Names are tough, because there's such a fine line between sounding cool and sounding completely bonkers. A good name sticks with people, a bad one sticks with people because it sounds like something a porn star would reject for being too obvious.

We have a lot of porn star-sounding game character names in the following slides, as well as ones that are too-cool-for-school and others still that are just complete nonsense. If you've ever been picked on for having a goofy sounding name, take comfort in the fact that it could have been worse - much worse.

Seen having a stupid name in: Punch-Out!! (arcade game)

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a first grader's attempt at identifying 'Italian things'. Seriously, was this THE FIRST THING that popped into the developers' heads when designing their Italian boxer? What about Gucci Gnocchi?

Seen having a stupid name in: Super Punch-Out!!

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a fun way to speed the weekend. Do you think when Bear's parents named him, they knew their son would grow up to be a grizzled old mountain man who's also a boxer? It was destiny.

Seen having a stupid name in: Street Fighter EX

Name is stupid because it sounds like: WrestleMania, only deadlier.

Seen having a stupid name in: Mega Man X5

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Duffman from The Simpsons, oh yeah! Fun fact: the Duff is apparently short for Duffin, which doesn't make it any better.

Seen having a stupid name in: Mega Man X6

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a device that plays metal sharks. What would even be on a metal shark? Music, videos, lots of teeth?

Seen having a stupid name in: The King of Fighters XIII

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a grab bag of words people think sound cool. If he started a band, it would totally be called Nightmare Final Infinity.

Seen having a stupid name in: King of the Monsters 2

Name is stupid because it sounds like: some sort of weird, online sex slang (unlike all that totally normal online sex slang).

Seen having a stupid name in: Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a stupid pun on the phrase "miles per hour." Tails is a decent enough name, but when you learn his name is actually Miles Prower - which sounds like "prowler" - it makes him sound like a creepy stalker.

Seen having a stupid name in: Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN-

Name is stupid because it sounds like: laziness.

Seen having a stupid name in: several Tekken games

Name is stupid because it sounds like: martial law. Even though the character has nothing to do with the military or the legal system. Super funny, right? Get it?

Seen having a stupid name in: No More Heroes

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a cheap way to have "down" in his last name. The main character's name is Travis TouchDOWN so, naturally, his rival should have the word 'down' in there somewhere.

Seen having a stupid name in: Toshinden 4

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a bunch of knightly words strung together. If your character is already a knight - and you feel the need to put the word knight in his name - then take a step back and really think over the decisions you've made in your life.

Seen having a stupid name: Final Fantasy X

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the noise a teeny, tiny baby would make while playing with a toy. Actually, Wakka was the goofball of the group, and he did fight using a toy, so I guess this name fits.

Seen having a stupid name in: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

Name is stupid because as a matter of fact: Starkiller didn't kill any stars.

Seen having a stupid name in: Ready 2 Rumble Boxing

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name of a porn star. Seriously, you're going to find a lot of these in this list.

Seen having a stupid name in: Zone of the Enders: The 2nd Runner

Name is stupid because it sounds like: an Australian game show host. And yes, I'm saying the name's Australian because it has the word 'dingo' in it. I'm sorry.

Seen having a stupid name in: Zettai Hero Project: Unlosing Ranger VS. Darkdeath Evilman

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the first draft of a new Power Rangers villain. To be fair, ZHP is a parody game, so Mr. Evilman is technically a parody of generic villain names. But even so, it's still too ridiculous not to feature here.

Seen having a stupid name in: Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker

Name is stupid because it sounds like: his parents had a really, really cruel sense of humor. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during the 'Hot Coldman vs. Cold Hotman' naming meeting at Kojima Productions. Thankfully, good taste prevailed.

Seen having a stupid name in: Mario Kart 8

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Nintendo really has run out of new ideas for Mario Kart Racers.

Seen having a stupid name in: Devil May Cry 3

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a basic description for a character. There's actually a wonderfully convoluted reason for why Lady calls herself Lady, but the end result is that it's still a dumb name.

Seen having a stupid name in: Kingdom Hearts 2

Name is stupid because it sounds like: someone wanted a group of 13 people to all have the letter 'X' in their name, but ran out of good ideas after the first one.

Seen having a stupid name in: Chris Moneymaker's World Poker Championship

Name is stupid because it sounds like: an evil CEO in one of those family-friendly movies starring a talking animal.

Seen having a stupid name in: EarthBound

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Mr. Carpenter, which would have been a fine name, but if you really squint your eyes and read it again it actually says car painter. Car painter? As in, one who paints cars?

Seen having a stupid name in: Dirge of Cerberus

Name is stupid because it sounds like: blue the blue, which is basically what he's called. His name sounds like azure, a shade of blue, and his... um... title is cerulean, another shade of blue. There you have it: Blue the Blue.

Seen having a stupid name in: too many Mario games

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Luigi but with a 'W' at the front, yeah, we get it Nintendo, it's like what you did with Wario, only his named sounded cool and this just sounds like some kind of word jumble. Poor Luigi, even his villains are lame.

Seen having a stupid name in: Fracture.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name of a '50s high school football hero transported into the year 3090, where he stars as the protagonist of a pulpy sci-fi adventure serial, itself made in the '50s. Also, he sounds a bit like a porn star.

Seen having a stupid name in: Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: computer science slang.

"Yeah, I was having trouble getting that part of the UI to display properly, but I've run a quick dash rendar to kluge it together for now. I'll fix it properly tomorrow"

Even for a character living in the Star Wars universe, it's ridiculous.

Seen having a stupid name in: the Gears of War series.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name of a porn star. Seriously. Take him out of context and it does.

Seen having a stupid name in: Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy on the Atari Jaguar. That's why you've never heard of him.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the developers did not realise that simply putting "Mc" in front of an obvious character trait does not a plausible name or believable characterisation make. Also, given the current state of internet culture, it's inadvisable to put the word "fur" in any character's name. Also also, Trevor is my dad's name and so all of this just freaks me out. Click on to the next slide now and forget that this one ever happened.

Seen having a stupid name in: Rosco McQueen, Firefighter Extreme.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name of a southern '70s sheriff who works by his own rules but gets the job done.

Seen having a stupid name in: the Halo series.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: of all the real-world naval ranks available to them, Bungie chose the one most likely to sound like "Captain Boss" to those uninitiated in military designations.

Seen having a stupid name in: Star Ocean: The Last Hope.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name a 10 year-old would give themselves if handed a deed poll form shortly after being handed a bottle of whiskey and a giant bag of Skittles.

Seen having a stupid name in: Final Fantasy VII and its multitudinous spin-offs.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name of a teenage goth's online alter-ego. Or alternately, that of a French porn star.

Look, I'm going to stop doing the porn star joke now, because a) it's not a joke, and b) it applies to nearly all of them. Can we just agree that it goes without saying from this point on? It'll save me a lot of time. Like, literally seconds.

Seen having a stupid name in: Final Fantasy VII and its multitudinous spin-offs.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Square-Enix realised that "Cloud" sounded too much like the product of hippie parenting. Given that Cloud was to be their most emo hero to date, they thus stuck "Strife" on the end in order to add additional angst. He might as well be called Rainbow Misery.

Seen having a stupid name in: Far too many Sonic the Hedgehog games.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: an instruction to do something unpleasant to a rabbit.

Seen having a stupid name in: Mace Griffin, Bounty Hunter.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the developers decided that sticking together the respective names of a medieval weapon and a mythical beast was a dead-cert route to badassery. And it should be. But in practice, it isn't.

Seen having a stupid name in: the Wolfenstein series

Name is stupid because it sounds like: iD effectively tried to shoehorn the word "blast" into the name of an action hero.

Seen having a stupid name in: Metal Gear

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the subtitle of any modern military FPS.

Seen having a stupid name in: Metal Gear Solid

Name is stupid because it sounds like: a gadget used by James Bond during the ultra-camp Roger Moore period.

Seen having a stupid name in: Parasite Eve

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name of a mad scientist. Which is exactly what he is. A really, really obvious mad scientist. Who was somehow allowed to carry on with his mad science until he nearly brought about the destruction of the world. Hans Klamp, people. He was called Hans Klamp. And just look at his freaking beard! Look at it!

Seen having a stupid name in: the Virtua Fighter series.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Sega obviously didn't pay attention to my "Jimmy McCharactertrait" rule from earlier on.

Seen having a stupid name in: the Virtua Fighter series.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Sega have tried to subvert the "Jimmy McCharactertrait" rule, but only slightly succeeded.

We know that Wolf is a nature-loving woodsman, but the point need not be laboured by stapling together three elements of the natural world in order to create his name. Who's his arch-rival, Concrete Buildingstreet?

Seen having a stupid name in: Final Fantasy VIII.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: half a sentence. Rinoa Heartilly what? Ate a juicy roast chicken? Laughed at the poor? What? What was Rinoa doing with such gusto, Squenix?

Seen having a stupid name in: the real world, as a pro-gaming association.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the supporters' association of a well-known assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland. Apparently the whole thing was a complete, really unfortunate accident, and they were quite embarrassed when they discovered connotation.

Seen having a stupid name in: the Guilty Gear series.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: OH COME ON!

Seen having a stupid name in: the Star Fox series.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: his parents spent very little time naming him.

"So we, Mr. and Mrs. McCloud, being foxes, as we are, have birthed a baby fox. What shall we call him?"

"Fox?"

"Done"

Seen having a stupid name in: Dark Souls.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: I'm not even getting into this one.

Seen having a stupid name in: the Ace Attorney series.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Capcom tried to go for a name that playfully danced with genre conventions, but then went a bit too far, effectively naming their character "Detective Detective".

Seen having a stupid name in: the Ace Attorney series.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: Okay, looking back over these pages I think we we might actually have stumbled upon the method for coming up with your own personal Video Game Name. By my estimation the method is simply a case of working out your porn name (first pet + mothers maiden name) and then substituting one of the words with the name of a mythological beast or dangerous real-world animal of your choosing. Mine is Goldie Minotaur*. Tell me Metal Gear Solid has never used anything sillier.

*I imagine Goldie Minotaur to be a street-smart female detective in a lightly steampunk-tinged '20s-noir universe. Because why wouldn't she be? She's not a minotaur though. I'm not going all Star Fox with this one.

Seen having a stupid name in: the Ace Attorney series. Again.

Name is stupid because it sounds like: the name of a low-to-medium-profile mid-'80s wrestler, with a garish gold outfit and a large beard.

Any other stupendously named characters you think I've missed? Any in this list you think have been hard done by? Let me know. And don't forget to drop your official Video Game Name in the comments.

And while you're here, check out some of our other tasty feature content. I'd recommend .

It seemed like such a good idea at the time. You saw a trailer for the latest gotta-have-it game, or saw some bad-ass box art at the local game store, and you said to yourself “I'm going to own this thing, no matter what”. So you sell off all your worldly possessions, take your latest acquisition home, fire it up and - wait a minute. This game is garbage. And thanks to most stores' absurdly inflexible return policies, well, you're now out $60 / £45.

It sucks when you drop hard-earned cash on a game that ultimately ends up being a complete waste. Even worse is when you shell out hundreds of dollars for the latest hotness only for the price to get sliced to ribbons literally a day after you buy the damn thing. Don't worry, because we've been there too. Each editor has detailed the most regrettable gaming purchase they've ever made. They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure as heck can pick up a family-sized portion of disappointment.

I have a sketchy history with Nintendo consoles. They're the single, dark source of my gaming buyer's remorse. Despite buying and loving the Gamecube because it played Resident Evil 4 and Wind Waker, my console largely collected dust for a couple of years, before I traded it in against a (much more widely used) Xbox.

I tried to get back into the Ninty spirit with a DS, but despite sinking a few hours into Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin and Phoenix Wright, I ended up ditching it after a year. And my recent 3DS purchase? Even worse. Bought it seven months ago, haven't played it for six. No, I can't explain it. Yes, I realise that I'm probably the only person alive who doesn't find infinite joy in Mario and his pals. I may have a problem…

Back in 1998, Sega Saturn was dying. I had played all of the good games available in the UK, but didn't have my Saturn chipped so I couldn't play import games. So I started looking at 'lower tier' games. And then I did the most stupid thing ever. I traded my copy of Daytona CCE and another game (I think it was Manx TT Superbike)… for this.

As soon as I loaded it up, I realised I'd made a huge mistake. The game was choppy, glitchy, and full of pop-in. Amid the countless ovals, it had one (just one) decent track, Ranch Tower, which my dad and I played in split-screen and did get a lot of fun out of. But if your car flipped in two-player mode, it had no undertray. It was a hollow shell. Dreadful quality, especially compared to the beautiful games I had traded (that the shop refused to give back). To make matters worse, my mum pointed out in rightful indignation that Daytona had been a Christmas present. I was ashamed.

My most regrettable gaming purchase had to be Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex. Up to that point, I was the biggest Crash fan. It was one of the few games on the PlayStation that I could actually play and not become violently ill. I played all of them. I did speed runs. I collected every damn piece of fruit. And I even cheered as Crash did his little pelvic thrust dance. Hell, I even owned the toys made by Resaurus. One of the main reasons I bought the PS2 was to play the latest game in the series

And then I actually played it. Or I at least tried to. All of the magic that the fine folks at Naughty Dog had made was gone and I was heartbroken. No longer did I delight in hanging out with my favorite Bandicoot. No more riding on tigers, sliding on ice, bad guys with huge foreheads, or weirdly sexualized dances to make me giggle. On top of it, the new game mechanics made me sick. I felt so betrayed and still feel the sadness.

Now, I'm sure we've all rented bad games and suffered through them when we were younger. You only have enough cash to rent one new game over the weekend, so you’d better get your money's worth. Plus, there's something uniquely entertaining about the rage a truly awful game induces. But the one time I rented Glover when I was 13 was so disappointing that it taught me an important lesson about the value of a dollar.

The latest issue of Nintendo Power made it seem so interesting, and being an N64 owner with literally nothing else to play, I went down to Blockbuster and spent my weekly allowance on a rental. And wow, it was such a mediocre experience that I literally have no recollection of it other than the fact that it inspired me to be more responsible with my money. Real exciting stuff, I know. I played it for a couple of hours, looked sullenly at the TV screen, and switched off my N64 with a sigh. It felt like my eyes had finally opened up; like I'd just stepped out of the Matrix and into the real world for the first time, knowing that there's no going back.

I remember this dark day of my childhood well. The game: a complete copy of Chrono Trigger. The trade: Captain America and The Avengers (on SNES, just the cartridge) and $40. Rarely a day goes by that I don't kick myself for this MIND-BREAKING, RAGE-INDUCING MISTAKE of a trade. How did it come to this? Well, I'd finished Chrono Trigger several times and knew the game like the back of my hand. At the same time, there was an arcade cabinet for Captain America at my local video store, and I was getting sick of pouring quarters into it.

So I figured, "What the hell, I'll just trade away one of the greatest Japanese role-playing games of all time complete in box with manual and little bonus map inserts for some mediocre beat-'em-up that I played maybe twice before getting bored." Yep. Yuuuup. That's a thing that happened; good job younger Max. Today, a complete copy of Chrono Trigger fetches a pretty penny on eBay, but what really bums me out is that I don't have access to my old save data. It would be fascinating to go back and see what I named all my characters, how long I played, where I stopped, and so on. Such a waste.

It's painful how recently this one happened, but it seems the conditions were just right. As the release of the new Thief game approached in 2014, I started pondering whether or not I should pre-order it. I hadn't played the previous Thief games, but I had seen them in action, and knew that Dishonored (which is among my personal top ten games ever) was heavily inspired by the Thief franchise.

After checking out gameplay footage and mulling it over for a while, I decided I would take the gamble and pre-ordered it the day before release. I really wanted the pre-order bonus mission and also I am an idiot. I was quickly disillusioned with the weird story and lackluster gameplay (which, funny enough, felt like a poor man's Dishonored) and traded it in as soon as I could. I got $20 of my original pre-order back. Ugh. Garrett really is the world's greatest thief.

After a few weeks of hearing how great Halo 4 is, I was convinced that this would be the installment that got me back into the Halo multiplayer fold (having completely ignored online play since Combat Evolved on PC). So I pick up a copy after work one day and excitedly hurry home to play it with some ex-GR staff. Coop, Ryan, and Brian invite me to their Xbox Live party, and within minutes, we're in the thick of combat.

And by God, am I bored. I had forgotten how much I hate vehicular combat in my FPS; while racking up a few kills is always fun, having your spree ended by a shell from a distant Scorpion tank most certainly is not. I don't remember who said it, but someone sheepishly suggested "Do you guys just want to go back to playing Black Ops 2?" We all agreed in unison. Ten minutes later, we were back to picking off UAVs and calling in Killstreaks. That was the first and last time I ever played my copy of Halo 4, and I seriously doubt I'll go back. How about that: 60 bones for one hour of disinterest.

I feel so, so conflicted saying that I regret my Game Boy Advance. Firstly, my mom was the one who actually spent money on it (hey, I was ten at the time). Secondly, I loved so many of the games: WarioWare, Mega Man Battle Network, Metroid Fusion, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (which is how I finally finished one of my favorite games of all time). But wait a minute… I didn't actually finish A Link to the Past on Game Boy Advance. I finished it on Game Boy Advance SP. Just like almost all of my other GBA games.

Much as it pains me to say it, my life would have been better if I'd just waited for GBA SP's gloriously backlit screen to illuminate it. My vision is still OK a decade or so later, but just imagine how much better it would be if I hadn't strained over the original's inscrutable grey mirror for hours. I could probably see for miles!

I hate to kick someone when they’re down, but paying $500 for an Xbox One bundled with Kinect has to be my most regrettable purchase. In 2013, buying it made so much sense. First off, I felt I needed both an Xbox One and a PS4 on launch day as part of my profession. And even though the last thing I ever needed in my life was a Kinect, it was being touted as integral to the console, so I took it in my stride, figuring it’d work great in the coming months. Less than a year later, and Kinect was stripped out of the box and most of its functionality was pushed aside.

You can imagine my frustration. It was a bit like an architect showing me a completed house that looked great, except it was a little more than my budget, and had one room I wasn’t too fond of. Instead of fixing that room, the architect burned it all to the ground and started over after publicly firing half the construction team. He then sold the new house to someone else for a fifth off the asking price. That’s basically the pain of being an early Xbox One owner.

I made the mistake of buying a game called Earth Defense Force 2025. At the time, all I heard were good things about it and it's cooperative gameplay. I was in desperate need of a good co-op game, so I bought it. Never have I been so disappointed by a game in my life. The frame rate chugged so bad I could hardly play it. Everything was delayed and slow. It was like playing a highly demanding PC game on a low-end computer. I found myself helplessly crying out "Noooooooooooo" as if I were running in slow-motion as a giant ant devoured my avatar each time I failed.

Did I mention that there was a co-op mode? Good grief yes! A co-op mode! As if the game wasn't struggling to process all the events happening in single player. Can you imagine it trying to display both players at the same time? It ran even slower and after about two minutes of torture, I turned the game off. Purchase value: $59.99, Trade in Value: $16.00, The look on my face: Priceless.

Think of these stories as one part cautionary tale, one part therapy session. Have you made any purchases that gave you an almost instant feeling of buyer's remorse? Or have you had the rug pulled out from under you with a sudden price drop? Let us know in the comments!

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