existence of Uncharted 4, Drake just can't stay out of the adventuring game, and he just can't stop dragging Elena into it. She knows he'll never actually die on his dangerous adventures. So there's only one way to break the cycle of bullshit: sneak up behind him while he's making breakfast and break his neck. He'd want to go out that way.

You know how sharks will supposedly die if they stop moving? It's not entirely true, since most species can use suction to get oxygen to their gills when they slow down. But Sonic the Hedgehog isn't one of those species - heck, he isn't a shark at all! It's easy enough to diagnose Sonic's breathing difficulties just by looking at his shiny black nose. No nostrils, see? And the way his mouth is stuck in a permanent smirk off to one side of his face means he needs to keep running super-fast to force enough life-giving breath down his misshapen airway. That little foot-tap of his isn't attitude, it's a desperate plea for help.

The Master Chief is unbeatable in a firefight, but it's not all skill on his part. He owes his life to his MJOLNIR powered armor suit, and, more specifically, to its regenerating shield system. It's absorbed enough firepower to scorch a small country (let's say Finland), but it always fwooshes back on after taking a few seconds to recharge. At least, it always does before the batteries run out. Seriously, it's a miracle it hasn't happened already, considering how much power that thing must chew up. One of these days he'll forget to plug it in before he goes to bed, and that'll be the end of John-117.

Jill Valentine's seen some shit. Regular zombies, super-zombies engineered solely to destroy her, creepy parasites in cryo-stasis; she's dealt with them all admirably. Some day she'll get to leave all the battles behind. But they'll never leave her. It's only a matter of time before some poor sleepwalker sets her into a PTSD-induced flashback, only for her to regain lucidity as she's standing over his kerosene-soaked corpse. Her lawyer will try to get her off on an insanity plea, but her reputation as a "Master of Unlocking" will be enough for the prosecution to establish a criminal history. She'll spend the rest of her life wandering around, looking for the right key to open her cell door.

Normally I'd feel bad for revealing all of these heroes' weaknesses, but to be honest, they've encountered so much pain in their action-packed lives that they probably feel downright deprived of the sweet release of death by now. You know of any other surefire ways to make a character croak? Let's hear it in the comments!

Do you thirst for ever more death and destruction? Are you OK? Alright, then why not try the and nine healing items that would totally kill you in real life.

Witchers are born and bred to do one thing: kill all those nasty monsters that are waiting to chew the faces off unsuspecting peasants and disembowel cocky soldiers. The cat-eyed sword masters are basically super-exterminators, and in The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, taking down horrific beasts is good business. As Geralt of Rivia, you'll run into plenty of locals with problems only a witcher can solve, but going out and battling a Gryphon or Noonwraith is no Sunday afternoon cup of tea. You're going to have to put in work if you want to get paid.

I've hunted a few of these scourges in The Witcher 3, and let me tell you, the Witcher series approaches monster hunting like no other game. Hunting and killing a vicious animal or spectral creature is no easy task. There's a process for uncovering the weaknesses of your prey and confronting it in battle. Let me teach you the ways of the hunter, so that when you finally get a chance to jump back into Geralt's boots, you don't accidentally become some hungry creature's next meal.

The first step in getting paid to kill things is finding a person willing to pay you to kill things. When you walk into a town, you can go door to door searching for townsfolk with monster problems, or simply find a job posted on the town's notice board. Once you find your potential customer, it's time to meet them in person.

Mind you, the person asking for help isn't your basic questgiver offering gold and a new item for completing a task. These people have real motivations behind wanting a creature killed. Maybe this thing ate a family member and they want revenge, or the monster could be blocking a family's only source of water. Whatever the case may be, sometimes you can haggle for bigger rewards, depending how desperate they are. But be careful. Push too hard and they won't work with you at all.

Once you have your agreed-upon reward lined up, it's time to start the investigation. Yes, an investigation. Many times your client doesn't know the exact location of the beast or even what it is. They just know that "there's something scary out there." So, as a brave witcher, you need to find out the nature of your quarry, and you'll find many of your first clues from the local populace.

The world is filled with people, and people see things. Eyewitness accounts are your best bet in finding out what you're dealing with. In the case of my hunt for a gryphon, I spoke with a hunter who discovered a group of soldiers the creature had thoroughly gnarled on. He led me to the spot of the beast's bloody feast, which enabled me to continue my search.

Okay, we know there's a gryphon out there, but what type of gryphon is it? Is it male or female? Are there more than one? Why is it killing people now when it was perfectly peaceful before? Each hunt presents lots of different questions, and discovering the answers creates an interesting side story. Some of these answers can be found in the Wild Hunt's version of a crime scene. That squad of soldiers I mentioned earlier? Their brutal deaths left a bunch of clues behind.

Using your witcher senses to scan the area will reveal the events of the attack, trails to follow, and possible monster weaknesses. In the case of the gryphon, I followed the beast's tracks to for find out what it'd been doing before the attack, only to find a dead female gryphon, and a really big, burned down nest. Turns out there's a Royal Wing gryphon on the loose that's royally pissed about people killing his girlfriend and burning his house. Right, now we know exactly what we're fighting. Time to hit the books.

Yes, you're going to have to read in The Witcher 3. There are no tooltips, or compass markers showing you exactly where to get item A to use to kill a monster. You have to figure that out on your own by reading the bestiary. Sometimes Geralt will know the details of well known monsters off the top of his head, adding a bestiary entry into the menus for you to read and get acquainted with. Other times you need to seek outside help.

Books are useful items in The Witcher 3, but you may have to save up to afford them. Local merchants will sell books detailing the monster in question or occasionally, townsfolk will be able to give you a few details that will help you bring down the beast. Think of research as piecing together a boss guide. The books tell you what type of sword oil to rub on your weapons, what bombs the creature is weak against, and what potions will protect you from its abilities. But they also tell you how you should fight your prey. For example, fighting a noonwraith requires you to place a Yrden sign to force it into a physical form and toss a special bomb to stun it, then you're free to slash it with your wraith-oiled silver sword. Try the battle any other way and you're going to have some trouble.

Finding the weaknesses of a monster will often set you on a search for specific bomb and potion recipes, and getting all those details correct will definitely help you kill the beast. But then there are cases in which the creature can't be killed, like say, when you're hunting a noonwraith (because it's already dead). What do you do then?

These quest-specific situations bring additional branches to the questline. In the case of the noonwraith, I had to find an item that the ghost was attached to - a necklace a murdered woman wore at the time of her brutal death and the reason why she decided to hang out in spirit form. This involved searching an old, abandoned town, jumping down a well, and recovering a rotten corpse. Not the most glamorous of jobs, but at least the wraith won't return when I lay her necklace and body to rest (after I kick her ass).

We're almost there. It's nearly time for the final confrontation. But before you jump into the deep end and bring silver sword to flesh, bone, or ectoplasm, there are preparations to be made. Everything comes into play when you're facing a dangerous beast. Before a fight, witchers drink potions to increase their strength and build immunities. I mean, it would make things easier if you were unaffected by the poison a monster spits in your face, right? Potions let you do that.

Once you have your bombs lined up, potions gulped, and swords oiled, there are even more options to use. Traps can give you a huge advantage in battle. You just need to set them up before you summon your prey and the fight begins. Even the time of day can play into a battle. Noonwraiths are called noonwraiths for a reason. They are strongest around lunch time, so it's better to face them at night. Once again, it pays to read that bestiary.

All of our time and effort culminate in this one battle. You've read about its weaknesses, you have the tools to exploit them, and you and Geralt are jacked up Mountain Dew and potions, respectively. Place your lures and the battle is on. Be careful though. You might have the knowledge, but you still need the skills to win the fight.

Even with all of the advantages of the bestiary and preparation, each monster battle is still a challenge. It doesn't take many slashes from a gryphon claw to gut a witcher. Time your attacks carefully, use your sign magic, and don't forget about your traps, and you just might survive.

You killed it! Time to reap the rewards of your long and arduous hunt. Not only do you get a hefty payout for ridding a town of a menace, witchers know how to chop up monsters and make use of their helpful bits. First you get trophies, which make nice decorations and give you a stats boost, then there's all those extra entrails you can use in armor crafting and potions. Mmmm. Delish.

I bet you weren't expecting the side quests in The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt to be so intricate, huh? That's right, monster hunts usually aren't part of the main story! Impressed? Let me know your thoughts about hunting monsters in the Wild Hunt or just in games in general by leaving a comment below.

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We sure seem to be getting a lot of remasters lately, huh? You can't go a week without some old game getting a brand new day in the spotlight on modern hardware. But there are reasons why they're so commonplace. People still want to revisit the classics, and that SNES cartridge just won't fit in a Wii U. And publishers, realizing that blockbuster games are time-consuming and costly endeavors, are reaching into their back catalogs to fill the gaps with inexpensive ports.

It's nice to get a chance to revisit those vintage games we haven't played in years, but many publishers are keen to simply dress up an old game's graphics, toss it on some new hardware, and call it a day. Sometimes, though, a remaster goes above and beyond to become something truly special. Maybe it's been slightly redesigned to adhere to modern game design sensibilities, or it includes additional features to entice returning players, or the overhaul itself is vastly more impressive than a simple reskin job. Whatever the case, these are the remasters that turned out to be more fun than the original game they're based on.

The Metroid Prime series did the impossible - it not only took the two-dimensional exploration the series is known for and expertly applied it to a three-dimensional space, it also made first-person jumping not suck. But if you wanted to play the whole series back-to-back, you had to have a GameCube and a Wii, GameCube controllers and memory cards, Wii Remotes, Nunchucks… It was a mess. Thankfully, Nintendo re-released all three in one Metroid Prime Trilogy package for the Wii (and on Wii U Virtual Console).

These games were instant classics, so Retro Studios could have gotten away with quick port jobs. Instead, it converted every game into full widescreen, and tied all three games together with the achievement/reward unlock system introduced in Metroid Prime 3. But best of all, the first two games in the series can be controlled using the Wii Remote and Nunchuck controllers. This doesn't sound like a big deal, but the Remote's point-and-shoot aiming gives you far more precision than your typical console FPS. Couple that with Metroid Prime's snappy lock-on targeting, and you'll be dancing circles around your enemies in no time.

When the desolate nuke-soaked landscape of Metro 2033 first arrived on PCs and consoles in 2010, it was rough around the edges. Sure, it looked nice (on PC anyway), but it was a bit too unforgiving to new players. Stealth was all but broken, if you didn't properly prepare at the beginning of the game you were boned by the end, and to top it all off, it was just generally kind of buggy. And the console versions were even jankier than the PC version.

Luckily, this uniquely atmospheric game got a new lease on life when 4A Games released the Metro Redux collection, and completely rebuilt Metro 2033 to bring it up to par with the far more playable Metro: Last Light. Not only are the graphics completely rehauled, but several new modes make it easier (like the Spartan mode which turns it into a more conventional first-person shooter) or harder (like Ranger mode, which is the closest anyone will hopefully ever get to life in a frigid Russian wasteland filled with irradiated mutants). Thanks to the update, Metro 2033 gets to be the beautifully desolate survival experience it was always meant to be.

Capcom is certainly no stranger to the world of ports and remakes (see: Street Fighter 2, Mega Man, Darkstalkers…). But when Capcom makes the effort to actually recreate a beloved classic for modern audiences, it doesn't just phone it in. The Resident Evil remake (or REmake, as fans have called it) on GameCube (and subsequent rerelease on new-gen consoles (I told you Capcom does this a lot)) does a lot more to the Spencer Mansion than some simple redecorating.

Sure, you get the higher-resolution backgrounds and nicer looking character models. Capcom also added a few new locations which were cut from the original game, as well as revamped puzzles to keep old players on their toes. Enhanced controls (180-degree turns!), and defensive maneuvers were also added to help give players a slight edge. Why would they need that, exactly? Because zombies can now come back to life as Crimson Heads, even faster and more deadly than before. It was enough to make my friend (who knew the original like the back of his hand) scream "HOLY SHIT THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN" when he got attacked by a Crimson Head for the first time. This is how you remake a classic.

The Bionic Commando reboot may not have gotten the love it deserved <(a href="http://www.gamesradar.com/what-game-did-you-love-everyone-hated/" target="_blank">unless you're one of the true fans). I guess that's what happens when you put your dead wife inside a bionic arm (it's a long, dumb story). Surprisingly, the downloadable Bionic Commando Rearmed took off instead, and its popularity is well deserved.

Rearmed is essentially a gussied-up retelling of the original NES classic, but it's so much more than that. The swinging physics were retooled to be more fluid and natural, bosses were changed to make use of all of your available skills, additional challenge levels and the entire last level are completely new to the game, and you can play through it all with a bud. And no, you still can't jump. That's what the grapple arm is for!

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of the DuckTales game? That's right - it's the joy of hopping around each zany level with Scrooge McDuck's cane like a child given a gallon of Surge. And when Capcom and WayForward brought DuckTales to a new generation of hardware, they made sure to keep that bounce intact. But that's not all they did for DuckTales fans young and old.

They brought back the entire surviving cast of the classic '90s cartoon show, including nonagenarian badass Alan Young to reprise his role as Scrooge. To make things look even more like the TV show, all of the game's 8-bit art was replaced with actual hand-drawn animation. Even the music blended elements of the classic NES game with newly recorded renditions of the songs from the animated series. In short, it's the perfect love letter to fans of DuckTales in every form.

Like a few games on this list, Final Fantasy 4 has been rereleased several times over the years, but its 3D incarnation on the DS (and more recently on PC and mobile devices) is its best, most fully version featured yet. Every cave, town, and moon has been lovingly recreated in 3D, and many of the most important scenes have surprisingly good voice work to accompany them.

With new minigames, sidequests, and additional plot points that weren't included in the original version of the game, the 3D version of Final Fantasy 4 is already packed with reasons to dive back in. But wait - there's more! A New Game Plus option lets you carry your equipment over to a second playthrough, where you can take on some hidden bosses for the first time. Sure, you don't get all the extra epilogue content featured in the After Years, but that stuff was mostly crap anyway.

Wind Waker has benefitted greatly from the value of hindsight. Originally decried by Zelda fans as 'that dumb kiddie cartoon one', now it's (rightly) heralded as one of the best Zelda games ever made. Except for, you know, that one bit near the end. You know, where you have to find all of those maps, pay for them to be translated, then find all of the Triforce pieces? And it takes foreeeeeeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrrr? God, wouldn't it be great if Nintendo would just fix it so it wasn't such a pain in the ass?

Well, as it happens, they totally did in the HD rerelease for Wii U. In addition to removing several steps of that asinine Triforce treasure hunt, there's also a special sail you can pick up at the auction house that speeds up travel times significantly. While it doesn't entirely fix Wind Waker's issues, it's still the best version of an already spectacular game.

What if Metal Gear was even more like one of your Japanese animes? What if it ditched the grainy, blocky polygons of the PlayStation era and adopted the sleeker, smoother curves of Metal Gear Solid 2? Well, your prayers are answered, because The Twin Snakes makes Metal Gear Solid even more bonkers (if you can believe it) and much prettier to look at.

Not only does The Twin Snakes bring with it a much-appreciated improvement in graphical fidelity, it also features many of the same moves and abilities from Metal Gear Solid 2 - including its first-person aiming mode. The Twin Snakes also features some incredibly over-the-top cutscenes, directed by Japanese action flick director Ryuhei Kitamura. Like, 'backflip-onto-a-missile-and-return-fire-with-a-rocket-of-your-own' kind of over-the-top. While the original Metal Gear Solid still remains a classic, The Twin Snakes just feels so much more entertaining.

The first two Monkey Island games are amazing point-and-click adventures, filled to the brim with hilarious pirate jokes, insult sword fighting, and way too many modern conveniences for a game set during the Golden Age of Piracy. But ever since I played the third entry, The Curse of Monkey Island, I always hoped that LucasArts would go back to the old games and stick some new artwork and voice acting on top of them.

Turns out my wish was granted back in 2009, and again in 2010, when LucasArts released the Special Editions of the first two games in the Monkey Island series. The updated graphics are take-'em-or-leave-'em, but you can switch to the old visuals at the push of a button. More importantly, every single line of dialog has been voiced by a stellar cast (including the one and only Dominic Armato as Guybrush Threepwood). You also get a handy hint system for both games and a neat commentary track for Monkey Island 2. The voice acting alone makes these Special Editions leagues better than the original releases. And yes, I know these are two separate releases, but they both got the same level of TLC, so I'm grouping them together. Because I can.

Before you go into full-on rage mode the next time you hear about another imminent re-release, just remember these extra-polished gems. Who knows? Maybe that old game is getting a ton of great stuff to make double-dipping worth it. Do you have a favorite remaster you enjoy more than the original? Or perhaps there's one you'd like to see? Let me know in the comments!

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If you're a series fan, you know exactly what you're in for with 's slate of upcoming DLC. That's not really a bad thing, mind - the heavyweight shooter series knows how to make a map pack sing, with oodles of new score streaks and timed events to keep players guessing. Not to mention the indispensalbe Exo Zombies mode, which furthers CoD's fine tradition of cheesy undead survival... this time, with super-powered exoskeletons.

As per usual, each pack will hit Xbox One and Xbox 360 first, with release on all the other platforms expected about a month later. Each of the four packs is available on its own for $14.99/£11.59 or as part of the $49.99/£34.99 season pass - which includes a few other bonuses such as the Atlas Gorge map and early access to DLC weapons. Click on for more details on each pack as we get them, and make sure to check back in as the season rolls on!

You want more maps? Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare's Havoc DLC has more maps. Four more, to be exact: Core, which sees players fighting over the ruins of a nuclear fusion plant deep in the Gobi desert; Urban, which turns a futuristic Dallas living space into a vertical playground of destruction; Drift, which sets players loose on a wide open ski resort complete with avalanche timed event; or the freaky Sideshow, which takes place in an abandoned, clown-themed hotel with its own rainbow-cannonball firing scorestreak. You'll also get the AE4 directed energy assault rifle and its variant, the AE4 Widowmaker.

Havoc also includes the first episode of the Exo Zombies campaign, which sees four civilian employees of the Atlas corporation struggling to survive against an outbreak among the company's elite soldiers. And yes, it amps up the now-standard camp factor, complete with face-captured performances from John Malkovich, Bill Paxton, Rose McGowan, and Jon Bernthal that will leave you asking "Kevin Spacey who?"

That's all we know about Advanced Warfare's DLC plans so far, but we'll update this article with all the details on Havoc, Ascendance, Supremacy, and Reckoning as we get them. Until then, what are you most looking forward to? Let us know in the comments!

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It's a pretty impressive feat that the one-on-one fighting game, despite theoretically being one of the most constrained genres of the lot, has managed to evolve and expand its scope so consistently throughout the last 30 years. Two characters, a closed arena, and a lot of punching until someone falls over. That's the set-up you have to work within. So it should come as no surprise that in the aim of keeping things fresh within such a tight framework, more than a few developers have gone a bit weird along the way.

Weapons were an obvious step forward, but the novelty of melee would only suffice for a certain period. Hitting someone with a bat is one thing, but how to push it further? What kind of flamboyant fighting gear could crank up the possibilities yet again? And thus you end up with this stuff, which, while undoubtedly looking cool, would be next to useless in a fight. In fact it would be so self-defeating that it would negate the need for a fight.

So DarkStalkers’ Bishomon has this sword, right? It’s a really good sword. Cursed, but good. You see while all other swords, in accordance to the laws of physics, blunt up really quickly when struck hard against metal and bone, this one doesn’t. In fact, repeat impacts actually make it sharper. Best sword ever, right?

Well no. You see logically, it would only be great up to a (pun unintended) point. The thing about a sword that gets endlessly sharper is that in the hands of a regular cleaving fan such as Bishamon, it’s pretty rapidly going to get too sharp. First it’s carving opponents in two, but then it’s lopping Bishamon’s coffee table in half every time he puts it down without immaculate care and attention. A few months later, it’s carving air molecules apart. A little further down the line, it’s inadvertently hacking holes in space-time just by existing. There’s such a thing as being too efficient.

Anchors. They’re big, they’re hard, they’re heavy, and they’re hooked. That should make them the ideal melee weapon. But consider the other, fundamental, inalienable element of an anchor’s nature. It is designed to keep gigantic, metal ships stationary against the relentless force of the tide.

Guilty Gear’s May, as you (pun unintended) may have noted, conforms fully to the Small. Lightweight Female archetype of the fighting game character handbook. That means that she is considerably less heavy and sturdy than a ship. And that means that taking this thing into battle would result only in around a two-foot range of movement and a total inability to hit anything. Less a weapon, more a masochistic free-punch facilitator. Unless, like Street Fighter’s Oro, she’s just so damn hard that she needs a handicap.

No, that’s not a perspective trick up there. And yes, that’s theoretically a gauntlet. A gauntlet the size of a large child. No-one has ever espoused the virtues of small children as effective melee weapons. Particularly not small children strapped to one’s arm. If you swung one hard enough – an Olympic hammer-throwing technique might just work, but you’d need a pretty slow opponent and a pretty skinny child – you might just get one good hit in, but otherwise, children are next to useless in a life-and-death combat scenario. Famously so, in fact.

Tangential, but relevant point about heavy medieval armour: it was a fucker to wear. Wearing a full suit, you’d have been less a prancing, leaping, blade-whirling dervish of death, and possessed a countenance more akin to an arthritic sumo trying to powerlift on a high-gravity planet. With movement barely possible, balance was key to that stuff’s feasibility. Strap it all to one arm, and it will have roughly the same effect on one’s mobility as a light stroke.

On the surface, Axl’s Kusarigama looks like an ideal, medium-to-long range melee weapon. It has a lengthy chain for swinging, a sickle on either end, and on the whole looks just weighty enough to build some nasty momentum while remaining lightweight enough to be viable. Hell, kusarigama are real, historical weapons, so this thing has to get a pass, right?

Well no. You see real kusarigama don’t work like Guilty Gear’s version. Axl’s model subscribes to the video game rule of cool, rather than the traditional wisdom of learned historical quartermasters. Real Kusarigama have only one blade, with a weight at the other end. The weight is actually the bit you swing, and you use it not for direct offence, but to ensnare and tangle your opponent’s weapon before moving in for a stab with the sickle. That’s a system that makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is using the blades as a flail. They’d be much harder to control than a sword, nigh-impossible to land accurately, and let’s face it, having a giant, unruly metal spike sticking out of the side of a weapon’s handle while trying to negotiate an acrobatic street fight is only going to result in accidentally slashed forearms and inconveniently severed tendons. More trouble than it’s worth.

It’s a giant stone pillar.

Enough said.

Cool thing about metallic, robot arms: they’re really good at lifting heavy things and crushing squishy opponents into an even squishier configuration. The theory is great.

Crap thing about metallic, robot arms: unless the surgical techno-boffins who kitted you out with them gave you a reinforced, metal skeleton at the same time, the sheer weight of the things would tear them out of your shoulders the second you stood up. The reality is a flesh-ripping, sinew-snapping, cartilage-twisting, blood-squirting nightmare.

Last Guilty Gear one, I promise. I know we already have a couple on this list, but this one is so ridiculous that I couldn't let it go. You know why keys are shaped the way that they are? It’s so that they’ll fit into keyholes and, when rotated, manipulate the tumblers of the lock in order to free up the mechanism and release the door or lid in question. You’ll note that this simple, everyday function does not have much requirement for weapon balance, manageable weighting, or ergonomic comfort. That’s why keys are not designed for any of that. Thus, they are not designed, in any way, to function particularly well as weapons when ludicrously oversized.

Also, more worrying point, WHO THE HELL NEEDS A DOOR THAT BIG?

Nothing about this is practical. BlazBlue’s fighters are pretty notorious for the ludicrous nature of their weaponry, but this thing is off-the-chart stupid. First up, that amount of solid metal will weigh as much as two rather portly ponies. Just as importantly though, there’s a reason that every melee weapon in history, from katana to baseball bat, has a handle. Swinging anything heavy enough to crack a skull hard enough to crack said skull makes gripping said thing a pretty tough proposition indeed. Doubly so when you take into account the inevitable sweaty hands that come with 60 seconds spent jumping madly around trying not to get beaten unconscious. A perfectly cylindrical piece of smooth metal does to tie in well to that situation.

But more disturbingly, WHO THE HELL NEEDS A NAIL THAT BIG? AND CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SIZE OF THE HAMMER? Why not use that, Bang?

Aaand suddenly you’re engaging in a heated duel using an oversized stick of butter.

Typical SouCal fighter. Always brings butter to a knife fight.

So, those are the most ridiculously unhelpful fighting game weapons I came up with, but surely there are loads more self-defeating implements of battle-nonsense floating around, maiming their users willy-nilly on a nigh-daily basis. If you have any you think should share the spotlight, push them awkwardly onstage by way of the comments section.

And while you're here, why not check out ? If you liked this one, you'll probably like those two, as they're almost exactly the same.

Until humanity devises a way to build the lifelike robot version of a young Haley Joel Osment, artificial intelligence will always be a work in progress. I'm no programmer, so I can't speak to the complexities of making a machine act like a real person, or seemingly take up an agenda of its own. But I do know a thing or two about what makes for a good gameplay experience - which AI behavior can make or break, given the crucial role it plays in believability of the world and enjoyment of the combat. But too often, some form of decidedly less-advanced AI rears its ugly NPC face to ruin everyone's fun with positively inhuman or insane behaviors.

Certain kinds of wonky AI seem to crop up all over the gaming ecosystem, across all kinds of genres and generations. But these nine AI archetypes are so common, you'd think their faulty algorithms would've been worked out by now. Let's take a look at some of the stupidest types of game AI to ever rip us out of any immersion like a [humorous metaphor] [sentence punctuation] [continue to next slide]

They say it's dangerous to go alone - but forcing you to buddy up with a Thickheaded Teammate is more hazardous to your health than solitude ever could be. With their endless parade of flagrant idiocy, you'd think that they were a double agent, set up as part of your squad to sabotage your efforts at every turn. When they're not shooting you in the back of the head, they're stepping in your line of fire. Giving them a health item means they'll either waste it on the most minor wounds imaginable, or completely forget they have it when they're fatally bleeding out. As you watch in disbelief while your Thickheaded Teammate struggles to navigate stairs or bypass an open door, you'll suddenly find yourself testing the game's capacity for friendly fire.

As seen in: Resident Evil 5, Halo: Combat Evolved

It's a wonder that the Helpless Companion can wipe their own butt without your step-by-step assistance. Rescuing someone from a deadly situation isn't supposed to be easy, but the Helpless Companion seems determined to get the both of you killed on account of their ineptitude. Instead of running away from danger, they either sprint towards it with open arms or stand perfectly still, neither of which is super helpful when your success depends on their survival. The Helpless Companion is the type who would run headlong into a burning building - not in an attempt to rescue anyone inside, just out of sheer confusion. Maybe it'd be best if you just 'forgot' to rescue them this time.

As seen in: Ico, Dead Rising

Is it clairvoyance? The ability to calculate every possible outcome and thus see into the future? No! It's just the game bending the rules to its advantage, leaving you hopelessly frustrated in the process. The Blatant Cheater seems to think that neck-and-neck competition is the only thing that makes gaming worthwhile, and if your skills are upsetting that balance, then you deserve to be punished. Their methods are many: conjuring up the exact item that ruins you, reading your button inputs, exploiting limitless resources, and so on. But the end result is always the same: you, the player, questioning what you're doing with your life, because the computer seems to be scornfully orchestrating your every loss.

As seen in: Mario Kart, Mortal Kombat

Give the Tireless Worker a task, and they'll do everything they can to please you. They've got no problem constructing buildings or gathering resources for five days straight, just to see their job through to the end. But once that job's complete, they become utterly useless. Without some kind of constant directive telling them what to do, Tireless Workers are content to simply stand in place until death or a new assignment, whichever comes first. The only outside influence that can jolt them out of an unproductive stupor is getting caught in the line of fire - a hazard that they seem to forget all about after running roughly 20 feet.

As seen in: StarCraft, Command Conquer

Yes, this design is often integral to old-school gameplay, but it's such an existentially terrifying notion that I never want to see it again. The Unthinking Drone lives a tragic, typically brief life, as it cannot deviate from a set of basic directives. If you are to walk forward, then you walk forward - even if that means marching trance-like into a bottomless pit, or staring directly at the gun that's about to blow your brains out. Has the Unthinking Drone's free will been suppressed by Nineteen Eighty-Four-style indoctrination? Or does it internally scream out in an attempt to command its unresponsive body?

As seen in: Super Mario Bros., Mega Man

No matter where you are in the world, a properly functioning compass will always point north. The guns held by Armed Compass soldiers work in much the same way: no matter where you are on the map, their barrels will always be pointed directly at you. If you reveal so much as an errant nose hair from behind cover, the Armed Compass will immediately and continuously unload clip after clip in your direction, no matter the range or visibility. That's about all they're capable of, though. Things like flanking your position, calling for backup, moving away from a live frag grenade at their feet, or backpedaling when you charge at them with a knife in hand are all actions that seem to elude the Armed Compass.

As seen in: Titanfall, Battlefield 3

Sometime in the past decade, developers realized how infuriating it is to get a Game Over just because your Helpless Companion teammate bit the dust. So why not go the other direction and make your plot-centric companion nigh-invincible? The problem is that believability kinda takes a hit when your partner can soak up bullets like a Kevlar-brand ShamWow, or skips daintily in front of enemy's faces without ever getting their attention. You're the hero of this game, so the Superhuman Aide can't move the action forward without you. But given their incredible abilities and borderline immortality, it seems like they're far more deserving of the spotlight than your sorry, Medkit-needing ass.

As seen in: Half-Life 2, The Last of Us

As you go about your day-to-day life, you typically don't see many people standing on chairs, walking into walls, rotating in place, or synchronizing their movements with those of a stranger for no apparent reason. But in the virtual world, such bizarre, inexplicable activities are commonplace, all thanks to Abnormal Citizens. They go about their daily routines like any normal person might, making sure to spout the appropriate lines whenever you walk by and/or threaten their lives. But leave them to their own devices, and you'll quickly realize that the Abnormal Citizen has a very limited grasp on spatial awareness or social norms. Then again, you seem to be the only one who thinks what they're doing is weird - so maybe you're the one with a problem.

As seen in: Assassin's Creed, Fallout

If your comrade enters a room only to be immediately gunned down, our basic instincts for self-preservation tell us that following him is probably a bad idea. But the Slow Learner approaches that same situation a bit differently. Watching as their ally takes a shotgun blast to the skull directly in front of them isn't a sign of impending doom - it's an invitation to step right up, now that it's finally their turn to waltz through the door. It doesn't matter if they have to step over a steadily growing pile of allied corpses. The Slow Learner has to see what all the commotion is about with their own two eyes, before a bullet is inevitably lodged between them.

As seen in: Bulletstorm, GoldenEye 007

What's the most annoying AI archetype you're sick of seeing? Any particularly good stories of allied NPCs driving the both of you off a cliff, or enemies who can't seem to see what's directly in front of them? Share and share alike in the comments below!

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Video games can tell some amazing stories. Their ability to mix audio, video, and interaction together into a single work can really draw participants in and have them connect with the piece on a deep, emotional level. Games can make us laugh, cry, or even give us the ability to create new stories on our own that we can share with others. At their best, they give context to our actions within the game. Those actions then influence the how the story plays out, and the two compliment each other to form one cohesive whole.

For some games, however, the story feels like more of an obligation. Developers figure, 'well, we gotta have some sort of a reason why Shooty McMurderPants is running around shooting stuff and murdering people all day long, so here you go!' Inevitably, this can lead to shortcuts and sloppy storytelling, where your actions in the game feel almost completely disconnected from the plot, creating what critics call "a giant clusterfuck." Here are some of the laziest storytelling cliches for when you feel like just phoning the whole thing in.

This one is a classic, as well as a personal favorite of mine. I don't care if we're talking books, games, or whatever else - if there's a character with amnesia that always equals a good time because it means everything is not as it seems. And let me tell you something, there's nothing better than having everything be not as it seems. Friends can be revealed as enemies. Characters can tap into long-forgotten powers. Secret identities can become not-so-secret identities. Nothing is off the table, all without having to write a word of opening exposition.

Even so, you can have too much of a good thing. A twist doesn't feel like much of a twist when you know the twist is coming - just ask M. Night Shyamalan - and when amnesia is on the table then you KNOW a twist is coming. You never see a character with amnesia that just turns out to be a normal dude, or better yet never recover from the amnesia ever. Imagine that: amnesia with no payoff, now there's a twist.

This is a apex of video game power fantasies. You're the Master Chief. You're the Inquisitor. You're the one the prophecy spoke of. You're better than everyone else. Congratulations! Now get out there and start saving the universe because dammit that's what you were born to do. And everyone else knows it, or will be made to know it in short order.

But does literally the entire universe need to revolve around you? There are plenty of heroics to be found in the everyman as well. It's easy to be brave when you're a genetically enhanced super soldier or blessed with some ancient and mysterious power. If you're just some random person - like you or me - then it's a lot harder. But isn't that struggle against such overwhelming odds part of what makes someone heroic in the first place?

You're a game developer. You've spent months - maybe even years - developing this amazing new world to serve as the backdrop for your game. You've got Word documents coming out your ears detailing the rich history, the triumphs, and the strife of this world and its people. But how are you going to fit all of it into your game? Two words my friend: audio logs. Just fill your world up with old recordings made by some person for some reason, and PRESTO you've got yourself some backstory.

It's just too bad audio logs are so boring. There's no getting around it. No one wants to stop blasting dudes in the face and listen to a dead guy's answering machine for five minutes. I don't care how interesting his messages are. While audio logs (or journal entries or whatever) are efficient at conveying a lot of information, they hardly take advantage of the medium's visual and interactive strengths. Especially if they're the kind that make you REMAIN STATIONARY or SIT IN A MENU to listen to them. They're the most infuriating, and completely miss the point of being an audio log in the first place.

Bad guys just love calling heroes on the phone to tell them how unimpressed they are with the whole situation. Why do they feel the need to do this? Why does Azmodan in Diablo III hop on the demonic Skype every time I kill one of his lieutenants or destroy one of his siege engines just to let me know he really doesn't care that I just killed one of his lieutenants or destroyed one of his siege engines. If you really don't care that much, don't pick up the phone.

Having a bad guy call you up on the phone just to taunt and tease the player doesn't accomplish all that much, other than remind us "oh yeah, that's the bad guy." The nastiest, most memorable, and downright coolest villains are never the ones that spew empty threats at you all day. They're the ones who get shit done. They don't have time to chat because they have an evil plan and they're sticking to it. And when they do finally give you their attention, it's because you royally screwed up said plan. It's because you earned it.

Sometimes it can be hard coming up with a reason for players to actually like, or care about, your hero. Think about, say, Kratos, or Talion from Shadow of Mordor. They're basically dudes who are angry all the time and run around killing people and/or monsters day in and day out. So, why should I care about his person? Because his family is dead. Not only that, they were murdered right in front of his eyes.

It's the perfect motivation, really. You free your hero up from his parental responsibilities while also giving him a reason to want to straight up murder a bunch of dudes in cold blood. It's a win-win. Except now it's been done so much it's become comical. The moment you see a nice, happy-looking family in a video game, you KNOW they're on the way out. Especially the wife. Holy crap, if you're some dude's wife in a video game your part might as well be played by a skull and crossbones because you're living on borrowed time.

Being stranded in hostile territory sucks. It doesn't matter if you're in Silent Hill or Rapture, or that island in Tomb Raider. The result is always the same: everyone wants to kill you. It's really just a convenient excuse for having you murder everything in sight. And because you're in an enclosed environment, there's no need to worry about the ramifications - or even the reasoning - behind your actions. This is a fight for survival, dammit, and you're just doing what needs to be done.

Of course, since everyone and everything is trying to kill you all the time, there's not much room meaningful, non-murder-related interactions. Sometimes you meet a companion or two, and maybe you help one of them escape, but at the end of the day your only real meaningful contribution was putting shotgun shells in the faces of your enemies.

Nothing invalidates your gaming accomplishments more than seeing the villain from the previous game show up unexpectedly in its sequel. All that hard work. All those hours of strategizing and preparation. All of it rings hollow when you see that same villain inexplicitly return from the dead. Plus, since it's the same villain all over again you know how the song and dance plays out. Their personality, weaknesses, and master plan, all the jazz has already been established. Here we go again.

This is really one of the most lazy entries on this list. "Quick, we need a surprise twist that won't take a lot of explanation, nor require us to set up a new character right before the end of the game. Solution: bring the old villain back from the dead!" It's perfect. Players already know the old villain, but who would have suspected they'd see said villain again in this new game? Who needs new ideas when we have all these old ones to fall back on!?

What’s disappointing about this is list is that, at one point or another, every entry was a really cool and original idea. Then everyone started doing it. And it became too mainstream and it started to suck. Now everyone does it and it's basically ruined. Everyone ruins everything. Of course, this list is by no means comprehensive. I'm sure you all can think of even more storytelling cliches everyone has managed to ruin.

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When it comes to meaty DLC packs, the Borderlands series doesn't mess around. The first two games extended the shootin'-and-lootin' action with sizable themed campaigns and even additional classes - and continues this tradition with its substantial post-release content. Wondering what kind of moon-based DLC is on tap, exactly? You've come to the right place.

We'll continue to update this article as we learn more about The Pre-Sequel's numerous add-ons, so keep checking back here if you're fiending for more of Borderlands' trademark gunplay and madcap sense of humor. Until then, click on to see all the Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel DLC currently on offer!

As fierce in the boardroom as she is on safari. Lady Hammerlock brings high-powered business dealing (and sniper rifles) to Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel as its sixth DLC character. She's the sister of the posh and jolly Sir Hammerlock, and the heir/matriarch of the Hammerlock family fortune - and as you may have guessed from her dearth of cybernetic prostheses, she's a bit less danger prone and a lot more deadly.

Hammerlock's stare isn't the only icy thing about her - she can also use her Cold As Ice action skill to throw out an enemy-seeking Frost Diadem Shard, which will move from one to the next as its targets succumb to frostbite/bullets. Her Cold Money skill tree focuses on this angle, ultimately letting her kills add cryo damage to all weapon types (or bonus cryo damage if that's already their shtick). Her Huntress and Contractual Aristocracy skill tree focus on boosting sniping and letting her collect kill bonuses from her co-op partners, respectively. The Lady Hammerlock Pack is available starting January 27 in North America and January 28 in Europe.

Much like Agent Smith of The Matrix fame, Handsome Jack is the kind of guy who's vain enough to make copious copies of himself. And what's the next best thing to actually playing that misguided, unforgettable loudmouth? Why, playing as one of his Doppelgangers, of course! Even better, this class is basically the Inception of Jack body doubles, since even his Doppelganger gets to summon minions made in his own narcissistic image.

Yep - the faux-Jack can create back-up at any time with his Expendable Assets ability, which creates two Digi-Jack holograms that are equally as handsome as you are. The Doppelganger's talent trees let you buff up those Digi-Jacks to Badass status, on just focus on your own firepower and make your Digi-Jacks more like meatshields. Because let's face it - that's totally what the real Handsome Jack would do.

If you've played The Pre-Sequel - likely, since you're reading all about its DLC - then you know about the game's awesome framing device, where Athena is retelling the story of what happened on Elpis. Those lovable Vault Hunters Gaige and Axton showed up late to the party, and now they want to hear Athena recap all over again. But they don't have all day - so they want the abridged, way-more-difficult version.

The Holodome Onslaught is like a greatest-hits of The Pre-Sequel, bringing back tons of memorable bosses (and a few newcomers) for you to fight with amped-up difficulty. The Holodome is essentially an arena, where you'll have to fight off increasingly challenging waves of enemies; a bit like Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot from the first Borderlands. Additionally, this DLC comes with the Ultimate Vault Hunter Upgrade Pack, which bumps up the level cap to 60. More levels, more skill points, baby! While you're here, why not check out a few more screens...

That's all the Pre-Sequel DLC we know about so far, but keep checking back for more as it's announced! And try not to get yourself killed out there.

And if you're looking for more, be sure to read our .

We all have that one game, that misunderstood gem in the back of our collection that's still close to our heart. The same one that, when mentioned to friends (or judgemental coworkers) gets us nothing but eye-rolls and cries of "Wait, you actually LIKE that game?" Yes, we do like it, dammit, and we're proud about it too! It's not our fault the rest of you don't see the genius - or just goofy fun - found in these games.

Nonetheless, we'll give it a shot. Each editor has selected a game he or she feels has been universally panned but still has plenty of entertainment to offer. Dive into this list with an open mind, and you might just find a new favorite for your collection. Just be cautious about who you talk to about this new purchase.

At first blush, Mystical Ninja starring Goemon is a Super Mario 64 clone on a system with far too many Super Mario 64 clones. And if you looked at it as such (like many reviewers at the time did), that's all you saw. The jumping was imprecise, the camera even worse, and the entire game was plagued by an encroaching layer of fog - you know, just like every other Nintendo 64 game out there. But if (like me), that system was all you had, you were likely starving for something, anything (seriously, anything) to play. So, armed with my trusty Nintendo Power, I rented it from Blockbuster and plowed through it. And oh, boy, am I glad I did.

See, Mystical Ninja starring Goemon isn't just a Super Mario 64 clone, it's one of the most surreal, bat-shit bonkers games you're likely to find on the N64. In it, Goemon is trying to stop the Peach Mountain Shoguns from turning feudal Japan into a Westernized theater with a giant laser beam. A laugh track plays over every single bad joke in the game. Many boss fights culminate in a showdown between two screen-sized mechs - oh, but first you're treated to an every single time. Yeah, Mystical Ninja starring Goemon may not be a 'good' game in the traditional sense, but I guarantee that it's unlike everything you've ever played.

Which game do I love that everyone hates? Lollipop Chainsaw. Apparently it's dumb, clunky, poorly-written and all the rest. But I really do like the partnership between Nick and Juliet. There are some fantastic lines in there. The one about being racist towards cows, the one where Nick does a really sarcastic cheerleading chant, and - of course - the timeless classic: "What the dick?"

It sounds awful on paper and it probably is. And it certainly isn't what you would describe as 'classy'. But I really enjoyed playing it. And the 'sparkle hunting' rainbow-spewing multiple beheading chainsaw moments are beautiful. And yes, dammit, now I want to play it again. Yeah, tut all you want. OK, ready for the in-joke about three people will get? "Oh wait, I fucked up. It's Sonic 4: Episode 1." Ithankyaw.

You know when you pick up a delicious cake, stuff it merrily into your mouth, and thoroughly enjoy it, knowing full-well that it’s not exactly a nourishing piece of sustenance but who cares, because it’s cake and that’s sort of entirely the point? Yeah? Thought so. And you know when someone comes along later, sees the crumbs, and says “Oh, cake? You were eating cake? What were you thinking, you idiot, no-one likes cake. It’s well-known by all to be disgusting." No, of course you don’t. Because that would be madness. But that’s exactly what happens every time I mention enjoying Quake 4.

Does it have the bona fide, groundbreaking classic status of Quakes 1, 2 and 3? No. Is it fun? Is it a decent, grimly satisfying, sci-fi horror FPS, with great weapons and some rather cool ideas? Yes it is. Yes it is that all the way. Hell, the nightmare Stroggification sequence is worth the price of admission alone. It was a groundbreaking use of first-person storytelling at the time, and the way the game uses it to overhaul the gameplay - after holding back on Quake’s more kinetic excesses for the first part of the game - is pretty damn smart indeed. My Quake cake. I shall have it, and I shall eat it, and I shall thumb my nose at you, Revisionist Popular Internet Hivemind.

It may seem odd to claim love for a multi-million dollar franchise starter that 'everyone else hated', but this one's all about the timing. While the first Assassin's Creed game was incredibly popular when it first came out, I didn't get into the franchise until after the release of AC2, and by then people were singing a different tune. After Ezio hit the scene, it was agreed among the fanbase that newcomers should skip Altair's tale and save themselves the torture of an endless fetch quest stream and repeating the same mission over and over again. Luckily, I went charging into the first Assassin's Creed before anyone could convince me not to, and it's still one of my favorite in the series.

I won't deny that the gameplay is relatively simple and repetitive, but that's part of what I loved about it: missions were very similar with just enough differences that using what you knew in a new set of circumstances became a fun challenge. Without ten million sidequests to complete, the mission was your primary objective, and every target I took down felt like a big step toward my goal. AC1 also gave me my favorite AC protagonist, Altair, who I've always adored far and above the wildly-loved Ezio. Sure Ezio has swagger, but Altair's very human flaws and his ability to overcome them made him cheer him on through every bit of sarcasm. Plus, this game introduced him to his soon-to-be wife. How can you hate their adorable, snarky love?

Analytically, scientifically, I know that the Mario Party games are random, messy affairs that take far too long to play and can be quite frustrating. I know the pain of losing a hard earned star to an impossible twist of fate, and how very unfair its unbalanced gameplay can feel. I know all this, but if you asked me to play a round of Mario Party with you right now, I'd instantly say yes.

What's wrong with me? Well, I'm a big fan of real life board games, with the friendly (and down right vindictive) spirit of competition taking hold, and the Mario Party series is a fitting venue. I also tend to enjoy the goofy minigames included, and some are way ventive than they’re given credit for. Hate on it all you like, but I’m more than ready to give the amiibo-centric sequel a try. I’d play it long before another round of Monopoly.

I'm a firm believer that as long as you're playing with friends, any game can go from being god-awful to a grand old time. Take Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City, a misguided attempt to adapt Capcom's survival horror franchise into a multiplayer co-op romp in the same infected vein as Left 4 Dead. But instead of exploring tense environments as iconic zombie killers like Jill Valentine or Leon Kennedy, you trudge from one bit of ho-hum cover-shooting to the next with a squad of random Umbrella agents.

And yet, I had the time of my life playing it with a certain Greg H. Every glitch, failed firefight, or instance of idiotic AI incited a laugh riot, and the original characters' banter and bizarre designs (like the ) actually became quite endearing over time. Rather than eliminate the undead with maximum efficiency, we were more focused on who could snag collectible data packets first (Greg always won). If you're looking for dumb RE fun with up to four players in online co-op, then I highly recommend what Greg and I lovingly refer to as "Operation Raccoon Shizzy".

No, I'm not talking about the awesome TMNT arcade game that everyone loves; I'm talking about the red-headbands-on-the-cover, glitchy TMNT side-scroller with the God-forsaken dam level. Yeah, that TMNT game. I love that game. Everything about it is awesome. I mean, in what other TMNT game can you play as any of the Turtles at any time, fight iconic characters like Bebop and Rocksteady, and actually drive around a Turtle Van that shoots cannonballs? Not many, my friends.

Look, if you hate it, that's fine. I'm not going to claim that it's a perfect game. But, if you gave up and never beat the dam level, you're just not a true TMNT fan. You're just not trying very hard. There are way harder levels in other games. The dam is actually pretty easy if you give it more than one shot. Give me the unwieldy controls, instant pit deaths, and randomly respawning enemies. I'll play this game any day.

There was one thing - one crucial thing - developer GRIN had to nail when developing the 2009 reboot of Bionic Commando: the swinging. And they crushed it. I'm talking home run grand slam power bomb boom shaka laka hit this one out of the park (and into low orbit). Zipping between high beams and tree branches in this game is a blast, from the rush of speed you feel as Spencer dips into the arc of his swing, to the way he floats in midair just long enough for you to line up your next shot. You can almost feel the wind whipping through Spencer's oily dreadlocks.

And that's where the problems lie. The dreadlocks. The all-too-serious tone. The wife arm (don't ask). Bionic Commando was not without some controversial design decisions, but they're only skin deep. After three completed playthroughs (and counting), I can assure you the game's swing-and-shoot action soars above its plot, and creates firefights that are far teresting to navigate than the typical, cover-based action of other third-person shooters. The game is a wild ride, the swinging feels easy and exciting, and for crying out loud it's dirt cheap on Amazon. Spend some time with it this weekend.

The games found in this list aren't for everyone, and that's a good thing. Often times, whether you're talking about games or movies or books or any other creative work, your favorites - that ones that really stick with you - aren't going to be the most popular. They're not going to have that mass-market, something-for-everyone appeal. Instead, they're going to focus on something that connects with you specifically, and that's what makes them special. What personal treasures are in your collection? Let us know in the comments below.

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Shigeru Miyamoto once said: "A delayed game is eventually good, a rushed game is forever bad". While he's not wrong, it's still a bummer to see that game you've been waiting forever to play get pushed even further away from your grasp. And when I take a look at the list of games coming out, with their tentative '2015' release dates, I can't help but sigh and think how adorably optimistic everyone seems to be.

Whether the scope is too ambitious, or the developer has a history of delaying games until they're just right, or that particular game has been stuck in development hell for far too long, these are the games of 2015 that we'll likely be playing in 2016 instead. I'll be really excited if all of these games come out this year, but I wouldn't put money on it.

North Americans are lucky we even got Xenoblade Chronicles in the first place (especially considering the game was eventually fully translated and released in Europe), let alone its upcoming Wii U sequel, so I'm going to preface what I'm about to say with my appreciation for Nintendo's willingness to bring niche JRPGs to Western shores. That said, there's no way in hell this game comes out in 2015.

Every single trailer Nintendo shows off for the sprawling mecha-infused RPG seems like it has 2015 slapped on the end of it, as if to say, 'Hey, no, seriously, it's actually coming this year! You can believe us!' And sure, it's currently slated for an April release in Japan, but that didn't prevent the first game from taking years to reach Western audiences. I'm a patient man, and I'll wait with bated breath for the day we get it. But I'll believe it when I see it.

It's fair to say that Hideo Kojima is one of the few true auteurs working on AAA games right now, and as such, he's a bit of a perfectionist. I mean, I can't think of a series other than Metal Gear that allows you to shoot a glass full of ice cubes, then watch those ice cubes melt into puddles on the ground just because. That's the absurd level of detail Kojima is known for, and it usually means we have to wait a little longer to get a chance to play his games.

While the glorified demo Ground Zeroes gave us a taste of what Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain is going to look like on next-gen consoles, it was of what Kojima is planning with the open-world stealth game. That kind of shit takes time. And I wouldn't be surprised if it gets nudged into next year to make sure it's up to Kojima's exacting standards.

Mad Max has travelled a long and storied road. as a collaboration between a new studio helmed by God of War 2 director Cory Barlog and Mad Max writer/director George Miller, the new game was actually going to be inspired by an idea for a movie called Mad Max: Fury Road that had been on the backburner since 2003.

Well, something must have happened, because Mad Max: Fury Road is actually getting made (with a May 2015 release date, to boot) and a different Mad Max game was announced at Sony's 2013 press conference, to be released in 2014 by Avalanche Studios. 2014 came and went with no Mad Max game, and there's still no official release date other than a nebulous '2015'. The movie's out this year, so hopefully they can get that locked down at some point, but it wouldn't be the first time a high-profile tie-in got delayed until well after the film's release.

Between the over-hyped Watch Dogs and the technical mess of Assassin's Creed Unity, Ubisoft had a rough 2014. So it's even more surprising to hear that Ubisoft's ambitious action-RPG The Division was supposed to come out the same year. It wisely decided to delay the game until 2015 and hopefully put some distance between itself and the lackluster performance of those other titles.

But is that going to be enough time? The Division is supposed to be a large-scale squad-shooter with all of the MMO trimmings, and having all of those moving pieces to consider - and get working right - takes time. After some high-profile missteps from the massive publisher, The Division needs to be flawless at launch if it ever hopes to recapture our trust. I'm hoping it's as awesome as Ubisoft is saying it is. But I swear, I better not have to climb another tower to reveal more of the in-game map.

EA's 2014 E3 conference was something magical, as having actual smoke and mirrors on stage would've been more substantial than what they showed. 'Oh, hey, we've got a new Mirror's Edge! Here's a video of a guy parkouring up some stairs. Yep, a new Mass Effect is coming… What, you wanted to see the game? Uh… look over there, it's a new game from those guys that made Burnout! It doesn't even have a name yet!"

I'd love to believe that Star Wars Battlefront is going to hit shelves by the holidays and that balance will be restored to the Force, but considering the massively bungled launch (and subsequent year after) of Battlefield 4 and the delay of Battlefield Hardline, I'm guessing that the highly-anticipated return of Star Wars Battlefront won't be coming until the first quarter of 2016, at the very earliest.

Making games is hard <(i>that's an understatement) and it's very easy for a game's development to get bogged down by excessive features, technical hangups, staffing issues, or even . Development hell is a very real thing, and Team Bondi was so buried in it, it was looking like it would never make it out. Its first game, L.A. Noire was first announced in 2004. It finally came out in 2011, largely thanks to Rockstar Games' involvement. Hey, at least it released before Duke Nukem Forever.

Its second project, Whore of the Orient (wow, what a name, huh?), was revealed back in 2012, but practically nothing else is known about it other than a couple of leaked screenshots and the fact that it's set in 1930s Shanghai. And despite the fact that I probably know more about astrophysics than I do about this game, it's still set with a tentative 2015 release date. Even with a new owner heading up the company and Warner Bros. Interactive publishing, I highly doubt we'll get to play this game before the end of the year, if we even get to see it at all.

Coming out of nowhere in 2013 to surprise the spaceship-adorned underoos off everyone, No Man's Sky has many people excited for different reasons. Some people want to set off in their spaceship and explore the great beyond. Others want to explore individual planets until they have fully conquered them. And people like myself want to find out what secrets await those who reach the center of the galaxy. It's a hugely ambitious game with a massive scope, and it's made by a grand total of eight people.

But I can't help but wonder if developer Hello Games might have bitten off more than it can chew. The team has stated that its targeting a 2015 release date, but No Man's Sky seems like the kind of game you throw on Early Access and slowly patch to a full release, rather than simply dumping out fully finished. But this is a high-profile PS4 release (in addition to PC), and that kind of thing just doesn't happen on consoles. Time will tell if we'll get to see what No Man's Sky is all about this year. I know I'm rooting for them.

You'll notice that 'development hell' seems to be a recurring theme for many of the games featured on this list. Well, the Rainbow Six series has been in a weird limbo ever since Rainbow Six Vegas 2 came and went a mere 14 months after its predecessor. The next entry in the series, Rainbow Six Patriots, was supposed to be a combination of tactical gameplay and the gripping drama of TV shows like 24, but after years of delays and the removal of several key developers, Patriots was eventually confirmed dead in 2014.

In its place is Rainbow Six Siege, a more multiplayer-focused title that will pit players in high-octane online battles between terrorist and SWAT teams. We got to see a proof-of-concept gameplay video at Ubisoft's press conference at E3 2014, but little else has been shown. If this game is actually coming in 2015, we'll need to know more than a handful of conceptual ideas.

The Legend of Zelda series is certainly, well, legendary for its prolific delays. Ocarina of Time was supposed to hit in the fall of 1997, but didn't see daylight until a year later. Twilight Princess was similarly delayed a year from its original 2005 release date so Nintendo could simultaneously release a Wii version at that system's launch. Skyward Sword was slated to come out at the end of 2010 but was (you guessed it) also delayed another year to iron out its motion control gameplay.

So yes, I'm insanely hopeful that I'll get to play the new Legend of Zelda game this year as promised, and Lord knows Nintendo needs this thing to come out on time to hold on to whatever small amount of momentum the Wii U still has. And who knows? Maybe a Nintendo in relatively dire straits is a Nintendo that gets games out on time. Still, I'm not holding my breath.

I'm more than willing to eat my fair share of humble pie with a side of crow if any of these games end up coming out this year. And I wouldn't be surprised if any of these titles gets a solid release date mere minutes after this article goes up. Still, it's probably wise to temper your expectations. Is your gut telling you that your favorite game is going to get delayed? Let me know in the comments!

Looking for more to get your hopes up about? Here are our .

When you're a kid, there's no such thing as a video game backlog. You get a few new games a year as birthday or holiday gifts, and you have all the time in the world to play them courtesy of summer vacation. But you and I are adults now, and backlogs are a very real, ever-present part of our continuously growing game libraries. Disposable income and awesome year-round sales give us the means to buy tons of worthwhile games, but real-world responsibilities have robbed us of the time we need to actually play them all.

But I'm vowing to put a dent in my overwhelmingly giant backlog (which you're about to see some selections from) over the next 12 months - and judging by the responses to or the stack of unopened games on your shelf is quite different from actually accomplishing it. If you're determined to finally beat your backlog this year, I've got some sensible tips to help make it happen for the both of us (fingers crossed).

I can't guarantee that these tips will eradicate your backlog in one fell swoop - but let's you and I give it our all this year! Do you have any other insightful tips for keeping an ever-expanding backlog at bay? Which games will you be prioritizing on your to-do list? Tell me all about it in the comments section below. Oh, and just FYI, the games you've just seen from my backlog are Fire Emblem: Awakening, The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion, Saints Row The Third, Final Fantasy 7, GTA 4: The Ballad of Gay Tony, Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet (donezo!), The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, Earthbound, Etrian Odyssey 4, The Witcher 2, Knights of the Old Republic, Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor, Fallout: New Vegas, Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask, and Uncharted 3 - a mere fraction of what I have to get through before I die. And truth be told, I've already beaten Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, pictured above - I tossed it in here for Lorenzo's sake, and because it looks so cool.

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Not even the strangest-smelling games journalists are asking 'how many floating points' a game has any more. Obviously it depends how many you score (fnar), but I am so pleased to say that we've all got past the stage of citing polygon counts when judging a game's graphical merits. Pretty much anything you can imagine can now be drawn by modern consoles in terms of computational oomph, so now it's mostly down to artistic expression as to whether a game looks good or not.

But looking back over gaming's history, even when things weren't so easy, it was those who tried something a bit different who managed to make their games stand out. And so entire art styles were born. Sometimes through technical necessity, other times through a deliberate attempt to shun progress. Fortunately that means I have a lot to talk about! So follow me into the gallery, if you please - let me show you some beautiful things...

Look at that adorable little chap. There are only 44 white squares making up that image, yet I'm sure you said 'Space Invaders' in your mind as soon as you saw it. Back then, these tiles were simply the smallest level of detail the cripplingly low-resolution displays could handle. But even since video games have hit full HD (and beyond), some designers still choose to use 8-bit-styled artwork, deliberately restricting the resolution - and colour palettes - of their sprites so that they appear blocky and pixellated. Why? Because it looks cool, is easier to animate, and it looks cool. What more reasons do you need?

These days? Pixel art is extremely popular so it isn't hard to find examples. The wonderful 10,000,000 on iOS is a fine specimen, as is .

Vectrex was the first home console to display its games using vector graphics instead of rasterised imagery, such as sprites. If you listened in mathematics classes (which you totally did, right?) you might remember that vectors provide a method of calculating precise movements of points in space. Join those points up with lovely shiny lines and what have you got? Wireframe 3D. Yep, Vectrex was a 3D console. And that meant exceptionally smooth animation because it didn't use animation frames at all. It used maths.

These days? Some games still borrow that vector style, like . They've got a whole load of other stuff going on as well, but that clean, 'glowing lines' style still has an air of mystique.

This was absolutely on the bleeding edge of technology in January, 1982. Zaxxon employs an 'isometric' viewpoint that allows flat, 2D graphics to look like 3-dimensional images, simply by drawing them as if viewed from a slightly elevated vantage point. By having the ship pass behind some elements of the scenery, it is enough to fool the (admittedly foolish) eye into thinking it is viewing an actual 3D room through the screen. It isn't, of course. And we can see that now. But that effect must've been amazing if it was the first time you'd seen it, back in the days before your humble narrator was even born. Suddenly, games were starting to look real.

These days? Isometric graphics are still popular on iOS, but even now everything can be rendered in 3D, the viewpoint has been retained for strategy games. is a prime example.

Rotoscoped graphics were all the rage back in the early 1990s, as they allowed for far more realistic character movement than had ever been seen before. Basically what you need to do to rotoscope a character is film someone acting out the gesture you require, such as jumping, or picking something up off the floor. Then you trace each frame and use your drawings in sequence to create a moving character. Jordan Mechner pioneered the use of rotoscoping in games, first with Karateka (pictured, above-left), but then most famously in Prince of Persia (also pictured, above-right). Out of this World and Flashback then picked up the rotoscoped baton and ran with it.

These days? on Nintendo DS uses rotoscoped graphics to create its smooth animations. But the technique has arguably been surpassed by true motion capture, which is why it's seldom used now.

In the early 1990s, everybody was still drawing their sprites by hand, placing each coloured pixel on a grid until they had drawn one frame of the character in question. So imagine the leap-forward when Mortal Kombat let you fight with REAL PEOPLE. Well, real photos of people. OK, real photos of people that were retouched by hand to make them look good at tiny resolutions. Yep. I'm sorry, but I have to say: to modern eyes, the effect looks awful, at least when it's moving. Back then, it was revolutionary.

These days? Not many games choose to use digitised sprites any more, because the most 'photorealistic' games use 3D to achieve their goals. Um... on Wii and iOS? Yep, sorry, pushing it a bit.

Flat-shaded 3D is something you would choose for its stylistic merits today, but it was born out of necessity. Before we had processor-intensive texture-mapped polygons (but after those lovely vector wireframes), some gaming hardware could 'flat-shade' polygons, with a process very similar to MS Paint's bucket tool, to fill in triangles. High tech, eh? Games like LHX Attack Chopper on Mega Drive and even some ZX Spectrum games like Hard Drivin' managed flat-shaded 3D visuals, but Virtua Racing was the first to do it at any kind of enjoyable speed. Light-sourced, too. Yum.

These days? Any flat-shaded game these days is being deliberately retro (which is cool because flat-shading is awesome). There are some flat-shaded scenes in on last-gen.

Film grain is often applied to horror games to make it look as though you're playing a horror movie. No, Mickey Mania isn't a horror game (but it is... scarily good. Aha!). And, to be clear, I am talking about the scratches and lines, not the film-strip effect on the sides up there. These deliberate imperfections are often combined with a vignette effect to darken the corners and edges of the display. Makes it less sterile, see? And just like a real film in a cinema. Only without the popcorn stuck to the seats or the people talking noisily behind you. Unless you have a really awful house.

These days? Most horror games employ some element of it. is a great example, but it's so pronounced it includes an option to reduce it or even turn if off completely. Hours of fuzz are probably not good for your eyes. 25 hours of psychological horror? Totally fine, obviously.

This was all the rage in the late 1990s. Polygonal 3D graphics were still in their infancy, but characters could have more detail if they were the only 3D objects being drawn. Stick them over a flat, pre-rendered (or even hand-drawn) background and you can have visuals far more detailed than the primitive tech of the day could ever draw by itself. Games like Alone in the Dark did it earlier than Resi, but Capcom's survival horror classic is the finest example of the art. Well, that and its immediate sequel.

These days? Well, there really isn't any need to do it any more! But there is an HD version of the Gamecube's Resident Evil remake coming soon, and that has pre-rendered backgrounds, so the style will live on. Can't see many native PS4 or Xbox One games going for it, though...

The idea of making games look like cartoons wasn't all that new when Jet Set Radio did it on Dreamcast, but it was the first to add black outlines to polygonal 3D to such incredible effect. Funnily enough, The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker doesn't actually use black outlines at all, instead restricting the blending between light and shadow so that rounded 3D objects look like flat drawings of 2D objects. Which they would be anyway if you think about it. Hmmm...

These days? The likes of use cel-shading on top of highly-detailed 3D character models to create visuals that really could be animated features. Of course the result is gorgeous. And Borderlands is another fine example of the (literal) art.

Photorealism is a lot of graphical developers' ultimate goal. Computer graphics so realistic, they're indistinguishable from the real thing. Some angles of Gran Turismo 6 are approaching it. Heavy Rain had a crack (and failed) and new-gen consoles might approach it by the end of their life cycle. How? Well, ray-tracing actual beams of virtual light... look, actual photorealism where you simulate the real world is still beyond games consoles. So until then, look at Kevin Spacey and imagine he's the real Kevin Spacey. There ya go.

Right now? The sea in . It's like the actual sea. But again, its people are nothing like actual people.

Now there's a question! The low-res textures on cubes make for a very distinct art style - which you could call 'Minecraft-style' - and one that is being copied by countless open-world resource-collecting games. But I would argue it's just pixel art applied to 3D. In spectacular, unmistakeable fashion, yes. But taking an existing idea and turning it into something new worked out 'pretty well' for Mojang. So! Got any more video game art styles that haven't been covered? Let everyone know in the comments.

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What's a 'dandy,' you may ask? Why, it's nothing more than a gentleman who appreciates the finer things in life: eloquent language, snazzy clothing, and a certain degree of vanity. Dandies strive to maintain a prim-and-proper demeanor, entertaining others with their witty speech, charming mannerisms, and debonair attire. You could say they're effeminate, but all it takes to be a dandy is a devotion to style above all else.

For whatever reason, the dandy archetype pairs wonderfully with a life of villainy. It must be something about the disconnect between a dandy's cavalier attitude and a slew of abominable deeds, making the bad guy seem likeable and reprehensible at the same time. Pagan Min from is probably the most famous evil dandy at the moment - but he wasn't the first, or the dandiest. Straighten your bowtie, dust off your top hat, and sharpen your bloodied butterfly knife as we take a look at gaming's most memorable, despicable dandies.

SPOILERS AHOY for the following games:
Bayonetta
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Deep-pocketed fat cats, take note: this is what 'the one-percent' should/will look like in 2035. Graham might as well be a male model, with his three-piece suit, silk scarf, and eyebrows that have seen more tweeze than Elmer Fudd in a dense forest. At first, he seems like an amiable fellow, treating our hero Soma Cruz with cordial respect. But Graham's tune changes real fast when he realizes that Soma might be a threat to his true intentions: becoming the reincarnation of Dracula.

Graham is actually a 'Dark Lord Candidate' - someone who was born at the exact moment that Dracula was previously killed. His belief is that, by rights, all demons should serve under his command, and he slowly loses his sanity to delusions of grandeur as Aria's story runs its course. But maybe we shouldn't blame Graham for his villainy - a lifetime of kids saying that your last name should be 'Cracker' is enough to drive anyone over the edge.

Just listen to that and tell me Razer isn't a high point of the Jak and Daxter sequels. Not to be confused with the PC hardware brand or the long-forgotten Motorola flip phone, Razer simply oozes snobbiness, from his splendiferous coat to his pristinely trimmed goatee to the cigar ashes he's always tapping hither and thither.

It's hard to imagine that a man so dapper would get his jollies by decimating competitors in futuristic death races, but that's just how Razer rolls. And even for all the taunts, thinly veiled threats, and plumes of smoke that Razer sends Jak's way, Daxter still can't help but appreciate his "certain odd, sexy style". You know a villain's got panache when even the heroes can't help but adore him. Jak puts up a gruff front, but you just know that deep down, he's intrigued by his long-eared frenemy. I better stop before this launches into full-on slash fiction.

Now there's a beautiful man. Wait, please wait officer - I wasn't aware that Ash is only 16 when I said that! If you filled a pixelated blender with the the pyrokinetic powers of KOF poster boy Kyo Kusanagi and the leather-obsessed fashion sense of Iori Yagami, Ash Crimson would be the result. But unlike his masculine predecessors - Kyo with his everyman appeal, Iori looking like a guitarist in a goth metal band - Ash is a lithe, effeminate fighter with a hairstyle that seems better suited for a 1960s go-go dancer. And if you don't stop staring at his extravagantly painted nails, he'll punch in your guts with fists of green flame.

When you meet the sardonic, uncaring gaze of Ash's blue eyes, you know that this guy must be a straight-up sociopath. That assumption is reinforced by the fact that Ash treats enemies and allies like pieces on a chessboard, displaying almost zero emotion in his quest to rob KOF's leading super-humans of their powers. Maybe he's not technically the most evil guy in town, but Ash's motives are so ambiguous for the majority of his convoluted plotline that he might as well be the villain.

Attempting to understand the entire plot of Bayonetta is like learning a new language: there are tons of unfamiliar words you need to memorize, and you're going to be confused as hell for at least a month. So instead of getting into Father Balder's time-traveling escapades and 500-plus years of existence, let's just focus on the dandy-osity of his extravagant ensemble. The flaxen half-mask/monocle combo; the ornate white-and-gold robes; the actual peacock carcass draped over his shoulders complete with full plumage. If a villain was any sharper dressed, they'd have to be wearing a tuxedo made out of knives.

It's clear where Bayonetta gets her sense of outrageously sleek style - let's just say that they don't call him 'Father' Balder because he's a priest. But even when he's threatening to eradicate his own flesh and blood, Balder's elegant rhetoric makes his attempted filicide seem A-ok. He's the classic combination of dashing and dastardly, much like David Bowie in Labyrinth (though by comparison, Balder's crotch-bulge game still needs work).

One look at De Singe's made-up, ghostly pale face, and Aerosmith's 'Dude (Looks Like a Lady)' will instantly get stuck in your head. Then you hear his voice, which sounds like a French person doing an impression of an American person doing an impression of a French person. De Singe constantly peppers his lispy speech with words au francais, completing the illusion that he could never be a threat, even to a pirate as gullible as Guybrush Threepwood.

But that couldn't be further from the truth - which you might've already guessed, given that this villain's name is a play on Marquis De Sade, the aristocrat whose last name is the actual root of the word 'sadism'. When De Singe isn't conducting experiments on helpless animals, he's trying to amputate Guybrush's pox-ridden hand in a misguided bid for eternal life. To make things even more 'mad scientist', De Singe is controlling the winds around Flotsam Island so he can strand pirates there to serve as his not-actual-guinea-pigs-for-once guinea pigs. But with that foppish attitude, powdered wig, and aristocratic garb of his, you'd never guess that De Singe is probably more vile a villain than the infamous Captain LeChuck.

From reading his rap sheet, you'd assume that young royal Alfred Ashford is an absolute monster. Not because he's a test-tube baby - Alfred and his sister Alexia had no say in the genetic experiments that created them. It's more the way he conspired with his twin sis to infect their father/creator with the t-Veronica virus before imprisoning him in the basement. If that wasn't sadistic enough for you, there's also Alfred's love for administering torture in his private prison camp. He also enjoys taking potshots at people with his sniper rifle when they're not looking, which is so uncool.

But when you actually meet Alfred for the first time, he seems like such a sweet (albeit a little demented) guy. It's a one-two punch of dandy charm, what with Alfred's well-groomed appearance in his regal-looking military uniform, and the ludicrously high pitch of his voice as he eloquently accosts our heroes, Claire and Steve. Allow me to take a shotgun approach to some pop culture comparisons: Alfred Ashford has the . If you got all that, guess what: we just became best friends.

Yes, it's true: you can be intimidated by a skinny, pale elf rocking an emo haircut, gigantic jewel earrings, purple eyeliner, and a skintight, patterned leotard. Ghirahim's degree of self-assured fabulousness rivals even Beyonce, and I dare say he's the most sexually charged character Link's ever had the pleasure of meeting, given how often he speaks in moans and . Ghirahim is what every dandy aspires to be: a cross between the authority and poshness of an aristocrat and the flamboyant charisma of a hair metal band's lead singer.

But this is a list of the most menacing dandies - and Ghirahim's got evil intent out the wazoo. Whenever this pretty boy loses his cool, you get a glimpse of his true self: a psychotic sword-wielding murderer who's more than happy to dole out slow, painful death in his quest to abduct Princess Zelda. At least, that's what I gathered from quotes like "I need to vent all this unhealthy anger, and your agony is a great stress reliever!" or "I'll do more than just beat you senseless. I'll make the affair so excruciating you'll deafen yourself with the shrill sound of your own screams". Damn.

Long live the villainous dandy - without them, we'd have to endure a never-ending stream of big, uncouth brutes as our antagonists. Are there any other evil-doer dandies - like the young Revolver Ocelot or Kingdom Hearts' Marluxia, both pictured above - that you think could've made the cut? Tell me all about it in the comments below - but please, do be courteous about it, lest our genteel discourse be reduced to plebeian drivel.

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