Whether it's the fault of starry-eyed art departments or marketing overseers with an eye for sexy box art, most playable character rosters could double for fashion model listings. Seriously, whether you can play as a guy or a girl in any given game, chances are your character is going to be really, really, ridiculously good looking - in anything from Altered Beast to Zelda. It's gotten pretty old.

Fortunately, through dedication to a non-standard aesthetic (or perhaps a basic misunderstanding of human faces), some less-than-perfect specimens slip into the final product. And I'm here to celebrate the least perfect of them all. Come with me for a look at some of the ugliest characters ever to surface in your video game, and let's hope to see more of their kind in the future!

It's cool that Nier is a JRPG character who doesn't look like he's cutting PE class to save the world, but he didn't have to swing quite so far in the other direction. Speaking of PE class, his wrinkly face is particularly weird on top of that smooth and muscular frame. For real, though, just bush up his eyebrows a little bit and he's the bodybuilder version of Andy Rooney.

Take away the eczema sores, the patchy male-pattern balding, the huge bags under his eyes, whatever is going on with those eyebrows, and the last dozen years of speed addiction, and Trevor Philips could actually be a pretty handsome guy. But you and I both know he'd rather be ugly as hell than give up that sweet, sweet meth.

I'm not calling Remedy's Sam Lake (the original face model for Max Payne) ugly. He's actually pretty good-looking, in that hardcover-dust-jacket way. But Sam Lake with his face permanently pinched into a bizarre sneer with eyebrows arched, nose wrinkled, and mouth smirked? Yeah, that's ugly. Fortunately for Mr. Lake, Max got a new face for both of his sequels.

The other Whispering Rock campers are cute in a demented way, but Raz's little overripe tangerine of a face is just too much for me to stomach. Not to mention his facial features are all so squished down that he looks like his parents bound his head as an infant - wait, maybe that's why he developed psychic powers?

Motherfucker looks like Brock Lesnar forgot his sunscreen and got stung by a bee.

Perhaps in other cultures, a high, wrinkly dome atop your head is a sign of power and nobility. To me, it just looks like a potato. Though it's more of a baked potato that's been left in the oven too long for Heihachi, with steam shooting out from either side. I'm pretty sure his brows are permanently furrowed at this point, too. I'd never say any of this to his weird face, of course, lest I get mine rearranged.

Does including Wario on this list seem a little too on-the-bulbous-pink-nose to you? I can see where you're coming from, but I must disagree. It would actually be an insult to leave off that baggy-eyed, crooked-stached, Chiclet-toothed visage. Wario basks in his propensity to inspire physical revulsion, and I ain't gonna hate on him for it.

The security guards in Half-Life are clearly modelled after Barney Fife from The Andy Griffith Show. That said, Valve probably would've been better off using a picture of Don Knotts for reference, instead of travelling some eight years into the future and exhuming his desiccated corpse. Fortunately, Barney clearly got some sun/nutrition between then and his starring role in Blue Shift.

Before I saw Steve, I never would've thought it possible to pack that much dishevelment in an eight-by-eight pixel area. But there he is, squares expertly stacked to suggest a cruddy little goatee and uneven, ruddy skin. Do you think if Notch knew Minecraft was going to be a worldwide phenomenon, he would've spruced Steve up a bit? I hope not.

This isn't even a weight thing. Big guys can look classy, too. But not with a bizarre handlebar mustache and bulging, veiny half circles for eyes. And oh my god, what is going on with that braided top knot? It makes his bulbous head look like a bell on a chain. Let's just try to pretend that nobody noticed the trail of body hair poking out of his unzipped jumpsuit...

There are pretty much two paths to walk in The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion's character creator. Either embrace the madness, as seen above, or create a character who looks roughly like a human being… who was found floating face down in a bog. Actually, there's one more path: just make a damn Argonian and avoid the whole issue.

Her giant face-eating maw is terrifying, but the way it kinda shoves all the rest of her features aside is maybe even scarier. Also, your eyes don't deceive you, Mileena is the only lady on this list - and you barely even see the ugly half of her face, since she usually wears a mask. C'mon, game developers! Not every playable woman has to be pageant material!

Meth, man. Not even once.

Nobody's looking too hot in the CD-i Zelda games, but the rubbery faced monstrosity that is Link might have gotten the worst of it. There is literally not a single scene where Link doesn't look like a self-satisfied dick, though his overall appearance does at least vary from "smug chipmunk" to "smarmy cadaver".

Mega Man is wincing in agony. There appears to be a tear emerging from the corner of his eye. But it's not because of his pelvic-breaking stance, or his freakishly swollen shoulders, or the pain of trying to wield a cubist handgun in naturalist fingers. No. It's the lament of a simple little robot soul trapped inside a freakishly repugnant human body.

I know that some polygons and texture details had to bow out to bring one of the Wii's most visually impressive games to 3DS, but I fail to see how making Shulk into a gawping fishman could improve performance. To use an equestrian term, the poor bastard looks like he was rode hard and put away wet. Wait, am I saying he's a seahorse? Sure, he's an ugly seahorse.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

What, you thought Sega was going for some kind of style thing by leaving Greendog's face blank? Nope. Just look at the guy in the background. He's clearly wracked with abject horror. Sega simply couldn't render Greendog's ghastly visage without destroying your Genesis, so it made his head appear to be a featureless orb instead. A bit Lovecraftian, if you ask me.

Boogerman's raison d'etre is being generally unpleasant, but that doesn't forgive whatever's going on with that chin of his. You'd think his nose would be his most exaggerated feature, being Boogerman, right? But no - his chin-neck region is front and center, extending down roughly to his bellybutton. More like Tonsil-stoneman.

Marcus Fenix was never meant to be a good-looking guy, but Epic Games may have done its job a little too well. Seriously though, look at all those scars - both physical and emotional. He's lost so much in these endless wars. Hopefully he loses that awful soul patch next.

Woo! I could keep going all day. But I won't - because I want you folks to have something to talk about in the comments! It's definitely not because I ran out of ideas and was kind of stretching on that Greendog one. Definitely not. Anyway, who are some of your favorite ugly characters?

Want more freaky faces? Check out .

When it comes to nerds, comic book fans may be the most quantifying. They keep track of first appearances, costume changes, how many times a character has died and returned. With all that cataloguing of continuity, you’d think a fanboy such as myself would always appreciate when game adaptations recreate every little detail from a comic universe. But sometimes even I think, “Was that really necessary?”

I’m not talking about correctly listing the place where Bruce Wayne’s parents died, or the real name of Kraven the Hunter - Crime Alley and Sergei Kravinoff respectively. No, I mean tiny bits of continuity that 0.01% of players would even notice, or accurate scenes that actually detract from a game’s pacing. As much as it pains my geek sensibilities, maybe we’d have been better off if games had ignored these moments in comic history.

In 1992, the far off year of 2099 felt like a mystical dream world, a future that deserved to have its own wallcrawler. Spider-Man 2099 was the core title of the short-lived 2099 imprint, and its futuristic hero was virtually unseen after the series was cancelled in 1996. Then, in 2010, the cyberpunk Spidey returned as a co-star of Shattered Dimensions, an incredibly comprehensive Spider-Men team-up. And, despite feeling like I’m the only person that read the book back in the day, Shattered Dimensions dedicates a shocking amount of detail to the series' world.

Spider-Man 2099’s stages are full of references to evil corporation Alchemax and the totalitarian police force known as the Public Eye, which add some nice flavor but don’t have much to do with the cross-dimensional plot. Offhand mentions of losers like Goblin 2099 at best got me to say, ‘Huh, oh yeah, I guess that was a thing in that comic,’ and move on. Oddest of all is Spidey 2099’s voice - the developers made the admirable choice of casting each Spider-Man with a voice actor who previously played Peter Parker. Unfortunately, while Dan <(i>Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends) Gilvezan did a fine job, he still sounds like a guy in his late 50s. That adherence to fanservice left 2099 sounding more like a grandpa than a gritty, sci-fi hero.

Aquaman has been a joke to the world at large for years, though DC has been trying for decades to make the Prince of the Seas into a badass. Years before his makeover as Jason Momoa, Aquaman became a grim and bearded malcontent who had his freaking hand eaten by piranhas. That ‘90s reboot is certainly a far cry from talking to dolphins, but it was a bit morose for some fans. Battle for Atlantis would go down as one of the worst things ever put on disc, though it should’ve helped the hook-wearing Aquaman cement his legacy. Though you can’t say it got the character wrong.

The blandly technological Atlantis of the game matches Aquaman’s ‘90s kingdom, right down to the ridiculous underwater cars. Black Manta and Ocean Master are just as lame in the comics as they appear in the game’s inarticulate cutscenes. And boringly floating around as the super-powered merman feels ripped from the page. The developers clearly put a lot of work into properly recreating Aquaman - if only they spent that energy on making the game playable.

The Hulk is at his best when he’s smashing everything in his path, fully embracing the power fantasy that’s made him such a memorable character. His greatest game, Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, understood that, and the 32-bit era Pantheon Saga gets it on a certain level. The green machine certainly breaks a lot of fuzzy-textured boxes, but not before fighting a half-dozen forgotten X-Men wannabes.

The Pantheon is a group of demigods that Hulk went on to lead, and the group includes Iliad characters like Ulysses, Ajax, and Hector - only now they’re boosted by silly sci-fi weaponry. In both the game and the comics, Hulk beats the crap out of them, then goes on to lead The Pantheon. That means the game is choked with Grecian jerks in place of more compelling villains and heroes. Why punch the gamma-irradiated Abomination or team-up with Iron Man when there’s Atalanta and her laser arrows? No wonder the Pantheon hasn’t been seen post-1998.

I miss the Marvel Ultimate Alliance games, because they featured pretty much every notable hero and villain that Marvel ever hosted. DC Comics attempted to do the same with Justice League Heroes, and the one-off could’ve been the start of something grand. Superman, Batman, and the rest came together to stop the ultimate embodiment of evil in Darkseid. The only problem is that Darkseid is backed up by a team of villains that were about seven years out of date.

Beginning in 1995, writer Grant Morrison and artist Howard Porter rebooted the JLA in one of the most epic series ever, but was firmly in the past by Justice League Heroes’ 2006 launch. And yet the game is full of JLA baddies like The Key, Queen Bee, and Prometheus, as opposed to more classic antagonists like Amazo or Despero. Removed from Morrison’s genius writing, guys like The General and the White Martians come off as bland bullet-sponges, no matter how important they once were to JLA’s legacy. The devs should’ve dug further back in their collections.

I don’t think any game before or since works has worked nearly as hard to reflect comic book continuity as Ultimate Spider-Man. The 2006 title doesn’t just share a name with the Marvel comic book. The game shares the same writer (Brian Michael Bendis), Mark Bagley’s distinct artistic style (with added cel-shading flare), and is officially set after the events of Ultimate Spider-Man #71. What a lot of work for Activision’s annual Spider-Man release.

If you were a regular reader, references to the Ultimate versions of classic villains and Bendis’ motormouth dialogue felt right at home. Even though regular readers numbered in the tens of thousands, this major fall release brought the comic to life for millions. But the attempt at continuity was all for naught. Despite advertising that future issues would spin out of the game, it never really happened, and Ultimate Spider-Man’s plot eventually got repurposed and rewritten as a storyline three years later.

The Scribblenauts games have always been intriguing for their ‘summon anything’ approach to puzzle-solving. Want to see if a T-rex can fix a car? Write it down and give it a shot. The child-friendly series certainly has its grown-up fans, but Unmasked's dogged devotion to the DC Comics dictionary may be lost on its intended audience. Virtually every DC character ever can join Scribblenaut’s hero Max on his journey, but how many tykes taking a break from Cartoon Network will notice?

When I first got my hands on the title, I put it to the test and couldn’t believe how many oddballs it includes. Goofs like G’nort and Ambush Bug appear alongside every possible alteration of Superman and Batman - including both pirate and caveman varieties. The most obscure I found had to be Funky Flashman, a rarely seen agent of Darkseid that first appeared in a few little-read 1970s issues as a way to mock Marvel mainstay Stan Lee. I love that the game went above and beyond like that, but that all seems like far too niche a market to chase.

There’s a simple recipe to Wolverine’s endearing popularity: he’s got attitude, he’s an unkillable brawler, and he has claws that can cut anything. But from 1993 to 1999, that last key element of the character was missing following Magneto's forcible removal of the adamantium covering Logan’s bones. For years Wolverine’s sleek metallic blades were replaced with unsightly bones, but that fact was rarely recognized outside comics. Marvel vs. Capcom 2 is the only game that actually bothered to redesign the calcified stabber.

Though Wolvie’s sprite is mostly similar to how he appeared in Capcom’s other fighting games, the devs took care to reanimate the mutant with his current bone claws. And they went farther than that, giving him new attacks and damage properties, including extended reach - I suppose the bones can grow longer without metal? The effort would probably be lost on mainstream fans unaware of the storyline loss of Logan’s signature weapons, and it sadly came too late. Wolverine got back the adamantium in December 1999, while MvC2 premiered in arcades in early 2000.

Even just considering big bads like Lex Luthor, Braniac, and Zod, Superman has some of the crappiest bad guys in comic history. Beyond geeks like Toyman or The Prankster, Clark Kent has run afoul of also-ran misfits like the Underworlders. They’re a pack of freakish experiments gone wrong that live beneath Metropolis, and are about as dangerous to Superman as a marshmallow is to anyone without diabetes. Somehow, those gross idiots ended up in the Kryptonian’s best game, The Death and Return of Superman.

Unfortunately, being Superman’s greatest game still means that it’s a kinda bad beat ‘em up. The stages follow the comics of the same name chapter for chapter, including an opening where Supes beats the stuffing out of the Underworlders without breaking a sweat. Were it me, I’d have skipped straight to Doomsday demolishing the Justice League, but apparently the disposable Superman: Man of Steel #18 is worthy of its own stage in a Final Fight clone. Admittedly, the weirdoes are adequately punchable fodder, but why even waste time raiding their underground lair? Let’s hurry it up and kill Superman already!

Those are the games that strive too hard for accuracy, but I'm sure some of my fellow nerds are ready to chime in with 'Actually, in this issue of Spider-Man...' And I welcome that discussion, so share all your factoids in the comments!

But if you’d still can’t get enough fanboys, be sure to check out

Quick, your loved one of indeterminate status is in trouble, and you must save them from the clutches of a dastardly villain! You struggle against the odds and through valiant and bloody effort you achieve victory. Finally, you get to hear your loved one say, "Congratulations hero, what took you so long? If I'd known I was gonna be here this long I would've brought a crossword!" Wait, no, that doesn't seem right…

Don't worry, that dizzying bout of cognitive dissonance isn't just you. While games have had the [blank]-in-distress plotline on lockdown since Jumpman first rescued Pauline from not-King-Kong, sometimes a wrench gets thrown in the works that makes you feel disinclined to rescue the focus of your efforts. I don't mean independent folks who didn't really need rescuing please leave me alone now either - I'm talking characters who desperately need and/or straight up ask for assistance and then make you instantly regret your decision to help them. Need an example? Already have one in mind? Is it one of X characters I have listed in the slides beyond? Why don't we find out?

I can cut Rinoa some slack over having to be saved early in the FFVIII storyline, when she basically ruins your assassination attempt by getting herself mind-controlled. She was at least trying to help, right? I don't mind saving her from falling off Garden either, because it's not like she asked for the floor to collapse. But then I get irritated when I have to find out how to save her from some damn coma, and then… space? Space? I have to rescue her from freaking SPACE?

Seriously, even if you get past Rinoa's and still like her as a character, the amount of times you have to come to her rescue makes the effort feel futile. Yeah, I saved her from electrocuting herself on an open power panel, but then she's walking in the path of a moving train, or falling down a manhole, or getting attacked by killer bees. She does admittedly get a moment of redemption when she saves Squall from a giant spoiler, so maybe they're just goddamn perfect for each other and I need aspirin right this second.

Somewhere between lighting nasty not-zombies on fire and trudging through gallons of misplaced viscera in The Evil Within, I was vaguely aware that I should be trying to rescue this kid named Leslie. He's the only patient to make it out of Beacon Mental Hospital, so he's plot-critical, and he's a defenseless kid running around a carnival of madness and so, so much blood. You honestly feel bad for him at first and want to make sure he's okay, because seriously a man in an iron mask with a bloody tank top and a cleaver just ran by dear God.

Your sympathy is pretty quickly tested though when you realize two things: Leslie does perfectly fine on his own, and you always get screwed over when you try to protect him. You can only watch this kid squeal away into the darkness, leaving you trapped behind a wall of monsters so many times before he starts to get on your nerves. Since his innocence and vulnerability is the only reason you're given to care about him, any attachment you might have quickly disintegrates when he leaves you locked in a room with Boxman HOLY FREAKING SLDKJFKLDS.

Ruto deserves props for fitting that much moxie in one tiny body. When Link makes his way into the cavernous belly of pampered fish god Jabu-Jabu to rescue her at her father's request, she makes it clear that she doesn't want to be saved. I can respect that kind of independence - until ten seconds later, when she's totally interested in letting you save her. And you're gonna have to work for it by carrying her around like the world's smallest and luckiest palanquin team. Aren't you grateful? Aren't you?

What makes saving Ruto so teeth-crackingly annoying isn't the act itself ('save princesses' is right before 'buy milk' on Link's chore list), it's how spoilt she is about the whole thing. If you ever put her down, she tells you to be a man and take responsibility for her well-being. But then she'll command you to do things that put her in peril and continues to be a diva when you're forced to save her. Turns out this is a sign that she's crushing on you and isn't mature enough to express herself better, but you know what? She probably has cooties, so there.

If you're a Star Fox 64 fan, you may remember Slippy Toad from the constant screech of "Whoooa, help me!" that echoes through the darkness of your nightmares. As the 'adorable' screw-up amongst the Star Critter crew, Slippy has a nasty habit of having a bogey on his tail 99% of the time, and he never seems to be able to handle it on his own. You can only hear him thank you for saving him so many times before your dentist has to prescribe you anti-grind jaw braces.

While Slippy certainly has the drive to be a badass Arwing marksman, there's no accounting for raw skill, which he distinctly lacks. That ends with a lot of crying to Fox and the rest of the team for help, all while they're kinda busy at the moment not getting blown up by the exact same enemies. It wouldn't even be a big deal if you only had to bail him out a few times (Falco and Peppy certainly don't have perfect records), but the fact is that it happens all the damn time and he never learns! When even your own teammates are loudly pointing out that suck at your job, you know there's a problem.

If Sonic '06 had blessedly failed to exist and Princess Elise appeared in some mediocre but hedgehog-less JRPG, she might've been bearable. Her entire personality could be boiled down to 'girl who doesn't cry because magic', but at least every moment she's on screen wouldn't get you one step closer to zoophilic snogging. But sadly, Sonic '06 happened, the Sonic/Elise romance is as real as it is , and every moment we have to spend saving Elise feels like pure torture.

Credit where credit is due, she's at least grateful to her knight in shining quills, so she won't have you snapping your controller in hatred over her snobbishness. But still, her tendency to get kidnapped by the same guy over and over again to goad the plot along gets old pretty much instantly. Plus, every time you sigh deeply and re-rescue her, your reward is watching a cutesy love scene between her and Sonic, each more vomit-inducing than the last. Okay Eggman, you can have her as long as I don't have to watch things get bestial. Please. Please.

If you're like me, the words, "Hey cousin!" make you immediately crush anything you happen to be holding (which explains the coffee burns) as The Dark Times flash through your mind. That's not just because Roman has an annoying desire for constant family time either, but because he needs to be saved from himself way too freaking often. Spending all his money on back alley poker tables is a sign of a gambling problem. Gambling away so much than his cousin has to repeatedly save him from brass-knuckled goons is a sign of something way worse.

Perhaps more than anyone else on this list, going to Roman's rescue is annoying as hell because the trouble is his own fault and, unlike Ruto, he's a goddamn adult. From the moment he sets foot on American soil, Niko has to start rescuing Roman from gang members trying to aerate his guts, and it just gets worse as time goes on. He even has to bail Roman out of gambling trouble with one mob while they're on the run from a different mob. And yeah, maybe Niko gets him into some trouble too, but you know what? Screw you cousin! I love you and I want to smack you.

You know that cranky dad character who shows up in way too many lives movies, who's impossible to please despite every effort to break through his shell of cigar smoke and disappointment? The Council in Mass Effect is a bit like that, except there's no silent nod of acknowledgement before the credits roll to show that you dun good, kid. Thwarting the plans of a planet-hopping psychopath? Keeping giant cuttlefish robots from murdering every organic being in the known galaxy? Saving their asses after they refused to listen to a single thing you said? Yeah, fine, but you could've done it better.

Even when you go so Paragon you make Mother Teresa look stingy, the Council is intent on nitpicking everything you do and pointing out that you did something wrong, however minuscule it may be. Their attitude is so infuriating that when the time comes to choose between saving them from the Reapers and letting them die, you kind of want to go with the latter just because they're assholes and you hate them. It's almost like BioWare did that on purpose or something.

Those are the most annoying, useless, aggravating game characters you'd rather leave for dead than rescue. Which of these characters do you hate the most? Did I miss someone incredibly, egregiously awful? Can you even think about those questions through the headache these characters have probably caused you? Tell me in the comments below, then maybe go have a lie down.

Want to hear about some bearable characters after all that frustration? Check out .

Kart racers endure as one of gaming's purest, most enjoyable genres. As developers continue to push the envelope with convoluted plotlines and complex mechanics, kart racers remain focused on one thing: fun. They're the sort of game your parents, siblings, and best friends can sit down and play together, and everyone will have a good time.

For years, Nintendo's Mario Kart series has led the pack in the kart racing genre. But if you've only ever raced as the iconic plumber or one of his friends, then you're missing out on some incredible karting beyond the confines of the Mushroom Kingdom. Here are the top picks for the kart racers that can go toe-to-toe with the mighty Mario any day of the week. Break one of these out the next time you have guests over, and you won't be disappointed.

does for kart racers what Little Big Planet did for platformers. Almost every aspect of this game is customizable - including the tracks, racers, and vehicles - and all of these creations can be shared online. This means if you've ever wanted to see Colonel Sanders, Mr. Monopoly, and the Powerpuff Girls duke it out on the racetrack (and why wouldn't you?), then you've come to the right place.

All this creativity would be for naught, however, if the karting itself wasn't up to par. Thankfully, Racers successfully captures the basics of kart racing with fluid controls mixed with copious amounts of boost pads and drifting. There are plenty of destructive items to collect, and items can be leveled up to increase their power. ModNation Racers has a lot going for it, and the bevvy of user-generated content means you'll never hurt for something new.

Funnily enough, Konami beat Nintendo at its own game. That is to say, Konami Krazy Racers crossed the finish line before Mario Kart: Super Circuit as the first Game Boy Advance kart racer. And even though Konami doesn't have a storied history of crafting stellar racing games, Krazy Racers ain't half bad. While the gameplay mimics Mario Kart pretty closely, what really sets this GBA oddity apart is its roster of racers.

It's safe to say that no other racing game lets you chuck items and powerslide as that most famous of mystical ninjas, Goemon. For whatever reason, Dracula and Gray Fox are the picks from Castlevania and Metal Gear, rather than the obvious Simon Belmont or Snake. And then there are the racers who most Western gamers can't even name, like cutesy inclusions from Japan-centric series such as Pop'N Music, MLB Power Pros, and Parodius. But even if you don't know who the hell you picked, after a few laps around the track, you'll learn to love them.

Look around online at people's lists of "Favorite kart racers of all time" and you'll find Crash Team Racing pops up more often than not. A solid game all around, CTR demands a bit more skill from players than what is required in, say, the Mario Kart series. The power slide, which is basically drifting, has an added mechanic where players must tap one of the shoulder buttons at the correct time to pick up mini-boosts while sliding.

As many critics have noted, CTR is an excellent Mario Kart clone, and there's nothing wrong with that. The game has well-designed tracks, a wide variety of weapons, and handles as well as the best of 'em. It also packs an extensive number of modes to keep you busy, whether you're playing alone or with friends. While it certainly doesn't break new ground for the kart racing genre, CTR shows that Nintendo's secret formula can be cracked, and an amazing kart racer can be made outside of Japan.

Diddy Kong Racing deserves better. Released in 1997, this game takes the fundamentals of Mario Kart and smartly expands upon them in some interesting ways. Most notable are the vehicles. While Sonic All-Stars Racing Transformed has racers switching between three different vehicle types mid-race, DKR has three different vehicles types racing simultaneously. That's right: a plane, kart, and hovercraft can all compete head-to-head on the same track, and the interplay between them helps make this game feel unique.

Items are also a big part of Diddy Kong Racing, as they are in most kart racers, but they too come with an interesting twist. In the game, there are five different types of item boxes - or rather, balloons - each with a unique color and type of item. By collecting balloons of the same color, items can be leveled up to become more powerful. For example, an oil slick can become a land mine or a rocket can become a homing rocket, if you're patient. Diddy Kong Racing received a remake on the DS in 2007, but this version is ultimately inferior due in part to its wholly unnecessary touch controls.

Speed Punks (or Speed Freaks, as it's known in Europe) is a stellar kart racer that hails from the unlikeliest of places: Ireland. Made by the team at Funcom Dublin, it's pressed-to-disc proof that great kart racing doesn't hinge on iconic characters or recognizable track themes - it all comes down to the racing itself. Speed Punks outshines Crash Team Racing as the greatest karter on PS1, with super-colorful locales, tight handling, and a wonderful sensation of speed as you zip around the courses.

The choice of weaponry found in floating item boxes is also a little more varied, since you can actually shoot at competitors with machine gun bullets, or gum up their tires with a pool of icky slime. Speed Punks also utilizes a system very similar to Mario Kart 7's acceleration-boosting coins, albeit over a decade earlier. You probably missed it due to its relatively late appearance in the PS1's lifespan , but if you ever get the chance, you should absolutely take Speed Punks for a spin.

is a noble experiment on the part of developer Bizarre Creations. The goal: to merge real-life race cars and locations with kart-racing mechanics. Prior to Blur's release, the developer was known for its Project Gotham Racing and Geometry Wars series, so designing a game that took the realistic race style of the former and mixed it with some of the arcade action of the latter seemed like a natural fit.

The two styles end up blending together better than expected. Seeing a Dodge Viper and Ford GT lob energy missiles at each other is little strange at first, but the explosive action and tight handling won it a lot of praise with consumers and critics alike. However, such praise fell upon deaf ears, as poor sales drove Blur into an early grave. A sequel was planned, , but was later canned after Bizarre Creations shut down in 2011. For shame!

It took Sega a long time to develop a true competitor to Nintendo's Mario Kart franchise, but in 2012, it finally did it with . While its predecessor, 2010's Sonic Sega All-Stars Racing, nailed the karting basics of tight controls, fun weapons, and a diverse roster, Transformed gave the series an identity all its own with the transformation mechanics.

Transformations are at the very heart of this game. As you run laps around the track, the course itself will shift and change. Certain sections may be flooded, or drop off into a bottomless pit. To accommodate, your vehicles transform between a race car, boat, and airplane. Each handles a bit differently, and jumping between them mid-race helps mix up the action. And for you die-hard Sega fans out there, Transformed is loaded with callbacks to the developer's classics, including Ryo Hazuki, who can cruise around on a Shenmue motorcycle or an OutRun arcade cabinet turned go-kart. How awesome is that?

There are plenty more kart racers out there that didn't make it into victory lane this time around. Which one is your favorite, and why? Let us know in the comments below, and help spread the word about these under-appreciated gems that will forever live in the shadow of a fat plumber and his bright red go-kart.

And for more high-speed fun on GR+ look up .

The first few months of the year are notorious for scant game releases - the holiday season is behind us, and summer blockbusters feel all too far away. But rest assured, 2015 is going to be a huge year for video games. PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and Wii U all have new games in cornerstone series on the way, and third-party developers are nearly finished with some of their biggest projects to date. For proof, just look at the impressive list of incoming . But what about the here and now?

February didn't exactly make waves, and when the hype trains for finally arrived at the station, they weren't quite the seminal AAA titles some of us might've been hoping for. But never fear - not a month goes by without some awesome games coming out that are well worth your time and money. Let's take a look at the winner and runner-up for the best games of February, shall we?

If you've yet to succumb to monster hunting fever, you might wonder what all the fuss is about. Plenty of games let you battle vicious beasties and craft fancy gear - but few can develop the kind of player investment and cooperative dedication typical of Monster Hunter. For the uninitiated, is a great way to educate yourself on its gloriously addictive ways. Not just because it's the most beginner-friendly entry in Capcom's hit series - it's also the best Monster Hunter game yet.

Gathering materials and killing harmless herbivores is really just a build-up to something greater: downing fearsome creatures after incredibly demanding battles that require true mastery of your chosen weapon. Series vets are already familiar with MH's captivating gameplay loop of fighting and looting, but the new Charge Blade and Insect Glaive playstyles offer entirely unique ways to test your prowess. If you're looking to start or join a dedicated hunting party - preferably with an expert as your guide - Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate offers the kind of adventure that can hook you for hundreds of hours.

Majora's Mask is... well, it's a bit weird. Instead of following the familiar formula that Zelda games have stuck to for years, Majora's Mask asks that you play the same three days over and over again, trying to make the world a little bit brighter each time. It's certainly strange, and more than a little stressful - but taking the time to learn its rhythm opens up one of the most intriguing and creative Legend of Zelda games ever made. Perhaps that's why, 15 years and a 3DS port later, it feels even better than ever.

Much of that feeling is thanks to the improvements found in this portable version of the N64 classic. The updated Bomber's Notebook makes tracking numerous sidequests a painless process, boss design has been retooled to make things teresting, and additional save points help make portable adventuring much more palatable. Plus, New 3DS owners even have some improved camera control with the C-Stick. Whether this is your first time playing through those ominous 72 hours or your hundredth, is a master quest that stands the test of time.

Grim Fandango is, without a doubt, one of the most unique video games ever made. The quest of an undead travel agent as he attempts to atone for his sins is a love letter to film noir greats like Casablanca and The Maltese Falcon, but it also transcends its influences to be something truly original. And with , you'll finally get to play this lost classic on your PlayStation 4, complete with (some) updated graphics and a fantastic re-recording of the original score.

Grim Fandango is also one of the most uniquely frustrating games ever made, and the Remastered edition only serves to highlight its many game-ruining bugs. Whether it's glitching out a puzzle, clipping you through a wall, or just flat out crashing, Grim Fandango Remastered actually seems buggier now than it did 17 years ago. Make no mistake: Manny's journey is still definitely one worth revisiting - just remember to save your game. Often.

sounds kinda ridiculous at first - it's literally a remastered HD version of a rebuilt SD version of the original Resident Evil. Turns out the joke's on us, though, because that's all we really needed to enjoy the survival horror staple all over again: the HD Remake gives all the main characters and the Spencer Mansion an enticing facelift but keeps the little quirks that make Resident Evil awesome/a total headache/undeniably unique.

You'll still need to manage eight (at most) inventory slots, and you'll still need to keep your distance from downed zombies - or preferably burn them on the spot. The most major change is the new default control scheme, which makes it handle more like a modern fixed-camera game, but you're free to select the old 'tank' controls if you want. With modern conveniences where it needs them and good old weirdness where it doesn't, Resident Evil HD Remake is a near masterpiece… of unlocking.

Those are the first few games that made their mark in 2015, but they won't be the last. Stay tuned to this page to see what will are the best games for every month this year. Only time will tell!

For formation on 2015's releases, be sure to check out our list of the .

When you have your own Twitter parody account, that's when you know you've made it in this industry. Forget all the awards and accolades and years of backbreaking work. When your persona has been refined to the point where someone else can mold it into a twisted parody of itself - that's the true measure of success. Or at the very least, it'll do wonders for your ego.

The video game industry is not without its share of celebrities, and some of these celebrities have very, very dedicated fans. I'm talking people who are willing to, day in and day out, drum up new material to fuel their parody Twitter accounts, which skewer some of gaming's biggest characters (and caricatures). Here are 10 of the best that are still going strong today.

The REAL Peter Molyneux: is a veteran game developer with an extensive track record that includes such games as Fable, Black White, and Populous. He currently works at 22Cans developing the Kickstarter-funded Godus. Recently, Molydeux has come under fire for not delivering on promises made regarding Godus, which has become something of a habit.

The FAKE Peter Molyneux: is a video game visionary who cranks out outlandish game ideas on a regular basis. For example, "Imagine a FPS where your hair can overgrow and obstruct your view?" See what I mean? It's actually not too different from the real Molyneux. Molydeux is also the inspiration for , a 48-hour game jam whose entries are inspired by those same tweets.

The REAL Polygon: is a video game and entertainment website founded back in 2012 as part of Vox Media. Before launching, the site gained a lot of notoriety for bringing in several big-wig video game writers from various outlets. There was even .

The FAKE Polygon: is a satirical news feed that lampoons video games, the people who make them, the media, YouTube personalities, and damn near everything else in between. As its profile notes, any "resemblance to journalism is accidental." Right now they are knee-deep in skewering The Order: 1886, complete with mock headlines and developer quotes.

The REAL Kazuo Hirai: is the President and CEO of Sony Corporation. He has dedicated his professional career to Sony, starting in the early '80s when he joined the marketing department of Sony's music division in Japan. However, most people will likely recognize him as the "It's Ridge Racer!" guy from Sony's E3 2006 press conference.

The FAKE Kazuo Hirai: is a megalomaniacal, equal-opportunity hater who excels at pointing out the faults of Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo, and anyone else who catches his eye. It's not uncommon for his insults to circle back on themselves and burn everyone involved: "Microsoft are so desperate to emulate the PS4′s success that they are copying everything we do, which is why XBOX LIVE is also down."

The REAL optimistic indie: doesn't exist. This is for two reasons: one, this parody account isn't parodying any one person, but rather a type of personality. And two, there's no such thing as an optimistic independent game developer. Are you kidding me? Making video games is nightmarishly hard work. They don't have time to be happy.

The FAKE optimistic indie: is full of really helpful advice for up-and-coming developers. His own game(s) may never get finished and his hairbrained marketing strategies never seem to work out, but by-golly he's at least got a sunny attitude. And an empty bank account.

The REAL Moms Against Gaming: isn't a real thing, however I think we can all think of a few organizations out there that are all-too-similar to this fictitious group. You know the ones, ready to expound upon the evils of gaming and the mind-warping, homicide-inducing damage they're inflicting on the youth. Just like comic books, rock and roll, and Dane Cook.

The FAKE Moms Against Gaming: is fighting the good fight against the many evils of video games. And they're ready to back up their claims with as many made up facts and figures as they can muster. In a more recent tirade, MAG pointed out how Majora's Mask teaches our children to fear the moon: "By saying the moon is bad, the creators of legend of Zelda are forcing our kids to avoid parties and late night social events for gaming."

The REAL Jim Ross: is a long-time wrestling commentator and a member of the WWE Hall of Fame. His energetic, excitable commentary style has earned him the unofficial title of 'Voice of the WWE'. He also has his own line of barbecue sauce. Sauce it!

The FAKE Jim Ross: is where the worlds of professional wrestling, fighting games, and (on occasion) Pokemon collide. This bizarre mashup takes Ross' signature, over-the-top commentating style and applies to whatever fighting game tournament is happening on that particular weekend. He'll also pull the reverse and mix the FGC into the latest . In both cases, someone always gets BROKEN IN HALF. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

The REAL Samus Aran: is the well-known star of Nintendo's Metroid series. Despite starting her life as an awesome, 200-pound space marine, she was later retconned into a supermodel with rocket boots that are totally not high heels. Her most recent outing was the extremely unfortunate Metroid: Other M, where she constantly acted like she didn't understand what was happening.

The FAKE Samus Aran: is a hard-drinking bounty hunter with an on-again/off-again rivalry with Princess Zelda and is the closest thing I'll get to Twitter fanfiction on this list. She's also extremely bitter about the lack of Metroid games on the horizon, and isn't afraid to go on a stream-of-consciousness rant about it. Proceed with caution.

The REAL legendary engram: isn't a person, it's a thing. Specifically, it's the legendary version of an engram, a special type of loot found in Destiny that must be decrypted in order to find out what it does. The Destinypedia claims they "may contain a legendary item, an exotic item, or Ascendant Materials" but as most players have discovered they typically contain "crap you don't want."

The FAKE legendary engram: is here to remind you how badly these items love to troll Destiny players. The typical tweet will be something like, 'Spent 8 hours finishing a raid? Here's a crappy level 18 hand cannon for your trouble.' However, the real culprit here is Destiny's loot-generating algorithm, which always seems to reward the players who aren't you.

The REAL Fork Parker: is also the fake Fork Parker. That is to say, there is only one Fork Parker, and he is an imaginary character featured in a smattering of Serious Sam games. He is depicted as the CFO of publisher Devolver Digital, though one would assume there is a real CFO of Devolver out there who doesn't look like Colonel Sanders.

The FAKE Fork Parker: loves taking advantage of ignorant, independent game developers and making lots of money. He is also full of random non-sequiturs and doesn't care what you think unless what you think is how you need to buy more Devolver Digital games.

The REAL David Cage: is the founder of Quantic Dream, the studio behind such games as Heavy Rain and Beyond: Two Souls. It should also be noted that, before he did all that, Cage directed 1999's Omikron: The Nomad Soul, which features David Bowie and is totally rad. His games focus heavily on narrative, and Cage has often expressed that games can "do more" than how they're currently used.

The FAKE David Cage: can be summarized with a single tweet: "I believe the Devil May Cry fails its name when it places an emphasis on combo action over emotion." He takes the artistic medium of electronic gaming very seriously, always placing narrative above all else. He's also full of big ideas, not unlike a certain other European developer on this list...

Before we wrap up, I just want to give a quick Honorable Mention to . This 687-tweet epic retells the timeless story of Final Fantasy 7 with the assumption that all of the characters were completely high all the time. The attention to detail is really quite impressive. If you've got a parody account you enjoy, be sure to let us know in the comments below, and help fill out your fellow reader's Twitter feeds.

And for more great features on GR+ look up .

As PBS series Antiques Roadshow has taught me, the world of collectibles is a volatile one. You may have a priceless, one-of-kind game sitting on your shelf right now. Then again, it’s just as likely something you think is rare has become all too common in this increasingly digital world. In my many years as a gamer, I’ve seen a number of titles go from hard-to-find to ubiquitous.

GamesRadar has already explored the world of valuable . Now’s the time to explore what happens when a previously unavailable game go back on sale. Did their prices drop on eBay? Did the public give these rare games a new chance? Read on...

Back in the mid-’90s, owning Chrono Trigger was your key to instant gamer cred. The SNES time travelling RPG was an early darling of the online gaming press, but its late release on the console was overshadowed by the PlayStation and Saturn. Though easy to find at launch, the limited number of copies meant that a couple years later it was fetching at least $80 for the cartridge on eBay, and the cultish popularity seemed to doom it to never see rerelease.

Collectible prices on an English language version kept increasing until 2001, when North America finally got the PSone remake. Some shabby load times and other tech hiccups kept it from being perfect, which still kept the SNES version in demand. The DS remake finally did the port job correctly, even if . Currently, the DS version is pretty easy to come by, while a boxed SNES edition can go for up to $200 on eBay. Much like a classic car, it seems people want to stick with the original.

Earthbound (Mother 2 in Japan) has a similar case to Chrono Trigger, only its publisher let it grow even more obscure. After the prequel almost saw release stateside, EarthBound got a massive promotional push from Nintendo back in 1995. The game’s massive box, odd advertising, and off kilter writing and visuals made it stand out from the pack, but also virtually guaranteed it to fail commercially. Despite the hard work of Nintendo of America, the sales were poor, meaning a relatively small number of copies were available from resellers.

Earthbound received both a remake and a sequel in Japan, and its characters have made multiple appearances in the Smash Bros. series, but the game itself remained hard to get ahold of. The prices for the SNES version climbed and climbed on eBay as the Wii’s Virtual Console made a habit of selling seemingly every classic Nintendo game except for EarthBound. In 2013, nearly 20 years after its initial release, Nintendo FINALLY put EarthBound on the Wii U’s eShop, to the pleasure of a very vocal minority. Now millions can legitimately experience the game, though that hasn’t hurt the price of the original cart, which, even without the box, sells for at least $150.

Metroid Prime does the impossible by artfully translating the series’ iconic exploration into a first-person adventure game. The series of games are some of the best stuff the GameCube ever saw, and the third entry works amazingly with the Wii’s motion controls. Remaking the first two releases for said waggly inputs and packaging them as a trilogy sounds like goldmine, but Metroid Prime Trilogy instead became one of the Wii’s most elusive titles.

Within months of the 2009 launch, Metroid Prime Trilogy became hard to find, often fetching close to $100 second-hand. Some conspiracy theorists believed Nintendo wanted Prime off the market to put the spotlight on Metroid: Other M, but whatever the reason, the trilogy became the most desired Wii game around. More than five years later, Nintendo pleasantly surprised fans by putting the trilogy on the Wii U eShop, even charging as low as $10 for it in the first week. Though the physical release still has some value, I feel bad for anyone who splurged on getting the original edition a month earlier.

Based on this list you’d think Nintendo has a thing for making some of its games really hard to find. Xenoblade is an extra-strange case, because it seemed like it would never come to the United States, even though it should have. After critical success in Japan, Xenoblade got a full localization by Nintendo of Europe, while the US branch seemingly ignored the JRPG. When it finally came to the US a year after its EU launch, Xenoblade arrived in limited quantities that were sold exclusively at GameStop. Obviously it soon became a real collector’s item.

Though remarkably common in Europe and Japan, American Wii owners were paying a pretty penny for the RPG to resellers, GameStop included. The game became available once again in the US, when GameStop suddenly had an influx of used Xenoblade copies it sold for $90. , saying ‘Stop received new copies and instead chose to mark them up as used, and the outcry pretty much calmed down once that limited stock vanished. Now the game will see a full remake on the New 3DS, and most shocking of all, it’s coming out at basically the same time worldwide.

This game was once the perfect recipe for an expensive collectible. Radiant Silvergun is a Japan-only release that had critical acclaim as the best Saturn game you’d never be able to play, which made Sega fans more rabid than ever. Plus, the title was developed by Treasure, a company known for avoiding sequels and remakes, and it’s for Saturn, a system that was once notoriously difficult to port from. No wonder the game went for more than $300 on eBay at the time.

The 2000s saw Treasure not only relax its stance on never wanting to do remakes, as Saturn ports became increasingly common on the 360 and PS3. Still, Radiant Silvergun was a holdout on the list of remakes until 2011. When it finally arrived, players worldwide could finally get a taste of its particular brand of bullet hell, perhaps coming to the same con conclusion I did: Ikaruga did it better. Regardless, the import version of the Saturn original still commands $200 on eBay, though maybe that’ll go up if Radiant Silvergun’s digital version never shows up as a current generation download.

Fans have been begging for an HD remake of Final Fantasy 7 for years, and it wasn’t that long ago those same people had trouble getting their hands on any version of the game. FF7 was a major early hit for the PSone, and the first Japanese RPG to truly go mainstream with western gamers. Despite sales in the millions and multiple print runs, Final Fantasy 7 was actually a difficult game to find during the PS2 era.

Whether you blame Square-Enix not keeping the game in-print, or collectors not parting with their copies, FF7 commanded a fairly high price once - especially if the game wasn’t in ‘Greatest Hits’ packaging. By 2009, after a handful of FF7 spin-offs suggested the first game was left in the past, the original version of the three-disc adventure came to PSN, making the game finally playable on PS3 and PSP. An HD-ish port is planned for the PS4 soon, and in the meantime, the PSone retail copies are now in the $60 range. Imagine what those would go for if an actual remake happened?

Every other game on this list has its share of fans, whether those diehards number in the thousands or even just the hundreds. Meanwhile, this 1994 biblical tribute is more of an infamous industry footnote. Super Noah’s Ark 3D reskins Wolfenstein 3D - seriously, even the map is the same - making the Nazi shooter into a game about tranquilizing goats. And it’s the only unauthorized game that legally works on the SNES, thanks to the odd bypass of plugging another SNES cart on top of Noah. How in the heck (don’t want to offend Noah) does this game even exist?

Like most of publisher Wisdom Tree’s games, Super Noah’s Ark 3D didn’t reach a large audience, but it later on became a prize for collectors of sheer oddities. Then, in 2014, the game resurfaced, not just as a legitimate PC download, but in a brand new run of that are still available for purchase. This new lease on life is just the type of miraculous resurrection one expects from the creators of Jesus in Space (a very real game, honest).

Monkey Paw Games is the MVP of this list, because giving new life to forgotten PSone games is pretty much why the company was founded. This small-scale publisher has been banging out PSN ports of games no one else cares to make available, re-furnishing the world with the likes of Tomba!, Alundra, and Vanguard Bandits along the way. But getting Arc the Lad out digitally may be the group's greatest triumph.

The Arc the Lad games began in 1995 in Japan, but didn’t see release in the US until all the games were bundled together as a collection in 2002. The series wasn’t only among the last major PSone titles, but also one of the final releases of niche publisher Working Designs. All those factors meant the game would be in short supply and high demand, so the collection’s rare, fancy box set and extras still command a high price on eBay. Fortunately for those of us on a budget, Monkey Paw finally expanded Arc’s potential audience by porting all three games to PSN in 2011.

Those are some previously super rare games that the less dedicated, more thrifty can finally get their hands on, but I’m sure you gentle readers can think of a few I forgot. If so, please tell me all about them in the comments!

Want some more rarities? Check out .

Mario's adventures are full of whimsy, but they wouldn't be half as fun if they didn't hew to a consistent set of physics. After all, jumping around with precision and speed requires a degree of confidence in Mario's ability to adhere to the rules of gravity. That said, though, dealing with physics is kind of an all or nothing deal.

And the Mushroom Kingdom is full of so many seemingly unanswerable questions (discounting the , anyway). Why does eating a mushroom make Mario grow so big? Why do creatures eaten by Yoshi turn into eggs? Why can Peach glide through the air with no apparent propulsion system? It turns out there's a perfectly logical, scientific explanation for each of them. Let's read and find out!

Toad render by

Mario is a master of aerial acrobatics, but his 'ground pound' ability can't be explained through leg strength and coordination. Far beyond simply altering his trajectory mid-flight, Mario can outright cancel all of his momentum with a 360-degree aerial flip, then send himself plummeting keister-first toward the ground. How on earth does he do that? Well, let's just say there's a reason that he's such a big fan of whole-grain pasta.

First he lifts his legs, angling his rear-end to oppose his current velocity. Then he begins a near-imperceptible series of micro-flatulations that arrest his forward momentum within a split second. The tiny farts send Mario somersaulting through the air, ended by a final tremendous emission, which also speeds his descent to the ground below. It's gross, but you gotta do what you gotta do to clear Bowser's endless death traps You didn't think he kicked up all that dust just from falling, did you?

Peach isn't the first person to imagine that a fancy dress could work like a frilly pink parachute, but she is one of the few to pull it off. Actually, her system works even better than a parachute. Instead of just slowing her fall, Peach can actually float in the air for several seconds, with the remarkable ability to move back and forth at will. It may seem like magical princess stuff, but it's actually quite technical.

You see, Peach's petticoat is lined with thousands and thousands of molecular-scale lift-generating structures. These nanomachines essentially function like a battalion of little plane wings. By the time she appears in Super Smash Bros Melee, in which pervy players quickly discovered she battles sans-slip, the technology was miniaturized even further, to the point where it could be directly applied to the surface of her legs. As for the parasol, have you ever tried to carry one in a strong breeze? It works like a parasol.

If you want to grow up big and strong, you'd better eat your vegetables. Lots of vegetables, for years. Mario, on the other hand, just needs to consume a single mushroom. How can one Mushroom (oversized though it may be) possibly lend him that much extra mass? Simple: it doesn't. It just creates a thin, symbiotic system of fibers that let his body inflate to twice its normal size without grotesque distortion.

When he runs into an enemy or is otherwise injured, the shock ruptures embiggened Mario's skin. The inert gas, which keeps his frame appearing plump and healthy, rushes out of the wound, producing a distinct sound and causing Mario to shrink back to his normal size. It happens in a heartbeat, but they say if you pause the game at just the right time you can see a horrid, deflating Mario stuck between his two forms…

How do Yoshis reproduce when their egg-laying mechanism also functions as a form of waste disposal? It's actually much simpler than you might think. Both the reproductive and digestive behaviors for a Yoshi begin in the exact same way: they find a victim and slurp it up. If the Yoshi isn't in heat, its powerful stomach acid quickly dissolves its prey into a nutritious slurry. The material which isn't digested is reshaped into an eggshell and expressed from the rectum.

However, while the Yoshi is in heat, its stomach acid is suppressed. In this way it can keep the victim deep in its primordial gut for several months, breaking it down and reshaping it into the deformed polyp commonly referred to as a Baby Yoshi. Once the metamorphosis is complete, the Baby Yoshi is expelled from the adult within a colorful spotted shell, from which it will hatch within a few days. Isn't nature beautiful?

In most of his adventures, Mario demonstrates the ability to remain underwater for a seemingly unlimited amount of time (or at least as long as the level timer lasts). As you may be aware, normal humans - even humans who can jump really high and have worn the same pair of denim overalls for the last 30-some years - need to breathe regularly to stave off the icy grip of death. It turns out Mario's mysterious ability to remain submerged for extended periods comes from his mustache.

Much like the concept for the Triton rebreather device, Mario's mustache uses the surface area of each individual follicle to filter out the small amounts of oxygen that can be found in most bodies of water. This oxygen is funneled up into his nose, allowing him to inhale and exhale normally. The same goes for Luigi and all other mustachioed plumbers (never know when you'll need to do some wetwork) but why didn't it work in Super Mario 64? Look at his mustache - it's just a flat texture on top of his face. Not enough surface area.

Have you ever jumped on a turtle? God, I hope not. Turtles are so cute! Alright, let me back up. Let's imagine what happens when you jump on a turtle - either the shell holds up and you fall over and feel like a real asshole, or the shell cracks and you get turtle guts on your shoes and you feel like a real asshole. In neither of these scenarios is the turtle ejected from its shell. So why does it happen when Mario hops on a Koopa Troopa, which is ostensibly a humanoid turtle?

Duh, they're not actually turtles. Koopa Troopas and their shells are actually two separate organisms, the latter of which is not at all pleased to be worn by a creepy lizard guy in a sweat-stained tank top. When Mario smacks a Koopa, the shell takes advantage of the brief shock to pop off, and it secretes an oily substance from all of its orifices to make it more difficult for the Koopa to grab. Mario's wearing specially engineered gloves, so he has no problem picking it up and using its near-frictionless surface for some Koopa bowling.

At first you might think that the Mushroom Kingdom has a somewhat tenuous grasp on the concept of capitalism. Traditionally, money is exchanged between individuals for goods and services, whereas in the Mushroom Kingdom method, it's simply left hanging in mid-air or collected in question-mark stamped blocks. With all these coins hanging around the place, what value could they possibly still have for Mario? Well, as it turns out, all that cloning gets kinda expensive...

...you did know that Mario has thousands of clones, right? Or more accurately had thousands of clones, since all but a few of them are impaled on spikes, burnt up in lava lakes, being digested in the bellies of giant fish, or still falling down bottomless pits. Fortunately, Mario's always just a 100-coin payment away from a fresh new him, ready to live, adventure, and (most importantly) collect more coins. The Mario cloning industry is the economic center of the Mushroom Kingdom, supporting nearly all of its residents and allowing its nobility to live in grand castles and bake fancy cakes. So it works out well for everybody.

See? Nothing unusual about Mario at all. Definitely nothing horrifying going on in the Mushroom Kingdom, no reason to try to blot this out from your memory the next time you start playing. In fact, you might as well submit some of your own favorite Mario eccentricities and their possible explanations in the comments below! Looking for more? Turns out some games provide their .

Ever since the original Team Fortress set the standard, class-based shooters have followed a pretty simple formula. Your choice of specialized roles usually corresponds to where you want to be in a shootout: on the frontlines as an assault trooper, right behind them as a supporting medic, bringing up the rear as an engineer or anti-vehicle expert, taking potshots from afar as a sniper, or infiltrating enemy territory as a stealthy spy. It's nice that you can find the niche that best suits you - but wouldn't it be even cooler to play as a soldier that really stands apart from the usual archetypes?

As with the most , I'm fascinated by the stranger, more unique concepts that some multiplayer shooters have to offer. It's not rewarding enough to just point and shoot at anything that moves - you've got to score kills and capture objectives with your own distinct style. So, for your enjoyment, I present a list of the misfit classes that merrily defy the traditional class structure. You might die in the line of duty, but you'll be ten times more memorable than yet another humdrum Assault soldier.

requires you to bring a Medic along in your hunting party, but at least prospective healers get three options to choose from. While Val has the standard healing-beam and Caira wields an unconventional health-restoring grenade launcher, Lazarus is by far the strangest of the bunch. Why? He's a healing class who will watch unflinchingly while you die at his feet.

This Rasputin-looking physician does have the ability to heal his allies, but only in very limited bursts. His real power comes from his ability to instantly revive downed or dead teammates, paired with his personal Cloaking Device. A good Lazarus knows to wait patiently and invisibly from the shadows, keeping an eye out for timely revives instead of providing direct, continuous support. He'll gladly watch you get mauled to death, but only with the team's best interests at heart.

Frankly, every TF2 class has a ludicrously wide range of utility and possibilities within its prescribed playstyles. But if I have to pick one standout, it's got to be that ever-dapper Frenchman, the Spy. Plenty of shooters have a class that's meant to sneak behind enemy lines with temporary cloaking or disguises - but it's the Spy's methods that make him so distinct.

At launch, most players had a tough time spotting fake teammates intent on stabbing their tender back-meat. And just when people started to adapt to the Spy's subtle behavior patterns, new items gave him the tools to outsmart enemies once more - particularly the Dead Ringer, which lets you feign death to slip by defenders unnoticed. Succeeding as the Spy means thinking like your enemy, and blending in without being blatantly inconspicuous. Yes, that's an oxymoron, but TF2 vets know exactly what I mean.

Lead and Gold's playerbase has gone the way of the dodo - which is a shame, because it has some pretty distinct characters. I almost gave the nod to the Trapper, a lady with a coonskin cap, bear traps, and a sniper rifle - but the Deputy class (pictured front and center here) and his vigilant team leadership is too nuanced not to pick.

The Deputy can tag up to two enemies as targets, making them fully visible to his teammates (even through walls). Here's the catch: he can also remove those same tags from allies if they've been marked by an opposing Deputy. The juggling act of providing your team with built-in wallhacks while denying them from your enemy is key, giving the Deputy the power to control the flow of kills in a match without actually scoring them himself.

finally lets you play as everyone's favorite / most hated robot pal Claptrap. So how does one capture the essence of this delightfully / annoyingly chipper companion as a playable mercenary? Simple: by screwing with your teammates at every available opportunity. But in a productive way!

Claptr - sorry, Fragtrap's signature ability is VaultHunter.EXE, which lets you morph into different forms every 40 seconds (i.e. incredibly often). Thing is, the effects of this seemingly random transformation can also apply to your allies - and some are more disruptive than others. Your teammates might start cursing you out when they're suddenly bouncing around or uncontrollably firing off their entire clip in the middle of a heated firefight. That's when you shrug, wink, and sheepishly say "I was just trying to help!"

Despite all their freaky, incredibly invasive body modifications, the Strogg aren't so different from us. That's if Quake Wars is to be believed, since all the human classes have analogous counterparts on the Strogg side. Whereas the Global Defense Force has the Fields Ops role, a support class that can deploy turrets, call in airstrikes, and drop ammo for teammates, the Strogg can deploy the functionally identical Oppressor. Or rather, it would be identical if not for one crucial difference.

The Oppressor - great name for a cyborg alien soldier, by the way - isn't able to resupply his allies with extra ammo. Instead, he gets the ability to plant tactical shields around the map, creating temporary cover for his teammates where there was none before. In the hands of a tactical mastermind, the Oppressor's power to transform the battlefield by creating new chokepoints or offensive bulwarks makes him one of the most influential shooter classes ever created.

Imagine staring down an entire legion of Oddjobs. Now give them luscious beards. That's Shadowrun's Dwarfs in a nutshell - short in stature, but no less lethal for it. Instead of a class system, this cyberpunk shooter lets you pick a soldier from one of four races and equip them with whatever magic or tech you like. Succeeding as a Dwarf is a matter of tricky resource management: your spell-casting energy regenerates at a snail's pace, so you need to drain essence from your enemies - or leech off your teammates, oddly - to stay useful.

But here's the weirdest part: scoring a headshot on a Dwarf is meaningless, because unlike the other races, it won't inflict increased damage. As with the Necromorphs in Dead Space, defending yourself against these fighters goes against the cardinal rule you learned in every other shooter.

Halo 4 doesn't have classes in the traditional sense, but it does have specialized loadouts. Once you've hit level 50 in the Spartan Rank progression system, you're given a choice from eight distinct classes, which have to be leveled up individually if you want their respective rewards. The most tasty carrots on this stick are the perk-like buffs you get for maxing out each class, but they also come with a spiffy suit of unique Spartan armor.

All of the Support Upgrade and Tactical Package rewards are functionally useful; Operators make vehicles more resilient, Rogues have steadier aim, and Wetwork operatives get quieter footsteps. But there's one oddball: Pioneer, the Neon Genesis Evangelion-looking commando you see above. His signature ability? Gain more XP after a match. That's it. In a group of specializations that provide tangible benefits during gameplay, the Pioneer offers you exactly nothing in the heat of a firefight. In essence, the Pioneer only exists to grant a perk that unlocks other, more useful classes slightly quicker.

Typically, if your teammates are screaming that you're the one to blame for a loss, they're just a bunch of whiny babies who can't understand the concept of collaborative effort. But in the case of Red Orchestra 2, that blame-throwing might actually be appropriate. Like any real fighting force, teams in this WW2 shooter have a handful of Squad Leaders, but only one Commander. Playing as the Commander is a critical responsibility, since you and you alone have access to the Radio, a tool that facilitates airstrikes, aerial recon, and ally-respawning reinforcements.

Because RO2 servers support up to 64 players, that means you might have 31 other people relying on you to make the right calls. Your tactical insight - or idiocy - can lead your team to organized victory or disgraceful, discombobulated defeat. If you're not prepared to do some extensive voice-chatting, or take serious heat when you make a blunder, the Commander is certainly not the class for you.

Unless you're a Call of Duty vet, you might be unfamiliar with the concept of TTK. Short for Time To Kill, it's the measure of any given weapon's lethality, reducing all that twitch shooting to cold, hard math. Being pro at CoD means obsessing over your TTK, since you want to be racking up headshots and calling in killstreaks as quickly as possible. That's what makes the Riot Shield such a strange, typically undesirable choice for your primary slot: it's a slow, clunky means of self-defense in a series that's all about frenzied killing.

And yet, the Riot Control loadout, which revolves around the use of the Riot Shield, is one of the preset builds provided in both Modern Warfare 2 and Ghosts. Seeing as Riot Control is presented to new players as one of a few default class options, it seems bizarre to promote a playstyle that runs counter to everything CoD stands for. Then again, the general public's unfamiliarity with how to fight against these shield-wielders could be the perfect edge.

Meet the mysterious tenth class in the Team Fortress universe. Shooters often include modes where you escort an objective - typically an NPC hostage, or some kind of explosive payload - from point A to point B. But when playing as the Civilian, you are the objective. Caught between a team of Assassins that want to snipe your head off and the Bodyguards attempting to protect you, the outcome of each round in VIP mode hinges directly on whether you live or die.

It's the ultimate fantasy fulfillment for players that love being the center of attention - though you won't be doing much shooting yourself, since the Civilian's only weapon is a plain old umbrella. Will you dazzle everyone on the server by ? Or will you singlehandedly unbalance the entire game mode by utterly failing at self-preservation? That's really for you to decide.

Though this class title reads like a kindergartener proudly writing his name for the first time, it's actually an acronym for Mechanized Assault Exo-suit. And to call the MAX a class almost feels like a misnomer, since it's essentially a walking tank on two legs amidst a crowd of regularly proportioned soldiers. But hey, that's how PlanetSide 2 labels it, so who am I to argue? Even though you can't deploy as a MAX right from the get-go, it has its own set of customizations to unlock and intricacies to learn just like any other class.

For starters, there's no aiming down your sights - the MAX has two giant guns for arms, so pinpoint targeting isn't really an option. You also have to decide if you want to be built to counter infantry, aircraft, or ground vehicles, which presents an interesting quandary. Do you spec yourself to be a godsend in one type of scenario but useless in others? Or do you go with a more adaptable loadout that can deal with anything but excels at nothing? Whatever you go with better be good, since you're spending precious resources every time you don this robo-suit.

If you've ever wanted to play as a perpetually farting mercenary in a class-based shooter, this is the best chance you're ever going to get. Everything about the Astrek Recluse brings flatulence to mind, given that this advanced Biotech battleframe (read: subclass) is defined by its use of noxious gas. Biological warfare isn't funny, but watching your souped-up soldier vault away from enemies with a blast of greenish-brown gas really, really is. That move is called Evacuate, by the way; it's unclear whether or not bowels are involved.

Maybe I'm just immature as all hell, but I would relish every opportunity to brag about killing my enemies when they caught a whiff of my Creeping Death. Not every shooter lets you combat the opposition by creating a around yourself. Firefall does.

In a game like Tribes, where everyone's soaring around the map like majestic eagles, the Juggernaut feels about as mobile as an overfed pig. But when you pack this kind of heavy firepower, you don't need to be fast. The Juggernaut's Fusion Mortar launches devastating explosive rounds, letting you bombard the enemy base until the flag runners come home. Once you're able to accurately judge the giant arc of your shot, you'll be a one-man airstrike on any stationary fortification.

But the true beauty of the Juggernaut class is that moment when an enemy zooms by, and you reflexively launch a fiery emerald mortar bomb over the crest of a nearby hill - not where your prey is now, but where they will be in a few seconds. You'll probably be too far away to even see the resulting kill, but it's as joyous as shooting a swish from half court, or that long-bomb snowball throw from Elf.

Ah, Wascot - the evil doppelganger of MNC's smiley mascot Bullseye, and my absolute favorite class from this criminally underplayed shooter. His backstory is perfect: Wascot's an obsessed fan who both adores and wants to murder the foam-headed hypeman for this futuristic bloodsport. But besides the hilarious lore, Wascot's playstyle is an absurdly unique take on close-quarters hit-and-run tactics in shooters.

Getting in someone's face is easy thanks to Wascot's Crook Hook, which yanks him directly to his stunned target - and if anyone tries to throw you, activating Shifty Shuffle will automatically counter them (and give you some lifesteal to boot). Instead of killing players directly, Wascot's primary Coin Launcher weapon shoots damaging doubloons that enemies will foolishly try to collect - it's an ingenious take on Mario Kart's decoy item boxes. And unlike the deadly melee weapons used by other Commando types, like the Assassin's dagger or Captain Sparks' electrified sword, Wascot simply uses a paddle. All the better to spank the opposition with, my dear.

You probably recognize these pillbug-like automatons from The Phantom Menace, where their firepower was enough to make even trained Jedi run away with their lightsabers between their legs (pretty dangerous, if you ask me). They're called Droidekas, and they're an exclusive asset to the Confederacy of Independent Systems in Battlefront's massive multiplayer shootouts. It's what you would get if you took a durable, stationary turret, then gave it the power to zip around in spherical form like AiAi from Super Monkey Ball.

Anyone foolish enough to stand in your way will be gunned down instantly by your dual laser blasters, and your personal shield emitter gives you the ability to act as a slow-moving blockade. But the trick is knowing where you're needed most, because once you've switched forms, you're pretty much committed until your targets are eradicated or you're a scrap heap on the ground.

Do you play Destiny and love the distinct abilities and exclusive armor types worn by your Guardian? Then you absolutely have to try Warframe, because its rich, exotic flavors of player classes make Destiny's trio look like lukewarm vanilla ice cream. Each of the collectible, craftable Warframes acts as both your armor type and your spell selection, and they're all gloriously unique in both form and function.

No matter which Warframe suits your fancy, they're all quite capable of excelling in the missions, though by very different means. Maybe you want to teleport around as the backstabbing Ash, zap targets with weaponized lightning as Volt, become a killer sci-fi airbender as Zephyr, or misdirect enemies with clone decoys as Loki. To me, the 22-and-counting classes feel like rare jewels in a sea of shooter stereotypes. It might cost you a small fortune or years of dedication to unlock them all, but you don't have to play every last Warframe to appreciate their invigorating originality.

Pretty awesome, right? The next class-based shooter I'm stoked for is , which is sure to introduce tons of unique character concepts. For instance, take Tracer (pictured above), who can rewind time mid-firefight. Which oddball shooter class is your favorite? Tell me all about it in the comments below!

And if you're looking for more, check out .

We all have that one game. That detestable, despicable game that sits lost and forgotten apart from our collection. The same one that, when mentioned to friends (or otherwise normal coworkers) gets nothing but praise and cries of "How could you possible not love it?" We don't just not love it, dammit, we hate it! And we're not afraid to admit it. It's not our fault the rest of you are too blind to see its teeth-gnashing, aneurysm-inducing flaws.

Nonetheless, we'll give it a shot. Each editor has selected a game that has won widespread praise, yet that he or she feels - quite frankly - is crap. Dive into this list with an open mind, and you might just... no, you know what, we don't care. Close your mind. Keep playing these infuriating games. WHO CARES IF WE NEVER GET ANOTHER SKIES OF ARCADIA. GO PLAY MORE CALL OF DUTY. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONGWITHYOUPEOPLE!!

Though the Final Fantasy 13 saga may not be the most well loved of FF titles, of them Final Fantasy 13-2 is certainly the favorite. And oh, what a black hole of hatred I have in my soul for that game. While the battle system was an improvement on 13's linearity, I would have gladly taken 100 Final Hallway games over the shallow plot and shoddy characters 13-2 dropped in my lap.

Where 13 actually had a decent if flawed cast, 13-2 removed all the folks worth a damn, replaced everyone else with flattened and awful versions of themselves (I think I've developed a persistent eye twitch from Serah fawning over how cute it is that Snow's being a jerk to her), and added in some of the most infuriating characters I've seen in a long time. Like Noel. Fuckin' Noel. Refusing to do the one thing that would save the universe full stop because it involves killing a guy with whom he has zero friendly interactions but they're somehow totally great friends! Combine that with inconsistent and illogical time travel, a final 'twist' that might as well have written in the clouds, and the fact that Noel is so goddamn stupid that he's singlehandedly responsible for the death of mortal universe and I...

Ugh, Borderlands. I want to love you! I love shooters. I love action RPGs. I love distinct art styles with lots of bold colors. I love corny jokes. All the elements are there, but I still hate Borderlands. You have to understand, I'm pretty good about giving games the benefit of the doubt even if they don't grab me straight off - particularly if tons of other people seem to really enjoy them. But rarely have I felt more actively disinterested in a game than when I tried to play Borderlands.

Maybe it's how the first region is full of skags and axe-wielding psychos, which makes for rote backpedaling as you unload ammunition into their faces. Maybe it's how the first few hours of the campaign are spent performing asinine tasks for unpleasant characters, like trying to grind through an MMO that calls you names whenever you turn in a quest. Even good co-op company (yes, I was playing in co-op) couldn't keep me from dozing off at best or actively resenting the experience at worst. Maybe Borderlands 2 and the Pre-Sequel fixed all these problems, but I don't really care enough to find out.

I just don't understand the appeal of Super Smash Bros. for Wii U. Many members of the GR+ staff swear by the game, citing a wealth of special attacks, imaginatively designed arenas, and lashings of Nintendo fan-service as the reason for its greatness. All I see is a mess of color, as if an excitable toddler has vomited Skittles onto an LED screen. I mean, what the hell is happening? It's wanton chaos. It's like the , with all the clawing, naked sinners swapped for Nintendo mascots.

During the games I played in the UK office, literally no-one could work out who was winning or why, which really takes the sting out of victory. "Oh, I came first did I? Fuck me, I thought I just kept falling off a ledge and getting my nose broken by Yoshi." And, honestly, why does no-one see the futile absurdity in someone like Samus Aran smacking the Duck Hunt dog in the jowls, while the Wii Fit trainer tries to brutalise Kirby in the whatever-it-has-instead-of-bollocks? I'm out.

I know I'm going to get hate for this, but I did not like Final Fantasy 7. I've played most of the FF games as they were a big part of my childhood. I even dumped an ungodly number of hours into FF11 - how's THAT for dedication and love for the series? I tried playing FF7 when it came out, but the whole jump to 3D and polygon graphics just did not appeal to me. I was not blown away. I was blown away by the intro to Final Fantasy 8, and when I booted up Final Fantasy X my life changed. But Final Fantasy 7? Meh.

I eventually went back to play through the entire game on PC, and just couldn't bring myself to be invested in any of the characters. That OMG HOW COULD YOU scene? Felt nothing. Meanwhile, the ending to Crisis Core? Cried. I loved that game, but maybe I was just not in the right frame of mind when Final Fantasy 7 came out to really enjoy it. The music was good though. Gold Saucer FTW!

Destiny is mind-cripplingly dull. The 'characters', the 'plot', the 'void damage', the colour coded rarity system of weapons that everyone seems so het up about - I couldn't care less. All anyone ever seems to do is grind. And everyone keeps saying 'oh the game doesn't begin until level 8, 15, 20, 30... WHEN DOES IT GET FUN?

The enemies only seem to have two attacks each. There aren't enough planets. I can't feasibly play with everyone else now because I haven't bought the DLC. There is no spark of life in its cold, dead eyes. I hate the Ghost thing and its stupid disinterested voice. Destiny is a husk of a game and I don't know what anyone sees in it. There, I've said it.

I'll never understand why people praise Gunman Clive. Maybe they've been blinded by the low, low price tag of $2, which sounds like a steal - but I've easily played a thousand free Flash games on the 'net that were 10 times more enjoyable than this trite 2D shooter. The graphics are either bland or butt-ugly depending on your tastes, the controls are floaty and unresponsive, the soundtrack seems to be a sampling from 'My First Chiptune Album', and the stark level designs are straight garbage.

If you're going to rip off Mega Man stage gimmicks, your controls need to be on point, instead of making me feel like a jellyfish in low gravity. Also, it's best to avoid a difficulty curve that goes from toddler easy to 'Why am I still playing this vile horseshiz' hard. The fact that so many people compare this repugnantly unfun grind of trial-and-error platforming to the greatness that is Sunset Riders makes me sick to my stomach. Kill me for this radical opinion if you must - just promise that you'll .

I wouldn't say I hate Skyrim, exactly. Hate is a word I'd reserve for real dreck like Ride to Hell Retribution (or those hoverbike segments in Battletoads). But by God, I will never understand the undying love and devotion this open-world fantasy RPG gets - especially when compared to the vastly superior Fallout series.

There certainly is something impressive about how Skyrim generates seemingly never-ending quests to get lost in, but the world and its characters do absolutely nothing for me. Why should I spend the time talking to everyone and solving all their asinine little problems if I don't even care whether they live or die? Maybe I just prefer dinking around the futuristic wasteland of North America more, but every time I've tried to get into Skyrim, I last about six hours and then I bail.

I don't like Super Mario Bros. 3. There I said it! I was the hugest fan of Super Mario Bros. 2. I loved the weirdness of it and have many, many, many fond memories of playing it with my brother. In fact, it was one of the few games the we beat together.

I was pretty excited for 3. I even faked friendship with a girl who I knew had a copy of the game, just so I could go to her house to play it. And then karma struck for my trickery; a few levels in I was confused and I didn't like it. I know it has Tanooki Mario and a ton of things people other people love but I just couldn't muster any enthusiasm for it. I expect I'll be eating lunch alone from now on.

I've probably put more than a thousand hours into the Call of Duty series, BioShock is one of my favorite games of all time, and I simply can't stop playing Destiny. Outside of a Zelda adventure, blasting away enemies, throwing grenades, and scoring long-distance head shots are my favorite gaming pastimes. But the one FPS game I just can't manage to enjoy at all is Half-Life 2. Matter of fact, I pretty much hate all Valve shooters because they all share the same flaw.

Sometimes it can be the tiniest detail that turns you off to a game, and that one little thing in HL2's case is simply the way the Valve shooters handle. Moving around feels you're just controlling a floating head (and not just because you can't see your legs). Running feels more like flying (not in a good way) and there's no weight to your steps. It sounds like a lame excuse, but for some reason that floatiness kills my immersion immediately. It's really the only hurdle I can't get past, and much like with , I just can't overcome it.

MMO's are video game hell. They strip otherwise interesting genres of all fun and enjoyment. In their place, they stuff their victims full of monotonous tasks (collect 5 beaver pelts), point-and-click combat, and ravenous paywalls. The only tradeoff for all this BS: multiplayer. You can play with an entire world of other people who are running around yelling and cursing and killing one another - often for no reason. Does this remind you of someplace?

At the very bottom of this hell sits World of Warcraft, laughing and weeping into a lake of fire. WoW's corruption is slow and insidious. In the beginning it's all fun and games, but after a year or two the 'fun' becomes 'work' and the 'games' become 'obligation.' It isn't here to entertain you. It's here to enthrall you with its unending quest for loot which will let you get better loot which will let you get better loot which will...

Also the selfie feature sounds dumb.

We've shared some of our darkest gaming secrets with you, dear reader. Now it's time to balance the scales. Let us know in the comments below your least-favorite, but still wildly-popular, game. Just be prepared for plenty of backlash from everybody else.

For the flip side of this feature be sure to check out .

Toy Fair 2015 is a wrap, and now it's time to dig through all the coverage to bring you the key items you'll want to prepare shelf space for when those pre-orders pop up. And I've gotta say, Mezco totally brought its 'A' game this year.

Who else would put out an Earthworm Jim action figure, mind blowing 1:12 Dark Knight Returns action figures, ultra creepy but still adorable Living Dead Dolls, and a veritable army of Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy action figures? But it's the new toys from Mortal Kombat X that we really came here to see. Here's a run down of the challengers yet to come.

Sub-Zero
Scorpion

Sub-Zero: Comes complete with his game accurate hammer and sword, and alternate fighting hands.
Scorpion: Includes his spear-tipped wrist chains, as well as two game-accurate swords and an additional pair of fighting hands.
Raiden: Comes with game-accurate alternate hands, alternate lightning hands, and a lightning ball.

Scoprion
Sub-Zero
Raiden

Scorpion
Sub-Zero
Raiden

Scorpion
Sub-Zero

Sub-Zero
Scorpion

For a look at the full show floor, check out this .

Complain though we might about the (seriously Assassin's Creed, we're worried about you), we do get pumped at the prospect of spin-offs where our favorite second bananas get some time in the spotlight. Yoshi, Clank, Raiden, Daxter, Wario, Vincent Valentine, unfortunately Tingle - that not at all exhaustive list shows how fertile the spin-off earth is for planting.

And hey, while we're getting our hands dirty, we have a few suggestions of our own! In the slides beyond you'll find a collection of of guys, gals, robots, and aliens who have all proven to be so capable, interesting, and memorable that they could easily support their own downloadable offshoots and/or massive trilogies. These sidekicks shouldn’t be wasting any more time in the background, and we know just what type of game they should star in. Do we have your attention, corporate overlords?

Sorry, what is this game series called again? The Legend of who? Hmm, funny that. As big a deal as Zelda is in the Legend of Zelda series, and as skilled a fighter as she's implied to be, a game with her at the helm has yet to materialize. gets close by making her playable and giving her control of her own badass army, but she gets the same amount of attention as everyone else in Team Fanservice, and basically ends up being upstaged by Link. Freakin' Link man. Ultimately, a game where she is the undisputed protagonist and doesn't get kidnapped is the only way to do this leading lady of Nintendo justice. Seriously, no kidnapping!

A Zelda-led title could fit snugly just about anywhere in the Legend of Zelda canon. Heck, she wouldn't even have to be a princess, if you wanted to go the Skyward Sword route. Just focus on her honing her magical abilities, and maybe make her transformation between Zelda and Sheik a gameplay mechanic as she travels through Hyrule on a quest to defeat Ganondorf. And it would be called The Legend of Link, naturally.

Half-Life is defined by the silence of scientist-turned-savior Gordon Freeman, but Half-Life 2 introduced gamers to a character many would come to love much more than the stoic Freeman. Alyx Vance is one of the more multifaceted characters in gaming, at times strong and determined, and at other times scared and unsure of herself. Despite occasionally ending up the damsel in distress for Gordon to save, she’s often Freeman’s equal, if not better equipped to deal with the alien-infested totalitarian state the world has become.

Were Valve to make a game starring Alyx, it could finally break out of its silent protagonist mold and have her take an active role in the story. The game could be a prequel, telling of Alyx’s many exploits as part of the resistance before Gordon decided to wake up from his convenient slumber, but that seems too safe for Valve. Instead, how about they throw the entire gaming world a curveball and make her the star of Half-Life 3, killing off Freeman in the first 10 minutes? Once players got over the shock, we think they’d ultimately appreciate a hero that can speak for herself.

Unlike most of the characters on this list, Falco has been trying his best to grab the spotlight since he first appeared. Hardly content to merely support Star Fox leader Fox McCloud, Falco is a hotshot pilot that consistently tries to outdo McCloud at every turn, and even when he slightly mellows with age, Falco's skills still rival Fox’s in the air. Plus, anyone that’s play Super Smash Bros. Melee knows Falco is at least Fox’s equal in hand-to-hand combat. It’s time Lombardi got the starring role he so richly deserves.

As the Star Fox titles continue to move away from the arcadey flight that defined the series, Falco has always remained committed to the air, so let’s just keep him there. Let Fox have his tanks and submarines, and let Falco’s spin-off focus entirely on classically-styled flight levels featuring Lombardi leading a whole new team of pilots. Star Fox traditionalists would finally have the game they’ve been clamoring for, and Falco could finally become the leadership position we assume Nintendo has been grooming him for.

It's true that Lydia is just as prone to standing in your way during a fight or getting stuck in a door as any other AI companion who follows at your heels. Still, as perfect as she may be for Fus Ro Dah target practice, it feels like there's something special about her. Maybe it's because she's a beautiful first companion, and you never forget your first. Maybe it's that she's really really good at carrying stuff. Maybe it's because she's an accomplished bodyguard (don't let her standing on your toes in battle fool you) with a mysterious past that you're burning to discover. Maybe it's all those things, and maybe all of that's so interesting that she should get a game all to herself. You know, maybe. By which I mean definitely.

Since Lydia's life before she met the Dragonborn is seldom mentioned, a game centered on her journey to become the best housecarl in all the land is ripe for exploration. How does she work her way up the social ladder to enter the house of Jarl Balgruuf before she's gifted to her thane? How many dungeons did she get hopelessly stuck in before mastering the art? Where did she learn how to cook? I MUST KNOW!

In a world of horrific military casualties, the man with a decent set of armor is king. Nobody proves that better than Clay Carmine, who managed to avoid losing his head or the majority of his torso to Locust swarms, which puts him many steps above his unfortunate brothers. Surviving thanks to his incredible physical prowess and , he's both skilled and interesting enough that he would probably survive a game of his own.

While Gears isn't what you'd call a narrative experience, it has its share of touching moments (most of them named 'Maria'), so Clay could spend a bit of time mourning his brothers in between blowing his enemies apart. In fact, Ben Carmine mentions having three brothers before his death, so why not go all Saving Private Carmine and have Clay go full-bore hunting down the last of his flesh and blood? With their luck the guy would probably die , but it's worth a shot!

, and we'll say it again: get this girl a game! Your young ward and moral compass during your trip through Dunwall, Emily may seem more like an animate door prize than potential protagonist, but there's more to her when you take a closer look. She mentions Corvo teaching her at least basic combat skills, for instance, and Dishonored's possible eldritch abomination/whale god The Outsider takes an interest in her early on. These things combined, it's easy to see Emily going on a magic-powered quest for justice/murder spree all her own.

Granted this may be a bit tricky, since Dishonored ends with her becoming either a puppy-feeding saint or a full-on psychopath at age twelve, resulting in two wildly disparate versions of her character. But since it wouldn't be too difficult to port your chaos rating from the first game, this could actually be an interesting mechanic, letting Emily start off as either a goody-toe-shoes or horribly evil and have that affect her options going forward. Regardless, you'd get to play as a badass assassin queen, and who wouldn't want that?

Though she turns into a bit of a damsel in , Jeanne is every bit her badass bestie's equal, and she takes care of herself just fine for the 500 years before the Bayonetta we know starts kicking around. What exactly was she up to all that time? Undoubtedly something completely insane involving a lot of interpretive dance and explosions, and you know you want to play the living hell out of it.

Since Jeanne would probably handle a lot like Bayonetta (if her unlockable model in both of the games is anything to go by), you can probably expect the same sort of globe-trotting, angel-stomping shenanigans from her. Plus, since the series tends to play it close to the vest with expository details, there are plenty of aspects of the world left to explore. Maybe Jeanne and Bayonetta's witch training, or the war between the Umbran Witches and the Lumen Sages, or the half of millennium of downtime afterward. And what's that? The producer for Bayonetta 2 ? Yes? Yes.

For as interesting as the redemptive tale of Darth Revan was, virtually everyone that played Knights of the Old Republic remembers a certain deadly droid more than anyone else in the groundbreaking RPG. An accomplished droid assassin, HK-47 captured the hearts of gamers everywhere with his dark sense of humor and propensity for suggesting that murdering people with lasers was always the best solution to a problem. Popping up occasionally in sequels and both Star Wars MMOs, nothing seems to be able to stop this droid, so why don’t we just cut to the chase and give him his own game?

Fortunately for HK-47, the market for action games starring assassins is booming right now, so a Hitman/Assassin’s Creed type game starring HK-47 is like a blank check LucasArts has yet to cash. The publisher has already covered the darker aspects of the Star Wars universe in games like Force Unleashed, but telling tales of HK-47’s past working for gangsters and other unsavory elements would explore a part of Star Wars mythology rarely seen outside of the occasional novel or comic book. Sure, a Boba Fett game would work about the same, but that would deprive the world of more of HK’s hilarious disgust for the meatbags that comprise humanity.

The supporting players in Chrono Trigger are so well realized and defined that almost any of them could support their own spin-off. We'd surely enjoy a game starring Magus or Robo, but we see the most star potential in the tragic tale of Frog. A noble, stoic knight that’s cursed to be trapped in an amphibian's body, he doesn't let that stop him from being a heroic swordsman.

Though the official ending of Chrono Trigger has Frog return to his human form, we hope that the new side game would keep him in his green form. The setting could stay in his home time of 600 AD with him defending the realm from some new threat now that Magus is taken care of. You could even give him some sidekicks of his own who might just be cool enough to get a sequel in 2028.

As is tradition at GR, we saved room for at least one mention of Okami in this feature, but this one is richly deserved. For most of the game Issun appears to be a talkative glowing flea that’s a little too obsessed with attractive women. When you see the tiny aspiring artist up close, you’ll notice he’s actually a respectable young man with a cool brush that doubles for his sword. After he helps Amaterasu save the day, Issun decides to continue the work of the gods on Earth, a plot worth seeing unfold.

Issun’s game would follow the tiny guy’s continuing adventures to keep the world safe from demons, and the biggest draw would be the interesting sense of scale for the character’s world. Similar to the the memorable shrunken levels in Okami, Issun will face dangerous enemies and save humanity without ever being noticed by the larger world. And since he followed along with Amaterasu to learn her Celestial Brush techniques in Okami, let’s say he inherits those innovative powers, but puts his own unique, inch-high spin on the whole thing.

Nathan Drake may be the coolest thief/archeologist/trained killer in a half-tucked shirt, but he learned all those skills from the master, one Victor “Sully” Sullivan. Sully adopted Nate to teach him all about stealing artifacts and shooting people, skills Sully picked up in his time in the Navy and as a freelance thief in his own right. An accomplished pilot with a love of fine cigars, Sully supports Nate every step of the way, usually keeping pace with Drake’s acrobatics, which is impressive considering he's, like, 300 years old.

Sully’s skills and determination give him great star potential, though his age and constant smoking stretches the believability of his ability to have adventures, so let’s turn back the clock. Let’s see the decades of adventure that Sully had before working with Nathan, having fun throughout the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Of course, it could also take place after he teams with young Nathan, allowing for co-op missions with Drake pushed back into the sidekick role, an interesting change in fortune.

Gamers all over the world are clamoring for the return of Mega Man, and while we also miss the Blue Bomber, his sister has been relegated to warming the bench for far too long. Roll has made playable appearances before, usually as a comedic character in fighting games Marvel vs. Capcom 2 and Tatsunoko vs. Capcom. Normally the jokes center around her cooking and cleaning abilities, which is why we want to see a game that finally bucks those domestic stereotypes and make her at least as tough as her brother.

We see the story opening with Dr. Wily finally succeeding in defeating Mega Man, nearly destroying the droid and leaving him at death’s door. There seems to be no hope until Roll nominates herself for an upgrade, admitting that she’s always been a little jealous that Mega Man gets to have all the fun. Light reluctantly weaponizes her, sending Roll into the fray to take on the Robot Masters. When she ultimately succeeds, she earns a newfound respect from her friends and family. Meanwhile, as Mega Man recovers, he finds a new passion for cooking and cleaning, which could play out in some random minigames.

It’s hard to steal focus from a character as compelling as GLaDOS, but in Portal 2 Wheatley pulled it off with endearing--and overly British--incompetence. A dangerously moronic program created by Aperture Science in the hopes of dumbing down GlaDOS, Wheatley accompanies Portal players through a good chunk of the game, usually making things worse through his bumbling idiocy. But even when he turns on you, it’s hard not to love the foolish robotic orb, because when he’s maniacally plotting your death, he’s still incredibly funny.

Were Wheatley to get his own game, we’d pick up right where we left him, floating around the moon. After learning the error of his ways, Wheatley teams up with his fellow floating spheres and tries to find a way home, propelling himself in zero gravity through a series of clever puzzles. Having the bumbling AI complete physics-based conundrums sounds like a fittingly scientific approach for a Portal spin-off.

Grand Theft Auto IV protagonist Niko Bellic was a an interesting character who made tough choices. Still, much of the time Niko just bummed us out, and we’d rather spend time with his friends, particularly the hilariously inept Brucie. At first it’s easy to hate Brucie’s over-the-top machismo and quest for respect, but soon that gives way to pity, then understanding for a friend that will always have your back. By the finale we loved to hang with the genetically different Brucie, if for no other reason than to hear the next way his barely-hidden homosexuality would pop-up in dialogue.

Since Brucie is so much more fun than GTA IV’s star, fans deserve at least some spin-off DLC starring our favorite bro. Crafted in the style of The Ballad of Gay Tony, a Brucie side story could work as a brilliant bit of self-parody on the part of Rockstar. The plot could follow the usual path of one man’s morally grey rise in the world of crime, only Brucie’s idiocy would derail it at every turn as he screws up every mission in some ridiculous fashion. GTA games have always been some of the funniest in gaming, so it’d be great to see Rockstar do a full-on comedy, and Brucie is just the man for the job.

Sure, is all well and good, but I can't be the only one who thought what about Shaundi? She may show up in some of the Saints Row side material and does go all Terminator for How the Saints Saved Christmas (in the spirit of the season), but she doesn't yet have a game to call her own. Not even a standalone expansion. And that's just wrong.

Given that pretty much anything goes in Saints Row (recall that there's a DLC pack called Enter the Dominatrix, and that Gat Outta Hell is a literal description), there are no limits on what Shaundi's adventure could entail. Think epic planet-hopping adventures with Jane Austen to liberate Saturn from the grip of reptilian space bikers who are also on fire, and she's part robot 'cause that's awesome. That's one idea, and it already sounds perfect. Come on devs, show a homie some love.

Those are the 15 sidekicks that desperately deserve their own game, and honestly, we're not just wishing to the wind here. Not only do these characters have obvious protag potential, but when we originally said that Mario's Toad should have his own game? Just saying, there's some magic in our words.

Can you think of any other background players that are deserving of a solo game? Let us know in the comments below, and get some of these good vibes. Big money, big money!

Want to learn more about sidekicks? Check out our list of the .

When asked to write up the important showpieces of Toy Fair 2015, I took it very seriously. With 20 years of collectibles reporting behind me, I develop a sort of twitch if I'm not able to dive into the topic fully and completely. That being the case, there was only one company I needed to look to for that same level of love in creating every figure it brings to retail: NECA.

Did you catch NECA's incredible BioShock Infinite Motorized Patriots? What about the army of Gears of War figures, complete with two of the bloodiest toys ever created? NECA loves its work and it shows, and we show them our love by throwing money at them. Get ready for plenty of that impulse as I explore NECA's 2015 video game related lineup.

Series 1: Summer 2015

Nova
Illidan
Deluxe figure: Stitches

Note: Stitches pictured is actual figure size while the others are two-up prototypes.

Tyrael
Arthas to stores late Summer/early Fall.

Series 1: June 2015

Happy Sack Boy
Sad Sack Boy
Kratos from God of War

A collaborative effort between two main painters at NECA and Director of Product Development Randy Falk made these little pieces of art a reality. Poring over cut scenes, gameplay, box covers, and title screens gave them plenty of reference to use for the final figure. For instance, Rambo here comes from a couple of different looks inspired by a mash-up of the Nintendo and Sega games. The painter decides on the colors and shading and the group gives input. What's next? Randy says "a bunch more!" No spoilers, apparently.

There's more to see this year, like the for a look at just about everything on the show floor.

If you haven't heard the exciting rumors, Netflix is supposedly working on a . Now before you dismiss this as impossible to pull off, take a moment to think about how awesome this could be. We can finally see the land of Hyrule outside the games, get timate stories out of the universe, and hopefully see some super awesome monster battles.

But, there is a concern. When games venture outside of their native medium, things get messy. Show creators can take too many liberties with beloved characters and events, leading to the show ruining your nostalgic memories of the franchise, destroying your childhood, depriving your life of all future meaning, and extinguishing all hope and joy in the world forever. Well, to prevent all of that, I've come up with some dos and don'ts for the rumored Zelda show, that, if followed, will make us all happy viewers.

Image source:

We've never seen Link's parents. The heroes of the Zelda series have always been orphans, left to be cared for by a grandmother, uncle, or forest Kokiri. The closest we've ever seen to immediate family is a sister. No mom or dad in sight. So, it wouldn't make sense to have the show's hero being raised by his biological parents. Here's to hoping the writers go for a 'raised by wolfos' approach to the hero's origin.

Not every Zelda adventure kicks off with Link rising from a good night's sleep, but the perfect Zelda show intro would be the lazy boy sleeping in. In every other episode, Link will probably be doing extraordinary things like killing monsters and casting magic spells. Making him lazy at the start gives him a relatable, average Joe feel. Then, as he grows in his adventure, you can see how far he has come.

At the beginning of each game, if Link is of age, he has some type of job: ranch hand, blacksmith's apprentice, etc. For the show, it would make sense to give him some sort of job. The one thing that Link has a natural talent for (besides saving the world from ancient evil) is finding money anywhere. My suggestion: Lawn Mower. I mean, it seems like a lucrative profession. Just think of how many rupees you find in the grass in any Zelda game. Do that eight hours a day and you'll fill that Giant's Wallet in no time.

Okay, having a TV show in which the main character doesn't talk doesn't sound like the easiest thing to pull off, but for a Zelda show, it must be done. Link has only ever spoke in full sentences in The Legend of Zelda cartoon, and Link's dialogue still gives me . The show makers need to find a way to keep Link mute. Maybe the answer can come from the games themselves...

One way to keep Link's trap shut is to give him a talkative partner that can speak for him. The heroes in the Zelda games rarely ever go it alone. The Hero of Time has Navi, Twilight Princess's Link has Midna, and Skyward Sword's hero has Fi. Why can't the live-action link have a partner? By not speaking, the classic Link character won't be distorted by having a voice and the show could even have fun with it. Have Link get interrupted all the time, or swallow a bug when he opens his mouth. You know, lighthearted, funny stuff.

This one is a given. In fact, I expect this scene to happen within the first episode of the live-action series. Without Link finding a magical sword and pulling it out of a rock, pedestal, or heck, maybe even Ganondorf's petrified face, the show just wouldn't be Zelda. Holding the sword of evil's bane essentially confirms Link as the hero of legend. It just needs to happen.

No matter how much the show producers may want to have an on-screen romance happen, Link and Zelda should never become a thing in the show, because it just doesn't happen in the games. Sure, Zelda is a beautiful princess, and Link is a daring hero, but the two have barely even shared a kiss in the games. Just a peck on the cheek at the end of the Oracle titles, and a bit of behind the curtain action in Zelda 2. Every other time their relationship has been platonic. It'd be unnatural to have the two in a full-blown romance on the show.

The thing about the Zelda series' big baddy, is that the Triforce of Power-wielding villain rarely shows his face until the final encounter. Sometimes you don't even know that Ganon is the final boss until a puppet villain like Zant or Agahnim is killed. Ganon should play behind the scenes throughout the entire series, having townsfolk spreading rumors and telling scary tales of the mysterious evil pigman until his series-ending debut. Otherwise, he might just end up feeling like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.

Never, and I mean never should a character in the show ever refer to an animal with a name we are familiar with in our real-life world. Bats are keese, giant spiders are tektites or skulltula, and rock-spitting octopi are octorocks.To call them anything other than their proper Zelda name would be a major fail.

What would a Zelda game be if Link wasn't constantly collecting stuff to shove in his bottomless pockets? If the live-action show is going to stay true to the game series, Link has to be a hoarder. Bows, bombs, boomerangs, and magic wands; I want to see them all. Plus, having an ever-increasing arsenal can keep the action sequences in the show fresh and maybe even introduce new ways to use Link's classic items.

Just make him do it. It'll look dumb, but he has to do it. Oh, and they've got to play the jingle whenever he opens a chest. .

Why do the legendary heroes love to break pots so much? We may never know. I've already established that he could use his herbicidal tendencies to earn a quick rupee, but that urge should carry on in his adventures in the wild. No pot can be safe. Otherwise, this live-action Zelda show just can't work.

If the live-action Zelda series really does come to pass, you can bet that I'm going to watch it. And if they creators follow my guidelines, it might actually be amazing. Do you have any tips to share with the show makers? What do you want to see? What should the show never do? Let me know in the comments below.

For more from GamesRadar, check out our list of the .

Remakes and remasters are a fun facet of modern gaming that allow old games to feel fresh. They give new players a chance to enjoy retro titles in the HD era, while older fans can play the titles of their youth without digging up a CRT television. But what about the opposite? What happens when more recent games get redone as pixelated adventures? That’s how you end up with demakes.

Demakes are clever tributes to the games of today that reimagine them as if they were on the consoles of bygone eras. Whether by the developers themselves or inventive fans, these jokey prequels let you celebrate your love of retro games in a whole new way. And these have to be the most clever demakes out there...

Speaking of Capcom, after Platinum’s staff left the company, the publisher went in a number of new directions. Not all of Capcom’s experiments were successful - for every Dead Rising, there was a Dark Void. The jetpack-based action game wanted to be a serious AAA contender, but it’s a dreadfully boring game, and it doesn’t have half the spirit and sense of fun as its jokey spin-off, Dark Void Zero.

Starting as an April Fool’s goof by the developers at Other Ocean Interactive, Dark Void Zero fast became a reality. The silly 2D download purported itself to be a Playchoice-10 game, because that was one of the earliest dual screen arcade machines that the DS could replicate. A mix of old Metroid, Castlevania, and Contra, this game started as a promotional tool for Dark Void proper. Now Dark Void Zero, a fictionally forgotten game, is the only thing people remember about the series.

A lot of these demakes stick with the warmer, friendlier worlds of 16 and 8-bit gaming, while Halo 2600 heads back to the truly primitive days of Atari. The aged system’s games ruled the United States in the early ‘80s, and are the gaming equivalent of cave paintings today, which is just the feel is going for. It molds Master Chief into the hero of second gen classics like Adventure or the catastrophically bad E.T. game, only you’re the one killing extraterrestrials this time.

It’s a cute way to kill your free time, but it’s also noteworthy for being more connected to the source material than most fanmade freeware. The game is credited to Ed Fries, who older gamers may recall as one of the earliest Xbox bosses. He worked hard to get developers like Bungie on the console, so that explains his connection to the Halo franchise. Halo 2600 came out a few years after he left Microsoft, proving that even if he doesn’t collect an Xbox paycheck, he couldn’t give up on the Chief.

The most recent, faux-old entry is a cute bit of fanservice from Platinum Games. The Osaka, Japan team is known for hiding dense Easter eggs in its games, and the same can be said for Platinum’s website. If you find yourself on the , you’ll be treated to a simple game that recasts company star Bayonetta as a 16-bit angel slayer in a pixelated shooter.

The Flash game obviously lacks the depth of a proper Bayonetta battle, but it’s a cute treat nonetheless. The graphics and chiptune soundtrack feel like a labor of love from fans who dig their own work. I’d happily buy a downloadable offering of a much fuller game. It has the unmistakable vibe of a SNES-era Capcom game, which isn’t surprising considering more than a few Platinum employees were with the company back then.

This demake may have the weirdest backstory and the strangest shift in gameplay styles of all. Fallout has always been a very Western-centric series, but with Fallout: New Vegas, publisher Bethesda had a clever plan for introducing the title to a new audience. When you headed to New Vegas’ , a version of Fallout would boot up that looked suspiciously like a 8-bit RPG.

Turning Fallout into Dragon Quest is a cute trick, and perhaps I could’ve soaked in more of the cleverness if I could actually read Japanese. As it stands, the pixelated world and turn-based action is an adorable way to introduce fans of JRPGs to the long-lived postnuclear roleplaying series. Hopefully this radical strategy convinced at least a few fans of old school Dragon Quest to take a trip down to New Vegas.

Now this here is a pretty passive-aggressive demake. The indie dev team behind Super Meat Boy were resistant to porting their game to iOS. Mainly because the two Meat Boy creators felt that phone games lacked any real depth, and that mobile titles were the current day equivalent of those crummy Tiger Electronics ports from decades ago. Then, to prove their point, the developers literally created a .

As the devs put it, the crappy on-screen controller is both true to iOS gaming and the terrible LCD screens of the early ‘90s. The platforming is intentionally terrible, going along with developer Tommy Refenes' belief that iOS controls of the time But, as intentionally poor as the gameplay and graphics may be, Super Meat Boy Handheld is a humorously ironic lark, and now it feels extra special because the game has since been removed from the App Store, with an actual Meat Boy iOS game coming soon.

Retro City Rampage on the surface feels more like a nostalgia-rific tribute to the games of the ‘80s and ‘90s than a true demake. A bit like a mix of Grand Theft Auto, Mario, Metal Gear, Contra, and a stoned afternoon watching Back to the Future, Retro City Rampage is also a Cinderella story for the makers of unlicensed demakes. More than a decade before its final release, RCR began as one fan’s attempt to make an NES version of GTA3.

In 2002, developer Brian Provinciano had thought it’d be fun to build his own dev tools for the NES, eventually crafting a homebrew title called Grand Theftendo. The top-down action and inventive use of graphics became a cult hit in the indie community, and Provinciano decided to go all out in expanding the cute tribute into a full game. By 2012 Retro City Rampage came out, packed with more references to Generation X than anyone can handle in one sitting.

AM2’s Virtua Fighter games broke boundaries for 3D fighters, and the series was also on the forefront of demakes. While so many other entries in here are postmodern throwbacks, the Genesis/Mega Drive version of Virtua Fighter 2 saw release around the same time as the Saturn version. And because Sega’s 16-bit machine could scarcely handle polygons when porting Virtua Racing, the Genesis version flattened the perspective to make the premiere 3D fighter .

Unless you were still a dedicated Genesis owner in 1997, you likely missed this game, but that’s no great tragedy. It’s a slightly above average 2D brawler that halfheartedly recreates most of the characters and moves of its three dimensional sibling, though the sound is atrocious. The music and SFX are the noise equivalent of pouring an exquisite wine through a dish rag. My heart goes out to any kid who asked for Virtua Fighter 2 as a gift and got this version.

I have strong nostalgia for the Game Watch handhelds of the early ‘80s, though advocating for them sounds like I’m saying, “Ditch that car for a horse and carriage. Sure, it’s out of date, but the buggy whip is outstanding.” Nintendo’s clock combos have simple action akin to the cheapest of today’s iOS games, and you can get a pretty accurate feel for them in , a unique tribute to God of War.

Invented by fans for the granddaddy of Flash gaming, Newgrounds, Greek Wicked takes the Hydra boss battle that opened up the first GoW and makes it as lo-fi as possible. The characters may be flat silhouettes, and the noise beeps ‘n boops, but it’s still a faithful recreation, right down to the QTE conclusion. And just like in classic Game Watch releases, you can beat Greek Wicked in minutes, and are expected to repeat it endlessly until your character dies. Truly, this version of Kratos is worthy of GW’s legacy.

That’s a diverse set of tributes, including a number that are more than a little official, but am I missing any? Drop some links in the comments, because I’m always ready for another dose of faux nostalgia.

Looking for more remakes? Check out .

At a very young age, I longed to play the board game Trivial Pursuit, but I was too young to have the knowledge needed to succeed. From then on I worked hard to collect all the useless knowledge I could in the hopes of one day being the ultimate trivia game champion. That hasn’t really worked out so far, but a handy side effect is I have a ton unnecessary information on subjects such as games, and that information demands to be shared.

Still, in a long career of compiling lists of errata, you end up with a lot of unexpected strangeness that doesn’t really fit anywhere else. But all these little nuggets of unlikely gaming knowledge need a space for recognition as well, so I’ve collected them into one weird place. Ones that will make people go, “Really?” before Googling their veracity. But, believe it or not, these bits of off-the-wall gaming trivia are all real...

The directional pad (D-pad for short) is such a constant in the gaming world that it seems weird that any one company could lay claim to it, but Nintendo did just that for decades. Created for an early portable recreation of Donkey Kong, the cross-shaped input method felt superior to just about any other control at the time, and it’s still a standard for 2D movement. In honor of that achievement, Nintendo was awarded an Emmy to further cement the d-pad’s legacy. That may seem strange, as Emmys are mainly known as awards for television, but the d-pad’s award falls under the ‘science’ section of The National Academy of Television Arts Sciences. Officially Nintendo won it for “” back in 2007, and I think it’s a wasted opportunity that all future controllers didn’t have ‘Emmy Winning!” on the packaging.

The Xbox had a ho-hum debut in 2000, so Bill Gates needed a People’s Champion like The Rock to make Microsoft’s first game machine ‘the People’s Console.’ With no real stars of its own yet, Xbox certainly needed The Rock’s fame to spread the word - way more people had heard of the wrestler than some green dude called Master Chief. So, when people got their at the final version original Xbox and its huge controller in early 2001, the WWE champion was right next to Bill Gates talking up such advanced features as “broadband” and “DVD playback.” Trust me, that was much more impressive back then, especially when you see The Rock towering over the richest guy on the planet.

Jen Taylor is one of a number of voice talent that work on countless games, even if many gamers don’t know her by name. Jen appears in titles as diverse as Left 4 Dead and Guild Wars 2, but her contributions to two of gaming’s biggest series is her real claim to fame. Ms. Taylor spent close to a decade playing Cortana in Halo and Princess Peach in nearly every Mario game, the first ladies of their respective consoles. Jen last played Peach back in 2008, but remains the voice of Cortana, and will likely stay that way until a real-life AI replaces her in 2234.

Pizza Hut is a totally adequate fast food chain many North American gamers have likely consumed at one point or another, perhaps without knowing that there’s a behind-the-scenes connection to games. Prior to his tenure as the United States Nintendo boss, Reggie Fils-Aime worked for Pizza Hut. No mere delivery guy, Reggie was Senior Director of National Marketing for the chain, and oversaw the creation of the radical ‘90s foodbeast, . Reggie also spent time at VH1 when the cable channel had the successful Pop-Up Video series. Between those two jobs, he basically ran about 60% of what I ate and watched in the 1990s.

As illuminated in the 2014 book Console Wars, Sonic’s birth wasn’t an easy one, with a lot of give and take between the Japanese developers and the American executives. The original idea for Sonic (surely no relation to the singer of the same name). The blonde woman in a tight red dress added some sex appeal to the game, something Sega of America executives weren’t really looking for in a game for kids. After some tense discussions, Madonna was booted from the series, and Sonic’s developers would have to wait until 2006 to make their human/hedgehog pairing a reality.

I like this fact because it’s so mathematically perfect. Nintendo loved emphasizing the 64-bit power of its black plastic console, going so far as to put the numeral in the name. But it went much deeper than that. As , the square N logo the system used had 64 sides and 64 vertices. Yes, that could just be a polygonal coincidence, but knowing how precise the Nintendo developers are, and how much they love hiding secrets like this, I’m betting it’s no accident.

The late Steve Jobs is regarded as a genius businessman who changed the way people use technology. But once upon a time he was a techy nerd in Northern California helped expand Atari's burgeoning game catalog. Jobs and dev partner Steve Wozniak were given the assignment to make a single player version of Pong. The resulting game was 1976’s Breakout, which paved the wave for dozens of clones and loosely inspired hundreds more. The proto-shooter netted Jobs some much-needed cash for his next project, though the future tech baron also asked if Atari founder Nolan Bushnell would be interested in investing. Nolan turned him down, giving up a possible 50% stake in Apple Inc. that I'm sure in no way haunts his every waking thought to this day.

NBA fans know Dennis Rodman is as weird as he is talented, so this odd story is par for the course. From the beginning, Dead or Alive featured a character who looked and dressed a lot like the Chicago Bulls champion. Eccentric fighter Zack was part of the roster since Dead or Alive began, but when the character took a leading role in the libidinous Xtreme Volleyball, the fighter started sounding more like Rodman as well. Yes, Dennis became the voice of his own parody, showing either a good sense of humor, or the keen business sense to make a quick buck off a silly tribute to him. Rodman only played Zack that one time, and now that Dennis was recently seen hanging out with a certain North Korean dictator, I’d say Zack’s life of private islands and volleyball contests seems the more normal one these days.

Baseball is regarded as an all-American sport, but when Seattle, WA was in danger of losing The Mariners, the city had to look outside of North America for help. Nintendo's US branch has been headquartered just outside of Seattle for years, so in 1992 Nintendo’s top man, Hiroshi Yamauchi, chose to buy the team as a sort of favor to the town. Nintendo still owns The Mariners to this day - explaining all those Ken Griffey Jr. games - and when Yamauchi passed away in 2013, many sports journalists billed him as ‘Mariners owner’ instead of ‘guy who saved the North American video game industry’ - admittedly, the latter takes up way more space in headlines.

Ed Boon has been serious about Mortal Kombat ever since he co-created the series with Jon Tobias. One such sign of Boon’s devotion to the series is that, even as it enters its third decade, Boon still voices MK poster boy Scorpion. Boon voiced him in every installment until 2011’s Mortal Kombat reboot. Scorpion’s new voice was Patrick Seltz, but his catchphrase ‘Get over here!’ was still shouted by Boon. As strange as it may sound for Scorpion’s voice to subtly change in battle, it’d be hard to hear anyone else shout that famous line.

Those are the most randomly weird facts I could cobble together today, but if you have anything else to add to this, make your case in the comments below!

Desperate to learn more trivia? Check out .

Toys have totally invaded the gaming world. Just check out this .

Video game ne'er-do-wells get into the villainy business for all kinds of reasons: greed, jealousy, megalomania, maybe even because they think the hero simply needs somebody to fight. But let's take it one step further back - what causes them to fall in with such a bad crowd in the first place? Turns out that they just want what we all want, man: love.

Rough childhoods, absentee parents, lack of recognition, unrequited romances - yet we sweep them all into the same category as those one-dimensional bad guys who just want to wreck shit for no good reason. Shameful! So I say no longer. Come with me as I recognize some of gaming's most despicable villains who really just need somebody to cuddle.

I don't know what awful reproductive events transpired to bring Bowser Jr. into the world, but at the start of Super Mario Sunshine, his dad has him convinced that Princess Peach was an important part of the process. Biology aside, you can't blame Jr. for wanting the Mushroom Kingdom's vision of grace and gentleness in his life, given what must have been a pretty rough upbringing in the Bowser household. The little fella just wants a hug from a pair of arms that aren't wearing spiky bracelets.

I'm not sure what gives it away - maybe how Peach doesn't seem to recognize him, maybe that she despises his father, maybe the fact that she has soft human skin instead of a spiny turtle shell - but Jr. eventually realizes that she isn't his mother. If my dad manipulated my deep maternal longing as part of his evil schemes to kidnap a princess and rule the world, I'd probably be a bit upset. To be fair, I had parents who tried to raise me to be a good person rather than as a living, breathing tool of vengeance.

If four of your closest friends all decided to up and leave one day without telling you why, you'd probably be a little upset, right? Welcome to the first installment of Life Sucks with Skull Kid. Later on they briefly return, only to banish him for pulling endless mean pranks on the residents of Termina. After that, he wanders around for a while, eventually making friends with a nice little Kokiri boy who teaches him a song on his ocarina… and then also disappeared for seven years.

There's no denying that the Skull Kid has a lot of mischief in his soul - that's just the way he rolls. But if all his friends didn't keep vanishing, they might be able to turn that prankster spirit toward more creative pursuits. Seriously, somebody who has the gumption and gusto to be the trick-pulling scourge of an entire kingdom could probably do some really admirable stuff if he put his mind to it. Poor Skull Kid just needs a pal to keep him on track.

I know what you're thinking. "Vaas doesn't need more love, he needs a life sentence or intense therapy, preferably both." And it's true that he does seem to derive a bit more joy from being a murderous, treacherous asshole than the other people on this list. But it all could have been different if he'd literally anybody to rely on aside from Citra.

If you've finished Far Cry 3, you know that Citra doesn't quite match the the noble resistance leader image she tries to cultivate. Vaas learned that a long time ago. Maybe, aside from ordering him to kill people to prove his Rakyat loyalty, she was a loving adoptive sister. But judging by the really unhealthy way Citra uses sex as a carrot-on-a-stick for her most loyal soldiers, I'm guessing there was some more creepy shit going down there. You can't blame Vaas for ending up a little bit off and betraying his people (whatever that means). You can still blame him for kidnapping outsiders and selling them into slavery though, because that's just an uncool thing to do in general.

If you didn't play Mass Effect 2's Overlord DLC, you never met the Mass Effect series' most sympathetic antagonist. I could recount the sad story of David Archer leading up to his encounter with Shepard, how his brother Gavin was using him to command the Geth to claim their armies for Cerberus… To be honest, it's pretty much Rain Man, if Tom Cruise had abused Dustin Hoffman's talents for memorization and calculation by strapping him into a computer to dominate a synthetic life form instead of making a couple bucks at a blackjack table.

That's pretty much the definition of being a shitty brother, right there. Inevitably the plan goes sideways, David's consciousness is shattered, and he takes over the entire facility and kills almost all of its occupants. His story can have a happy ending if you free him from the machine and take him to the Grissom Academy, at least.

You might know the phrase 'publish or perish' if you're familiar with the cutthroat world of academia. It means you have to regularly conduct valuable research and publish your findings if you want to remain relevant and thus eligible for jobs or tenure - but for Dr. Wily, it was more like 'publish and perish'. Whatever brilliant contributions he made to the field of robotics, Dr. Light was always a step ahead of him, scooping up all the praise and international goodwill.

Wily just wanted some recognition for his almost-as-impressive body of work, but they don't give out runner-up Nobel Prizes. The jealousy drove him mad, and he decided to forsake love and admiration for total domination, reprogramming Dr. Light's robot masters to seek global conquest. Dr. Light rebuilt his beloved lab assistant, Rock, into a war machine to fight the Wily menace, and the bad feelings have gone on ever since. Maybe next time Light could just share the spotlight?

Ok, what's rule number one for maintainers of balance and observers of history? Aside from "don't have sex with your ancestors" and "don't tell anybody the lottery numbers"? That's right, it's "don't fall in love". But poor Cia spent a little too much time watching the era-spanning exploits of Link instead of reading the Triforce overseer rulebook, and she ends up developing a huge crush on him.

While she knows that her duties will never permit her to be with the hero in green, she becomes massively jealous of Princess Zelda, who can't seem to throw a musical instrument without hitting some incarnation of him. Those feelings (plus some demonic possession) drives her to take over Hyrule so… so she can be with him? The guy who always fights and kills whoever's trying to take over Hyrule in any given week? Hm. She didn't really think this one through. But such is the weakness of a lovesick mind, I guess.

Gary Smith is really bad news in Bully. Aside from endlessly scheming to take over Bullworth Academy, he also makes it his personal mission to completely undo every little bit of social standing that new kid Jimmy Hopkins manages to cobble together (once he goes off his meds, anyway). Seriously, he probably tortures small animals when he's not busy drawing up complex schemes to turn all the school's cliques against each other.

Here's a protip for any parents reading this: if your child is very likely an undiagnosed sociopath, you probably shouldn't drop him off at a crappy boarding school, set him up with an awful therapist in town, and disappear from his life. I don't know if Gary could ever expect to live a normal life free of megalomaniacal/homicidal urges, but a little more parental involvement could have kept him from "primary antagonist" status, at the very least.

Is Revolver Ocelot a villain or a hero? That's tough to say with 100-percent certainty about almost any of Metal Gear's recurring characters, but Ocelot is a particularly dense knot of duty and deception. Since you end up shooting at him more often than not, I'm going to say he's a villain for the purposes of this article. Baddie cred established, what's love got to do (got to do) with it? Just about everything.

Ocelot is the son of The Boss and The Sorrow, but he's babynapped soon after birth by the Philosophers, the increasingly nefarious international organization both of his parents work for. Would the pair have retired from international super-soldierdom to raise their kid if given the option? I kinda doubt it, but at the very least they wouldn't have let him be raised in secret military academies to become an instrument of the Philosophers' will. Unlike most of the sad kids in this article, Ocelot's parents really did care about him - the Sorrow even agreed to let the Boss kill him rather than risk Ocelot's life - they just weren't allowed to show him that love.

Being the child of a demon father and an elf mother sounds kinda metal, but it actually sucks. Hard. Isair and Madae, the sibling antagonists of Icewind Dale 2, found that out when their mother ran out of the room and jumped off of a cliff as soon as she saw their wrinkly little devil wings and cloven hooves. Not a great start, they actually had a pretty decent childhood under the care of a benevolent priestess who sheltered them from the outside world.

But when that priestess passed away (I don't think she threw herself off a cliff) the townsfolk got their pitchforks and torches and proceeded to undo their kindly upbringing. Cast off and accepted neither by humans nor fiends, they strike off on their own and try to create a new world order where their kind can live without fear for their lives… until a bunch of adventurers come around and boot them into another plane. To think, this all could've been avoided if people weren't so awful about the whole "half-fiend" thing.

But those are just some of the poor, villainous souls who could've done with a few more hugs in their formative years. Can you think of any more villains who just needed a little more love? Let me know in the comments below!

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As video games grow more sophisticated, so too do the stories they try to tell. Movies and books tell stories of the wide range of human emotion and interactions, and those moments are bound to include sexual intimacy - so why can't games get in on this action, too? There's just one problem: the uncanny valley is a real creepy place, and we've been stuck there for going on a decade now.

Video games are better at making some things look convincing than others - like cars. Cars have looked great for years. People having sex? Still looks like two Barbie dolls having their faces mashed together. Plus, it doesn't help that many game designers treat intercourse with all the subtlety and grace of a 12-year-old who just discovered his dad's hidden stash of Playboys. When you combine the two, you get this list of the most cringeworthy sex scenes in video games. Hope you have a vomit bucket handy.

This article is totally NSFW. Though you probably guessed that when you saw the word 'sex' in the headline.

Despite being filled with all sorts of grotesque humor and wanton violence and destruction, the Grand Theft Auto series has shied away from displaying graphic acts of sex (up until GTA 5's first-person mode put it all right in your face) - mostly because Americans are weird like that. Hidden away in the darkest corners of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas' code lies the fabled 'Hot Coffee' mini-game, and it's only available if you actively seek it out by modifying the game. Which… is probably for the best.

Once the right switches are flipped, successfully going on dates (which were a normal part of the San Andreas experience) will eventually lead to a moment where your girlfriend casually invites you inside for a hot cuppa joe. This is code for sex - horribly rigid, polygonal sex. As you bump and grind against your significant other, you have to move the analog stick in proper rhythm to keep your 'excitement' meter high enough. Though it's surprisingly tame in comparison to some of the others on this list (everyone remains fully clothed for the duration), it's CJ's mouth-agape expression that makes this scene the stuff of nightmares.

As someone who thinks that 'cinematic' means a heavy dose of melodrama and some thin excuse to show two bodies rubbing against each other in the night, David Cage is gonna be on this list a few times. And Fahrenheit (or Indigo Prophecy, as it was called in North America) features not one, but two cringe-worthy sex scenes. The first involves Lucas getting back with his ex-girlfriend Tiffany - complete with an interactive serenade foreplay sequence and some shitty Nickelback wannabe playing mid-coitous. Awkward, but not even close to the worst scene in the game.

No, that honor goes to the scene near the end, shortly after Lucas dies and gets resurrected. He finally meets up with Carla (the detective who's been tracking his every move) and they go from 'Hey, how ya doin'?' to banging out in an abandoned train car within a few minutes. There's no character development here at all and, oh yeah, CARLA IS HAVING SEX WITH THE UNDEAD. The fact that both characters look like animatronic puppets is actually the least disturbing thing about this whole set-up.

David Cage joint #2 checking in, showing just how tenuous a connection between two people can be before they make sweet, passionate, digital love. Ethan Mars has lost one son to a car accident already, the other's been kidnapped by the Origami Killer, and he's beginning to worry that he might be the culprit, like a doughy Tyler Durden. He's physically falling apart at the seams after going through several Saw-style trials, and is acting like a complete psychopath. But sure, let's have a sex scene because EMOTIONS.

Oh, let's not forget the shit reporter Madison Paige has had to deal with as well, considering the home-invasion-wait-it-was-all-a-dream and forced stripping she's had to do to get to this point. Both Ethan and Madison are in no psychological condition to be doing anything remotely romantic (nevermind the fact that they've basically just met), and yet, after a couple of choice dialog prompts, they're both making awkward 'O'-faces and hovering their virtual body parts over one another.

No David Cage sexcapade is complete without mentioning Beyond: Two Souls. While not nearly as graphic as the other two games (no one gets fully naked here), the premise behind the scene is is just as cringeworthy, as you're essentially a disembodied voyeur during the whole thing.

In Beyond: Two Souls, you don't just play as Jodie Holmes; you also play as a ghost named Aiden (pronounced AYE-den - yeah, I know), who is attached to Jodie via some paranormal umbilical cord. During her date with the totally unremarkable Ryan Clayton, you can either use your spooooooooky powers to mess with her dinner (move plates, throw wine glasses, and other typical poltergeisty stuff). Or you can, y'know… just sit back and watch the sexy times unfold. And by 'sexy times', I mean 'look on as Ellen Page and Eric Winters dolls move their faces together until their lips touch'. Also, if you know the plot twist regarding Aiden's relationship to Jodie, that scene just got waaaaaaaay more awkward. Hey, at least she went on an actual date this time.

BioWare games are usually fantastic adventures. But sometimes, it feels like their romance subplots were bolted in because the development team collectively realized "Well, we're making a BioWare game, so you should be able to fuck somebody, right?" Dragon Age: Origins' sex scenes feel especially tacked on, mainly because there are two different sequences in total: one if you're playing as a man, the other if you're playing as a woman. The game basically just pastes in the party member you're currently boning.

OK, sure, you want to save on time, and only creating two sets of animations helps. I get that. But they're not even that well done. Sure, the tasteful fades are nice, but each time the screen comes back in, you and your partner are in a completely different position, like they're flipping through the Kama Sutra and working their way down the list a half-second at a time. And that over-blown fantasy music swelling in the background just makes it all feel even more awkward. Throw in some stilted animations and dead eyes and you'll have none of the arousal but all of the shame when a family member/significant other walks in on it.

Suda 51 is nothing if not unpredictable. Whether he has you playing as a sexually frustrated otaku with a lightsaber, or running around making dick jokes with a talking gun named Johnson, you can be sure that whatever game he's heading up will be totally bonkers. But nothing prepared me for Gigolo mode in Killer is Dead.

In this mode, you're tasked with chatting up ladies at a bar, and ogling every inch of their bodies when they turn away. Oh, and you've also got x-ray glasses that let you see through their clothes (but not their underwear - we're keeping it classy, here). Once you've peeked long enough, you can make your move, your ultimate reward being the strangest softcore sex ever offered in a video game - complete with schmaltzy saxophone music. You're even granted an Achievement that says you've made each girl your 'prisoner in body and soul'. Yikes.

No list of awkward sex scenes would be complete without God of War making an appearance. There's nothing quite like mashing a couple buttons and wiggling some analog sticks to really simulate the joy of making an intimate connection with another human being - especially when the actual act of sex is relegated to some terrible off-screen moaning and watching a precariously placed vase get knocked around a bit.

What makes God of War so cringeworthy is that each sequel feels like it has to up the ridiculousness ante. The first game's scene felt like a silly joke that we all quickly moved on from. The second established it as a running gag (this time featuring a peeing statue whose stream grows stronger by the scene's, erm, climax). By the third game, you're practically watching a full-blown porn cartoon, as two handmaidens (who look eerily like real dolls) grope each other while they watch Kratos give Aphrodite the ride of her life. This is why no one takes video games seriously (part 34,538).

Far Cry 3 started out with such promise. Sure, the story is super dumb, with you controlling a douchey club kid's descent into the heart of darkness. But it has some moments, mostly thanks to Vaas, who's an awesome villain - until they ditch him about halfway into the game. And it's only downhill from there.

At the end of the game, you're given a choice - do you rescue your friends and leave the island, or do you kill them all and embrace your warrior instincts? If you choose the 'kill' option, you not only get to see your friends' grisly demise at your own hands, you're immediately 'rewarded' with some POV humping between you and warrior queen Citra. Then, she stabs you in the stomach, leaves you for dead, and presumably goes off to raise a little baby Skrillex fan of her own. Congratulations! You've won…? Seriously, why would you pick this option?

I hope that games are someday able to express the wide range of human expression, including that most intimate act two people can possibly share, without making players physically ill. Today is not that day. If you need me, I'll just be giving my eyes a good bleach-washing and clearing my browser history. Let's never speak of this again.

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For the sake of bypassing geek stereotypes, I'm going to assume that you, dear reader, have an awesome sex life. Good for you! But whether you spend your nights with a special someone, a revolving door of paramours, or only the finest of (hey, it's still a sex life), there's always room to up your game. And why not let some of gaming's sexiest suitors deliver some tips?

After scouring hours of footage of these brawling beaus at work, I've discovered 13 video game moves that are SECRETLY sexy foreplay. Feel free to make adjustments where necessary to avoid grievous injury. Otherwise commit this tried and true advice to memory, and the next time you hop into bed with someone special, use these sexy foreplay moves to really level up.

Has your opponent been naughty? Try some sexy punishment with a little God Hand . Get them in the right mood with lightning-fast punches to the face and chest, then sensuously bend them over your knee and give them a few firm whacks. The harder the better - if you've done it right, expect your partner to launch across the room in sheer pleasure.

[Editor's Note: GamesRadar is not liable for any medical and/or legal expenses incurred as a result of attempting the God Hand Spank.]

Those are some of the sexiest foreplay moves that sexy video game sexpots have to offer. Sorry, I think the Cosmo lists are starting to get to me. Which of these put a smile on your face? Which sent you running for the hills? Can I run into a dark corner and weep quietly at the horrors I have witnessed in creating this? Sound off in the comments below, just please - don’t tell us which ones you plan to try out. Please.

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